To feel like I’ve wasted my life

[WastedMyPotential]

I’m 26, live at home and have no chance of buying a house before I’m 30.

I’ve spent the last three years doing a job I’ve hated, because I thought it was right for me. Get to the end, I’m a couple of months away from qualifying as a solicitor, and I realise how much I hate it, so I’m starting over in the NHS soon. (Three days before qualifying)

I’ve got two degrees and a potential masters (if I resit the exams), but what do I have to show for it? I’ve never had a relationship because I’ve focussed on university and exams since I was 18. I’m still on minimum wage, I’ve got nothing really going for me.

I just feel like I’ve completely wasted my life. I’ve qualified as a solicitor when I hate it, I’ve done everything my family expected of me, and I still feel empty and hopeless. I just wonder “what was the point”

Why not apply for one of the graduate schemes run by one of the big financial institutions. There you could rotate around departments in your “graduate role” and discover something that makes you passionate. There may be something your skills could be transferred to such as risk or regulation, or even something different like strategy or HR.

You will also get to meet lots of people who are young and like minded (and maybe find that husband as a bonus! But please don’t just aim for that, you are still so young…I didn’t have kids till late 30s and loved travel and life first).

Hey OP, you’re doing great so far, honestly give yourself some credit for everything you have achieved and seen thru even tho u hated it - this has taught you to be disciplined and determined and these are all transferable skills to another future role. I have only just found my dream job aged 42, and had a kid at 39, so don’t get yourself all worked up about not knowing exactly what you want to do and how much everyone else seems all sorted.

I hear how much you want your own family, but before you try to settle down I really would recommend that you fulfil your dream of going travelling, for a year or two. Try lots of different things and focus on finding out more about yourself, what your core values are and give yourself permission to have fun just for fun’s sake. You still have plenty of time to find a partner and have kids, time is on your side for at least the 10- 14 years anyway!

HAVE A BLAST. You only get one life ❤️grasp it by the horns and take it for a joy ride. 🚘 🌍 🤩

I think most just people want a stable home, a couple of dc and a dog. But you work towards it. You try and get a decent paying job you like to afford the deposit. You find yourself with hobbies and travel to get out there and meet potential partners. Then when you have some security you think about dc. It's a journey. It doesn't just fall in your lap overnight. Everything you learn along the way is useful. Take baby steps towards your goals.

Most people?

Most women that I know do not want children. I don't either.

I’m not really sure what the sarky comment is needed for. I’ve spent the majority of my training in a role where I’ve been helping people. Still hated it.

OP - I haven't read the full thread so apologies if someone else has already suggested what I will.

Did you post a while back about the stress of having absolutely no money and living at home while trying to qualify?

If so, well done for completing which is brilliant!

If you're looking for work-life balance, mission-oriented work and getting away from the billable hours culture, you could look at the Government Legal Department: Working for GLD - Government Legal Department - GOV.UK

Also search on 'legal' under 'role' in https://www.civilservicejobs.service.gov.uk/ - there isn't much right now but you can set up alerts. I've also heard good things about the NHS management training scheme.

You'll soon find that your evenings are opening up, once you're qualified, and can start living your life. 26 is young!

I felt the same in my 20s, hated my jobs, could barely afford rent in London, had crappy boyfriends. Retrained in my late 20s and now love my job but did the training slowly so I could afford it. Moved to another city so could buy a flat at age 30 (which I think is quite young to get on the property ladder). I know it’s tough but you need to think about how you can make changes to get out of this rut as only you can do it.

I think a lot of us, including me, don't understand what you are complaining about.

You studied law. You don't like it. So what?

Lots of people do degrees in one area, and then work in a completely different area.

The woman that I know that did a law degree, does not work in law now. She works in a different area

Get into a different career.

Earlier on the thread you mentioned that your plan had always been something like "study, qualify, marry, have children" and I can't help wondering if there's an element of security driving that. You will most likely have been supported by another adult through all of that, and you've written about the pressure on you to study so it sounds like these haven't all been independent choices so far. Why not use this time to try out who you are without another person to guide you? You don't know what direction it will take you - and you still might land back with the boy, girl, husband and house that your 26yo self dreams about. Or you might land somewhere completely different given a bit of time to explore. The world is a big and wonderful place - stay curious.

You also mentioned the NHS grad scheme. It brings lots of opportunities, but also a lot of work. You have to be pretty driven and put the hours in. Sharp elbows help. I worked with some of the most inspiring people I've ever met in the NHS - and also a few of the most unpleasant. I didn't find my post-grad scheme career compatible with a family, especially not with an autistic child thrown into the mix, and now I work for a charity where the pay is atrocious but most days I feel good about the little ripples I can send out into the world before I shuffle back into the soul destroying job of parenting an asd teen going through a rough year. What's important/what works might well change for you between 26 and 36 and 46, so make sure you keep some choices open for yourself.

OP, ignore the ungenerous comments. Lots of us know what it's like to invest a lot in a particular path and then realise it was a mirage, or that you were exploited as cheap labour. Salaries in this country are just too low. Highly-qualified and capable people should have better options. It's not unreasonable to feel dissatisfied. Having a 'normal life' shouldn't feel so out-of-reach.

So get into a different career!

