To get a bit peeved at MIL/PIL tightness?

[Theroadnottravelled]

I know I’ll likely get flamed but we’re staying with my PIL for a week (DH, me,DCs 3 &5) and it’s nice to get away. My PILs aren’t horrid or deliberately nasty but the food situation when they host us is pretty miserable. They eat like birds and just don’t provide enough food. We’ve tried taking/buying stuff with us before but they get offended. For example they’ll cook a pizza for all of us. 4 adults, 2 hungry small people. It’s a small slice each. And some salad. That’s it. Or one piece of toast for breakfast. Or fairy cakes cut in half. Or one crumpet each for tea. I promise it’s not a money thing. They are more than comfortable. It’s just such small portions. I’ve offered that we stay in an Airbnb and cater ourselves but they won’t hear of it. We take the train to see them (it’s a long way and I’m the only driver) so can’t take loads of stuff with us. Arrrgghh. So awkward but we’re all ravenous. How can I broach it?

The penis portion is a way of describing the very old fashioned habit of giving the menfolk bigger portions of food, and the ladies more delicate ones, @Robin67.

@Robin67 not rude in the least! It is indeed penis portions, which is the practice of giving men much bigger portions of food than women.

Ah ok! Thank you @SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

That would drive me nuts

We had this one crumpet offered to the kids - and when I said that they said they'd do it with baked beans - which I was wtf - and DH tried to insist was a normal meal - never seen him before or since have it.

I veto it on salt grounds - way to much salt given how young there were then and they were given a sandwich with some salad and fruit. We all managed to be polite though DH did seem to think initally I just just let it be - IL were fine with me saying something.

That is INSANE!!!

omg. I would have reported him to the police, fuck him.

Frankly if someone is being a mean and inhospitable host by not providing enough food, they bloody deserve to be “upset”. It won’t kill them to have to think about other people for once and put their hurty feelings to the side.

Maybe you need to reflect on why you’re so concerned about upsetting someone who isn’t giving a damn about your feelings.

So? That’s kinda what you expect when you have guests to feed! It is an expense that you absorb to be able to see and spend time with your family, it’s just a given. And much cheaper to host at home than hiring someplace else!

Why are you so determined to defend these parents who are being rubbish and mean?

Exactly.

I used to get similar at my in-laws. When newly married i was a bit intimidated about making a fuss so i would just go hungry. When breastfeeding i couldn't take it any more and in response to a snide 'but you had lunch, why would you want toast at 4pm' i asked 'do you know what the calorie recommendation is for breastfeeding woman?' when MiL dodged the question i asked again and again until she admitted she didn't. I then told her what it is, told her what i calculated i had consumed so far that day, and told her that it was only right and proper i prioritised my health and that of the baby and did what the NHS recommended. I was staring a bit madly during this conversation so maybe it was that rather than the cold hard logic . . . but she never made a snide comment about mt snacking again. Can you not do similar? Say something like 'a boy DS's age should really be getting x calories to stay strong and healthy. This isn't nearly enough food for that.' etc

Too late they're dead and I had 4 children to bring up than argue and fixate on her. It's a lot deeper than that think childhood trauma.

I'm not some people have to get over that others including parents don't give a fuck about others. You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

More importantly just because you are with their off spring doesn't mean you have to get along with his family. The op is with her husband not his frugal family she doesn't have to go. I stopped visiting my parents after a few years because either was that tedious. Don't put up with it leave them to it and make them come to you at least you have a full fridge. Getting my parents to my house was like pulling teeth it was hard. After 2015 the last time I saw my mother was on her death bed.

its the belief that men need, and are entitled to, bigger portions than women. I came across it years ago on my honeymoon in the early 70's. The wonderful b and B lady served us breakfast and proudly pointed out that My DH (now late) got two eggs because he was the man. It became an in joke between the two of us for the whole of our married life

My DGPs lived through the war and as a result they hoarded and were incredibly generous with food. My DGP had food in that you may have said you liked once just in case you wanted it again. The loved to see everyone eat.

I just couldn't imagine seeing anyone let alone children go hungry. I would never allow my children to go hungry.

But the recommended calorie intake IS bigger for men than women, as is the recommended restriction on alcohol consumption!

You're just going to confuse people with facts.

yes but the penis portion concept is that you give the woman less!

If the man needs more doesn't it follow that the woman needs less. Obviously a generalisation as some women need more than some men.

Ergo fewer calories!

My PIL are like this! My DS is 14 and DD 11 and are always hungry when we visit. My MIL doesn’t seem to understand that a 14 year old boy eats an adult portion! My FIL actually gets worried there won’t be any leftovers to put in the freezer! We stayed with them at Christmas and he guarded the turkey and would only let us have 2 small slices each! He also counted the potatoes, got worried he had peeled too many and put a raw potato in salted water back in the fridge for another day! I wouldn’t mind but they eat and drink absolutely loads when they stay with us!!! I made a delicious cacciatore with crusty bread for lunch last time they stayed and FIL commented “is this all we’re getting?”! Weird!

But the recommended calorie intake IS bigger for men than women, as is the recommended restriction on alcohol consumption!

I don't appreciate getting served less protein than DH. I'm the anaemic one. He eats more than me in general but protein we split 50/50.

MILs penis portions mean eg half the amount of chicken breast.

Also, MIL is very short, now elderly, has never done vigorous exercise and has been calorie restricting herself for most of her life.
I lift weights or run every day, I surf, I hillwalk and climb. I'm four inches taller than her.
When I'm served the same portion as her, it's not enough.

Women are adults who can decide for themselves how much they want to eat.

I eat more than my husband.