AIBU to of expected husband not to of gone on stag do

[Nattylion]

My husband has booked to go on a 6 night stag do this weekend, am I being unreasonable to of expected him not to go?

We have a 2 year old, 1 year old and a 3 month old baby none of which sleep through the night. I am absolutely dreading the thought of trying to do bedtime with all 3 of them and then managing the night wakings alone. The baby is breastfeed and has not got into a routine at all and is feeding on demand. I’m also struggling with post natal anxiety and my usual family support aren’t going to be around to be able to help as it is the bank holiday weekend.

I feel really hurt that my feelings that it’s going to be impossible to manage have just been disregarded, he has been away twice prior when we only had 2 children and said it wouldn’t be happening again when we found out about the third. I have never had a night away from the children.

Never heard of a 6 night stag. Who’s getting married…. The Prince of Wales?? Also with kids that young no chance and I can see why you’re exhausted, that’s a lot of kids in a short time. Rest up woman!

Wow - I'm usually of the opinion that it isn't a big deal to cope with your own children however this isn't a work trip and he is being a selfish arse. I would definitely being laying down the law in your shoes. A couple of nights ok you'd cope but not 6 and he'll be knackered and useless when he gets back.

That is way too much to manage for one person

Is it? DH was regularly away for work, weeks at a time. We had 3 under 2 - I was more than capable of looking after them all - bath and bed included!!

You can manage. You’ll probably find it easier in some ways.

I would be fuming. I wouldn’t want him to go and I would be making it very clear that he was being a selfish arse and shouldn’t be going. It sounds like he had been quite deceptive about going as well. He should cancel imho.

I would be annoyed about the amount of annual leave it would be using plus the financial aspect as well at a time you probably need the extra time as a family and 3 dc are expensive.

I think you urgently need to leave him in the same position for as long as possible. Even if it’s just the older two Friday night to Sunday night and then make it abundantly clear that until you have caught up with holidays away from the children, he won’t be going away again solo.

You are not unreasonable to have expected your husband to not have gone to stag do, ie to have stayed at home. An evening out should have sufficed, he's not a boy any more.

It is also not unreasonable to expect someone nowadays to use contraception. Three children so very close together is rather unusual.

I had three that close together and it was fab! Gets all the chaos of baby years out of the way quickly and they educated and entertained each other brilliantly - in fact, in their 30s, they still do!

The age gaps of the children are not the issue here and can’t understand why PPs are being so rude about it.

Honestly, I don't have kids and I would still be annoyed if my DH went for a six night stag without properly discussing it first! It's one thing having lives outside of each other, but its a really long time for a stag do, and given stags usually involve a lot of drinking and/or activities that's a lot of money, a lot of annual leave, and a lot of recovery time to use on a mate.
Whether or not you should be capable of being supermum isn't relevant, he's not behaving as an equal partner or equal parent.

Why should she have to? It's not work. It's a lads' holiday/piss up.

There isn't a cat in hells chance of this happening. Nice idea though.

send him to boots for a perfect prep and some formula. Use the time to transition the baby to bottle feeding and book yourself a 6 night break for a few months time. Honestly I would let DH go on the understanding he would also be expected to have the kids for a trip for me. Half the issue people have is keeping to routines that demand a lot of attention, aslong as they are fed and bums cleaned it will be fine

My DH never left me alone for a stag do but he did work nights so I had to look after my children alone, all the time. We lived a 2hr drive from family and all my friends had babies the same age so had no help at all.

We lived in the middle of nowhere and I had to shop, drop the car off for services and catch the (tiny village) bus when the car was being serviced. It was hard.

Be brave OP, it can be done. 👍🏼

How do people afford to go away for 6 weeks stag/hen nights/days? I must cost a fortune.

People keep saying it can be done. I don't actually think that's the issue. It's just completely unnecessary for him to be absent and she's struggling.

I think the point people are trying to make, is that this is an incredibly selfish act, on the part of OP’s DH. 6 days and nights, on her own, with little babies. That’s tough, right??

The usual way, I think.

I get why everyone makes these comments but come on. As if this is ever going to happen in a million years.

I know! It'll just never happen.

I can understand a 6 day hen/stag if it is essentially a holiday with a group of friends. But if it is 6 full days of stag/hen party activities etc. Then it is over the top. Especially if the stags have to foot the bill. But I can totally see going on a pre-weddimg holiday with our small group of girlfriends. It would technically be a hen, but in reality a girls holiday.

It also depends on temperament of the children. If you've got one bad sleeper it is hard, if three of them are bad sleepers it is a nightmare.

As for a suggestion she stop breastfeeding, I can't believe a mother has to wean a baby to suit a man going on a trip with his mates.

I think most of us know how it happens.

I agree, some really poor advice on here.

I would 100% lose it over this, I'm sorry your husband is such a selfish prick OP.

You know life doesn’t stop once you have children. She chose to have 3 children close in age. Wtf would she have more than she can manage on her own?

Once you have finished breastfeeding your youngest you will be going on a week long break with your girlfriends won’t you?
Your husband is selfish.

Apart from the time scale away and op needing help.What about the cost that's going to be a lot of money when you've three kids.
As for op getting a six day break with her girlfriends.. that's not going to happen more so if her friends have children.