Don’t be hasty in turning your back on law entirely. The great thing about law is it’s so varied. If you don’t like the area / type of firm you are in you can move. I’ve worked in high street / mid level / magic circle doing criminal / corporate / now private client on my own. All very different. Don’t fling the baby out with the bath water! And low paid jobs can be stressful too - having an exacting boss as a secretary isn’t fun I temped as a student and it wasn’t an easy gig you’re better off rung the one with the secretary.

Also harsh truth you are likely to attract better men if you stay in a professional job - all the solicitors married each other (myself included actually) not secretaries.

I did the same - hated the LPC and knew it wasn't for me pretty fast. You still have a valued degree and a lot of options open to you. I had accounting as an optional module (long time ago now so not sure how things work more recently) and that gave me exemptions for qualifying as an accountant, which I did alongside working. I went into industry rather than practice as I knew from law that working for a big five accounting firm also wouldn't have been for me. Been doing that now for 25 years and the money is good but I have had enough and looking for something else to do until I can retire........also bought some lottery tickets for tonight 😂

So much good advice here.

I guess that loads of us who clicked on your thread did so because your title resonated. It's a fortunate (busy?) person who's never had that sense of squandering the precious gift of life. Much worse to feel that though in one's 50s or 60s.

Among all the wise and useful words of advice it was the post from @EnidSpytonthat really touched me. Worth re reading.

Work is hard, life is hard and at 26 it just seems totally daunting having all those decades ahead of you. My daughter is exactly your age and although she enjoys her job as a healthcare professional it's tough going. Really hard to see yourself doing it year in, year out. So don't think that far ahead😉

Get out there (after tying up that legal qualification) Keep it in your back pocket. See how the NHS job works out. If it doesn't then try something else - season on a cruise ship sounds fab.

That old quote from Kierkegaard "Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards" gets trundled out a lot because it's true.
All the best - you've got this💐

You took the words out of my mouth. I always remind my best friend of a day we drove to get a takeaway and it was my 26th Bday and we were complaining about the fact we were the wrong side of our 20’s! Just ordered her 49th bday card earlier. A close friend of mine died at 57 earlier this year, and sitting at her beside day after day watching her life ebb away really did show me that life is short.

OP, with kindness, you’re 26. You’re so young still and most young people your age don’t buy until their 30’s. You’ll get there with a job you enjoy, and go on some dates in the meantime and enjoy your life. Life isn’t all about academic and work success, but relationships with others and finding job in the small things.

I've not read it all, but I felt this way till I was 31, I then got a job I enjoyed. The first three after graduation I hated. It might still all work out okay. Also you need a work life balance. Look at being a solicitor for a charity, or council, or a company that employs in-house solicitors. Private practice isn't for everyone.

I think the sad thing about women, is at every age, we feel old.

As we are told that women over 25 are going downhill.

I remember when i was 27 i felt old. Looking back i see i was so young.

I remember when i was 36 i felt old. Looking back, it was young.

Now im 41 and i feel a bit old, but i do feel appreciative to still be here

I’m 26, live at home and have no chance of buying a house before I’m 30.

How can you have "wasted your life" when you've barely even started it?

You are young, in good health, intelligent enough to get a degree (or two), housed, and presumably supported in some other ways by your parents, in good enough health to study and work. And you have a degree in a field that can be fairly well paid, or adapted to working in many other industries.

Bestie you will do it, one step at a time. Vienna waits for you listen to it by Billy Joel

@Cara707 I'm so sorry you feel like this. As a 52 year old, 37 now looks young and full of opportunity to me! I'm sorry if illness or other circumstances mean this is not the case for you.

@WastedMyPotential it's brilliant you will be a qualified solicitor, and the NHS job sounds good. Give it a try. I listened to a great Desert Island Discs today with a woman who had a law degree (I know not as involved as full solicitor training) but was a post-disaster planner/manager. She was amazing. The world is at your feet; you still have countless possibilities. Have the marriage and children aim but develop a job that is right for you too, just in case.

26 is so young!!!! You've got loads of time to do different things.

I'm a boring 50-something who's always worked in education, but my sister has done loads of things - started with an art degree, then trained in stage management, left the theatre and travelled and worked in bars, offices, restaurants, then decided she wanted to be a paramedic and now is a lead paramedic with many years' experience, in her spare time went back to learning and got a 1st and a masters in paramedic science. She'd never have imagined doing that when she was 26!

Another friend of my age trained as a music teacher, then changed to midwifery, and now is a vicar!!! I think these days it's much easier for people to completely change career. Please don't think you are out of options at 26. Go follow your dreams.

Whenever someone complains to me about their age I remind them that growing old is a privilege. And it really is. My friend was 9wks from diagnosis to death. I’ve been reevaluating my life recently, as my youngest of 3 enters year 13 in a couple of weeks and will be off to Uni. I will be relocating somewhere cheaper (in South East) and so have been feeling a bit down that life is passing me by so quickly. But I also need to feel grateful that i’m still around.

Remember that today is the youngest you will ever be for the rest of your life. Just go for it.

Really hate the way our patriarchal society tries to make any woman over the age of 25 feel as if shes old and past it! It’s abhorrent.

Thanks everyone for the advice.

i do feel a lot better today so I think some of my mood was being worsened by being exhausted! But I am also going to take on the advice to widen my circle. I don’t quite have the bravery to just pack up and move somewhere on a working holiday, but I will start taking some more solo trips and making an effort to meet people!