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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to of expected husband not to of gone on stag do

272 replies

Nattylion · 18/08/2025 20:59

My husband has booked to go on a 6 night stag do this weekend, am I being unreasonable to of expected him not to go?

We have a 2 year old, 1 year old and a 3 month old baby none of which sleep through the night. I am absolutely dreading the thought of trying to do bedtime with all 3 of them and then managing the night wakings alone. The baby is breastfeed and has not got into a routine at all and is feeding on demand. I’m also struggling with post natal anxiety and my usual family support aren’t going to be around to be able to help as it is the bank holiday weekend.

I feel really hurt that my feelings that it’s going to be impossible to manage have just been disregarded, he has been away twice prior when we only had 2 children and said it wouldn’t be happening again when we found out about the third. I have never had a night away from the children.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nattylion · 19/08/2025 06:11

SlenderRations · 18/08/2025 23:47

That isn’t a stag night. It’s a holiday. Utterly ridiculous. But also, what were you thinking with that baby-spacing?

I do know the stag it is defiantly a stag do

I am an older mum and it took a long time to fall pregnant with the first so I didn’t feel I had the luxury of waiting for a large age gap and it happened much quicker than I anticipated nature for you, and the third was a surprise but very much wanted- not that that is the issue here.

I didn’t get the opportunity to say no he mentioned it when I was pregnant and I said no to booking it and said he needed to see how difficult it was first. Then just dropped some hints last week and booked it and told me by asking if I’m going to be ok when he’s away to which I replied “no, do you honestly think you would manage bed time and the nights on your own” my family that would have helped are on holiday themselves. I’m just utterly drained and pissed off by it all tbh thank you for confirming I’m not overreacting

OP posts:
socks1107 · 19/08/2025 06:18

Not a chance. He’s being selfish and inconsiderate. I don’t get the whole holidays with other people anyway but six nights is taking the p

Bearbookagainandagain · 19/08/2025 06:21

6 nights away is really a shit move, does he usually help with the children/bedtime etc?

If he does end up going, could you get a babysitter to come and help? Maybe taking the baby at bed time, and get the other two out to the park for a couple of hours on some days?

Wallywobbles · 19/08/2025 06:24

He’d need to be taking the 1&2 yo with him. Useless cunt. What’s he like otherwise. What have you actually said to him. Not hinted.

VenusClapTrap · 19/08/2025 06:25

Six nights?! If my dh did that, I would lose all respect for him. I’m not sure my marriage could recover from that level of selfishness.

Nappyvalley15 · 19/08/2025 06:34

YANBU

Whyherewego · 19/08/2025 06:41

He only booked it last week. This is mental. I mean if he wanted to go for 1 or 2 night maybe you could manage but 6 is unreasonable.
Tell him he need to sort out some daily emergency nanny help for you. This is not on.

banananas1999 · 19/08/2025 06:43

Stag dos are for morons, he needs to grow up.

theiblis · 19/08/2025 06:47

This will be the beginning of the end of your marriage. You will resent him so much, it will eat away at you for years. He shouldn’t go…..

banananas1999 · 19/08/2025 06:48

VenusClapTrap · 19/08/2025 06:25

Six nights?! If my dh did that, I would lose all respect for him. I’m not sure my marriage could recover from that level of selfishness.

Why do some women find selfish immature jerks like this attractive. What clown goes booking himself a holiday leaving his wife with 3 kids one who is breastfed, she wont be able to even sit down a nurse the baby without having to get up and help out other two little ones.

Horses7 · 19/08/2025 06:48

I would feign a complete breakdown and take to my bed with the baby. He’d have to step up and do his first priority job which is parenting and so cancel the stag. What is a father of three very young kids doing booking a 6 day stag do anyway?? Totally unacceptable!

Biscuits2904 · 19/08/2025 06:50

Whyherewego · 19/08/2025 06:41

He only booked it last week. This is mental. I mean if he wanted to go for 1 or 2 night maybe you could manage but 6 is unreasonable.
Tell him he need to sort out some daily emergency nanny help for you. This is not on.

