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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to of expected husband not to of gone on stag do

272 replies

Nattylion · 18/08/2025 20:59

My husband has booked to go on a 6 night stag do this weekend, am I being unreasonable to of expected him not to go?

We have a 2 year old, 1 year old and a 3 month old baby none of which sleep through the night. I am absolutely dreading the thought of trying to do bedtime with all 3 of them and then managing the night wakings alone. The baby is breastfeed and has not got into a routine at all and is feeding on demand. I’m also struggling with post natal anxiety and my usual family support aren’t going to be around to be able to help as it is the bank holiday weekend.

I feel really hurt that my feelings that it’s going to be impossible to manage have just been disregarded, he has been away twice prior when we only had 2 children and said it wouldn’t be happening again when we found out about the third. I have never had a night away from the children.

OP posts:
Tink3rbell30 · 19/08/2025 10:48

Absolutely not. Why did you repeatedly get pregnant to this man?!

OhCobblers · 19/08/2025 10:49

i know your kids are very very young but this would end things for me. I can’t imagine spending my life with such a selfish wanker - he really is quite horrific. Feel very sorry for you OP.

SaladAndChipsForTea · 19/08/2025 10:50

No, yanbu to be cross.

But unless you're prepared to leave him, you're in a poor negotiating spot to get someone so clueless amd selfish to change their mind.

A decent man wouldn't go, that's the short of it.

gamerchick · 19/08/2025 10:52

I think I'd tell him not to come back tbh. He's going to keep doing this shit. It's not worth it.

SaladAndChipsForTea · 19/08/2025 10:52

Obviously he is a pig for booking it but not being funny, he knows you have no leverage if you're telling him you can't do 6 nights alone. He knows you won't leave. So he just needs to out up with you being a bit arsey and he still gets what he wants, so there's no reason for someone as selfish as him to change.

Member984815 · 19/08/2025 10:53

I'm afraid I'd be very unhappy with this, it'd mean I'd re evaluate the whole relationship, he knows how hard it is with 3 young kids nevermind doing it alone on no sleep . When do you get to have 6 days away alone ? The answer is not anytime in the near future .

GFBurger · 19/08/2025 10:53

I don’t think it matters that it’s booked. It’s a sunken cost. The money is gone. It was an expensive mistake to make, but that doesn’t mean he should double down on that and go.

However, if he went for the whole six nights the marriage would also be gone in my opinion.

I would imagine her is taking precious annual leave to do this too. He could have taken that annual leave and helped you out for a few days.

And if he sulks like a little child because he can’t go, that is also a big problem.

indoorplantqueen · 19/08/2025 11:00

6 nights is a piss take. My dh has gone on lots of stag dos but never been more than 3 nights and some of these were abroad. If he goes he goes and you’ll have to cope, but I’d be thinking is this the man I want to stay married to as he is completely selfish and inconsiderate.
do his friends have multiple kids?

MimiSunshine · 19/08/2025 11:00

We have a 2 year old, 1 year old and a 3 month old baby none of which sleep through the night. I am absolutely dreading the thought of trying to do bedtime with all 3 of them and then managing the night wakings alone. The baby is breastfeed and has not got into a routine at all and is feeding on demand. I’m also struggling with post natal anxiety and my usual family support aren’t going to be around to be able to help as it is the bank holiday weekend.

with 3 children 2 and under and a wife dealing with postnatal anxiety I don’t think he should even be going for 1 night.

He’s being monumentally selfish.

the baby is just 3 months old, behaving and doing what small babies do. That baby needs nearly all of your focus, he needs to be at home to focus on the other older baby and the toddler.

not going away likes he’s 24 with no responsibilities.

id be telling him that you hope he has a great time away because it better be worth the damage he’s going to do to your relationship if he goes.

and if he suddenly says he won’t go then he can’t be moping around or acting like you’re in the wrong, he fucked up, he needs to fix it. And if he says he’ll go for less time. Tell to really think about what his priority needs to be.

DaisyChain505 · 19/08/2025 11:01

I hope you’ve got your 6 night break booked in for his return.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 19/08/2025 11:08

As he can afford this holiday, he can afford to pay for temporary childcare - either a live in Nanny for the week or a live out one.
Plenty of agencies around that will find you someone suitable at short notice.

