AIBU to of expected husband not to of gone on stag do

[Nattylion]

My husband has booked to go on a 6 night stag do this weekend, am I being unreasonable to of expected him not to go?

We have a 2 year old, 1 year old and a 3 month old baby none of which sleep through the night. I am absolutely dreading the thought of trying to do bedtime with all 3 of them and then managing the night wakings alone. The baby is breastfeed and has not got into a routine at all and is feeding on demand. I’m also struggling with post natal anxiety and my usual family support aren’t going to be around to be able to help as it is the bank holiday weekend.

I feel really hurt that my feelings that it’s going to be impossible to manage have just been disregarded, he has been away twice prior when we only had 2 children and said it wouldn’t be happening again when we found out about the third. I have never had a night away from the children.

Ok you're right

Just let him go.
Don’t complain.
Manage the best you can while he’s gone.
Make plans.
Make reservations.
Pack a bag.
As he rolls in the door, hand him the baby.
”Seeya in six days, arsehole.”
As he calls out after you, wave and yell, ”tough darts!””
What’s good for the goose, after all…
Enjoy your relaxing next six days.
Sending love from far away ❤️

Edited to say that you can even go to your mum’s or a friend’s. You don’t have to go anywhere expensive or far away. Just ask them not to tell your husband you’re there as you need your own six day vacation. Savvy?

Of course it’s an insult and no matter how you explain it of justify it, it’s rude. If someone called me ugly and you defended me by saying ‘she’s not ugly, she’s just fat’ that would also be an insult.

Consider reflecting on your approach on mumsnet. You can have opinions but no one is ever going to see being called uneducated as a nuetral expression. The connotation is you defending OP by saying she’s thick, not young!

Absolutely not acceptable. 3 night max. 2 would be fine and respectful. 6 is a joke.
Is he able to book his own flight home sooner?

6 nights for a stag do! That’s ridiculous in itself. He shouldn’t be going at all, even for a couple of nights, let alone 6. You have a young baby and 2 other children. It’s unbelievably selfish of him. Of course you will survive and manage, but that’s not the point. You shouldn’t have to.

Some people think that dissecting a post and poster by focusing on minor details (such as age gaps and typos) makes them seem clever. They feel clever.
It's an ego soothe for them and nothing to do with the OP.

What sort of question is that?!
It’s none of your business!

As someone with many more children than 3 but with similar gaps, this sort of question gets right up my nose.
As I have many times responded to the same question: “You don’t pay for them or take care of them, not your problem, not your decision, not your right to judge”.

I will never understand why people are so invested in other people’s choices when it comes to having kids.

It’s even worse that he’s an older parent because he hasn’t grown up and he’s still selfish. My DP and I are in our 20s and he wouldn’t do this to me. Tell your husband that it’s a no and I would divorce if he still went. One night is more than enough for a stag do.

👏👏👏

That was the first thing to hit me about the title but hesitated to comment because I would be accused of being the grammar police.

What you think might be true is not the same as a statement of fact.

However you word it, it is rude and insulting to comment that you think someone is uneducated.

I would suggested you get paid support. Especially at night

Please stay, @Nattylion. You have so much support here. Ignore the rude comments.

So your self-serving H is happy to leave you in the lurch and let you struggle for 6 straight days and nights so he can live it up? I am truly shocked at his massive entitlement and disrespect. To prioritize 6 days of partying over his crucial family responsibilities and the
well-being of his Wife and 3 tiny children is reprehensible. It shows deep immaturity and egocentricity, as well as narcissistic devaluation of your feelings, needs, and state of exhaustion.

I would consider this lack of care and week-long abandonment as a breach of my trust and slap in my face. Go nuclear and tell him not to go, @Nattylion. If my H then proceeded to treat me with contempt and went on the trip, there would be dire consequences.

It's 6 days not 6 weeks?

Leaving you with three very young children including a three month baby, none of whom can sleep through the night, to go on a 6 night piss up with his mates? Do you really need to ask if you’re being unreasonable? 😂

@Nattylion I hope you are ok, you are not being unreasonable, unfortunately some men seem to think their life shouldn’t change after kids.

My husbands mates are always telling him to come out every weekend and to not bother checking with me!

When he gets back book a few days for yourself, he can take annual leave to look after the kids.

I did this when I was left to it and was drowning, best thing I ever did as it gave him a taste of how hard it is.

I only have 1, cannot imagine how tough it must be with 3 little ones.

Sending you hugs xx

Exactly this. Do every single thing written here.

It’ll be tough. Feed and water everyone but forget about housework. - your husband can clean and hoover on his return. He doesn’t get to sit and rest when he comes in the door - that’s when he steps in and steps up.

If my H then proceeded to treat me with contempt and went on the trip, there would be dire consequences

What though? Realistically all she could do is divorce the useless prick. I find it shocking that some women still marry these types. A lot of men bullshit for a living and the hope that “he’ll grow up/change once he’s got kids” rarely bears fruit.

My husband goes away a lot for work, and I have young children. Even I wouldn’t be happy with this. The issue with a stag do, is when he comes home from a 6 day stag do he will be exhausted - so if he’s anything like my husband - his effort to help with the kids will be lacklustre. Then the frustration escalates, as you are annoyed he went away, then annoyed he comes back and is tired (moaning that he’s tired, not helping enough with his children, sticking them in front of the TV).

If he is the type to come back revitalised, bouncing, taking over all the help - then maybe. But if not, then it would be a no from me.

Youngest 4 and you wouldn't allow him a week away...wow, how come?

I plan to have a week away with friends before my youngest is 4. My hobbies have gone on hold since first pregnancy over 4yrz ago already. Can't wait for a week rock climbing abroad again at long last.

Tell him he can go on stag but he needs to find and pay for a live in nanny with good references for 6 days so have some help because you can't be left on your own (which is true).

I think he is being selfish and probably doing it because he needs a break, without any concern about you also needing a break.
it sounds like you’ve got yourselves in a position where you have more kids than you planned to have at such a young age, and he is leaving you to worry about how you look after them practically.
whats done is done. It’s booked. You will survive it although it sounds horrendously hard.
Once he’s back you need to worry more about -

1. how selfish he is and how you’re going to communicate your needs. You can’t make him listen. He needs to grow up and realise he needs to listen.
2. how you work on agreements and him going back on them. If he has form for this then your marriage will not last. It sounds like he can’t stick to anything that is best for the family, and he prefers to cater for his own needs.
3. contraception so you don’t end up with a 4th

Not for a stag do, that’s insanity and incredibly selfish of the groom/best man.

Engagements/weddings tend to happen in certain age groups - my husband was regularly going on stags in his mid 20s. If they’d all been a full week he would face barely been home! It’s just ridiculous to ask people to give 1/4 of their annual leave to your stag, not to mention the wedding itself.

For something else maybe I would, completely depends where, why, what etc. A week is a long time for the parent left at home (he has worked away so I’ve been there and bought the shirt) a lot of your annual leave and, presumably quite expensive. Why does it need to be a week, why not 2,3,4 nights? If there’s a genuine reason for it to be a week then I’d obviously consider it.

As the mum you’re probably default parent so I have more sympathy with you needing a week away. But honestly an entire week to go away and do a hobby you could do in this country and could do over a weekend would strike me as quite selfish if I was your partner.

@Nattylion I hope you find the strength to deal with him on his return. I’d be done - I’d definitely want my own 6-day holiday and then I’d want him out of my life.