This! Emergency nanny support, 100%. Although, he shouldn't be going at all and is an absolute disgrace for landing this on you. What an arsehole.

mamagogo1 · 19/08/2025 06:54

6 nights is a lads holiday! Won’t be easy but you’ll cope, though that’s not the point, hes being very inconsiderate. Definitely look into some support

samthepigeon · 19/08/2025 06:56

Sounds like he needs to do 6 days and nights, preferably in several clumps, of solely looking after the children to say thank you. He could start now! Then when he does his trip, he will really appreciate what you have done for him. Men are just profoundly selfish, and that is the long and short.

PrioritisePleasure24 · 19/08/2025 06:57

A 6 night stag do booked the week before?? Sounds unlikely more like he has only just told you. Leave would need to be booked/plans made etc. 6 nights for a stag do is ridiculous, how much cash is going to spent?! Nevermind leaving you with three very young children. Imagine his reaction if you planned something similar.

It doesn’t matter wether Op support network is around, this is not their problem. It’s the husband being so selfish. Why are so many men happy to just piss of and do this. So few seem invested in their actual family life.

user1492757084 · 19/08/2025 06:59

Ridiculous!

Can he reduce the trip to two nights?

Can he afford to go? It should be manditory for him to also afford to pay a qualified night time Nanny (with references) for 12 hours each day that you are left on your own.

Zanatdy · 19/08/2025 07:01

6 nights is ridiculous in itself, but no way should he be going for 6 nights when you have 3 children that young. If he absolutely has to go at all (close friend or he is best man) he should be going for 3 nights tops.

Sunaquarius · 19/08/2025 07:01

No you are not being unreasonable. That is way too much to manage for one person. You would be extremely generous if you agreed to 1 night away and in all honestly I would expect him to have the sense to understand himself that he needs to stay at home and help out and to duck out of the stag do. The stag do is just bad timing and he can't go and he needs to accept that.

GrumblyHedge · 19/08/2025 07:02

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WineIsMyMainVice · 19/08/2025 07:05

I would get onto a local nanny agency and arrange for a few hours help during the day and again in the evening for meal time, bath, bed etc.
If he can afford a 6 night holiday then there’s money for this!
I would also be starting to look at a week long retreat or other such trip for yourself for next year.
Good luck op.

Pipsquiggle · 19/08/2025 07:07

YANBU.
6 nights is a holiday not a stag do. The maximum he should be away is 2 nights with DC that age but preferably not at all.

He is being a selfish bastard. Why the hell does he think it's ok to leave you in the lurch like this?

He sounds like an immature and irresponsible wanker who can't put his family's needs ahead of his own.

Lennonjingles · 19/08/2025 07:09

I’m sorry but what supporting DH/Dad would want to go away for 6 nights, my DH wouldn’t even give it a second thought.

CarlaLemarchant · 19/08/2025 07:11

I honestly think you need to tell him to cancel or you’ll end the relationship. This is one of the most selfish things I’ve ever read on here.

Aside from leaving you with 3 under 3 for 6 nights which is mental, how much is it costing? When was your last holiday?

MrsEmmelinePankhurst · 19/08/2025 07:12

What an arsehole.

What would happen if you said “No - I cannot do this alone, I do not want to do it, and I will not do it. Cancel your trip.”

Coz he’s basically told you that he doesn’t give a shit about whether you can cope or not, hasn’t he?

Seriously, I’d go out the day before the trip with the baby, leaving him with the other 2 kids, and not come back until it was too late for him to go. Make it so that he CAN’T go. He’s got no qualms about forcing you to do what he wants so do the same to him. Then have serious talk once the dust settles.

Digdongdoo · 19/08/2025 07:13

A 6 night stag do is ridiculous. He should have joined for a night or two at most. Selfish twat.

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