MumWifeOther · 19/08/2025 11:15

He’s totally unreasonable and I would have put my foot down about this. I wouldn’t dream of leaving my dh to cope in this situation and therefore would expect that in return.

Tablesandchairs23 · 19/08/2025 11:16

He's being incredibly selfish. I'd be fuming.

ttcat37 · 19/08/2025 11:17

Edit Duplicate post

k1233 · 19/08/2025 11:28

Wow, he's going to have a busy week and hellish year then isn't he. He'll have to take over night duty for the foreseeable (3mo excluded) - meals, bath, bed, night wakings. Especially this week while you need as much free time as possible to get everything prepared for when he abandons you for the next week.

I would not let up when he returns and would expect him to be responsible for the older two every night.

What he is doing is unacceptable.

citygirl77 · 19/08/2025 11:32

That’s really upsetting. I would have been fuming. Not only because he was prepared to leave an exhausted Mum on her own, but also because he will be spending an awful lot of money and using up a fair chunk of his holiday allowance. No wonder you feel hurt.

Sarah86lou · 19/08/2025 11:35

we have a 7, 2.5 and 10 month old and it’s hard work doing bed times by yourself, although ours are in a great routine and are mostly sleeping through. No way would my DH go away for 6 nights… not happening! He did go away for 4 nights when our baby was 4 months old but took the 7 year old with him and family helped me with the two little ones! We are only just starting to go out for nights with our friends etc again now because both of us feel happy to have all three by ourselves but not for that length of time. He’s being unreasonable, he must see that! He clearly feels he needs a break, but now is not the time. It will get easier… quickly

zingally · 19/08/2025 11:38

ByHeartyBird · 18/08/2025 21:08

A 6 night stag is unheard of.

How is it even possible to have 3 kids those ages btw? 😳

Edited

Very easily!
The 2yo could be almost 3. The 1yo could be anything from 12 months to 23 months. Either of which are biologically compatible with a 3 month old. Although I agree it's more likely the 1yo is actually closer to 2 than they are 1.

It's just nice to see OP using actual years as ages, rather than that knobbish "my 29 month old", when they could just say "my 2 and a half year old".

OneFootAfterTheOther · 19/08/2025 11:44

No stag do needs to be 6 nights.

Truetoself · 19/08/2025 11:49

This is outrageous behaviour……. Does he have form for this?

NattyBalonz · 19/08/2025 12:05

im so glad to have a kind partner who won’t eve engage in stag dos lads holidays or anything like this !

I would be telling him straight he is a selfish twat and you will have his bags packed when he gets back seeing as he thinks it’s acceptable to do this man child acting single wanting to live the fun free single life nah wouldn’t have it he would be gone

Tigergirl80 · 19/08/2025 12:13

YABU I used to love it when my ex was away working for a few nights. How do you think single parents manage? My son hardly slept for years would wake his sister up in the night because he didn’t want to be in his alone while awake. It’s 6 nights spend time with family and friends and make the most of it. Plus children don’t need to be bathed every night so don’t stress if they miss a night.

restingintheshade · 19/08/2025 12:15

it's rather chavvy. As per title.

LeticiaMorales · 19/08/2025 12:18

Tigergirl80 · 19/08/2025 12:13

YABU I used to love it when my ex was away working for a few nights. How do you think single parents manage? My son hardly slept for years would wake his sister up in the night because he didn’t want to be in his alone while awake. It’s 6 nights spend time with family and friends and make the most of it. Plus children don’t need to be bathed every night so don’t stress if they miss a night.

If you read the OP's details, you'll see that she's really not going to be able to "make the most of it".
It's not a holiday for her with 3 under 2.

5128gap · 19/08/2025 12:24

You clearly don't have much say in your relationship. He does as he pleases, whether you like it or not, doesn't he? Unfortunately this means your level of control over your relationship and life is limited to choosing whether to stay or go, as three children in, hes not going to suddenly change and start being considerate of your needs and wishes.
You could try an ultimatum, if he goes, you're done. But you'd have to be prepared to follow it through, so need to think carefully if you're better off with the limited benefits you do get from him than without, at least while the children are young.