AIBU to of expected husband not to of gone on stag do

[Nattylion]

My husband has booked to go on a 6 night stag do this weekend, am I being unreasonable to of expected him not to go?

We have a 2 year old, 1 year old and a 3 month old baby none of which sleep through the night. I am absolutely dreading the thought of trying to do bedtime with all 3 of them and then managing the night wakings alone. The baby is breastfeed and has not got into a routine at all and is feeding on demand. I’m also struggling with post natal anxiety and my usual family support aren’t going to be around to be able to help as it is the bank holiday weekend.

I feel really hurt that my feelings that it’s going to be impossible to manage have just been disregarded, he has been away twice prior when we only had 2 children and said it wouldn’t be happening again when we found out about the third. I have never had a night away from the children.

@Nattylion Please don’t do that. The vast majority of posts have been totally supportive, if a couple have upset you with their questions just ignore.

On the off chance you’re still here, where are they going for these six days? Is it a lads holiday to Magaluf or hiking in the Peak District? Because quite apart from how shitty it is to leave you looking after the kids alone for six days, if it’s six days of booze and strippers I would also be wondering if he is really what I wanted in a husband and father for my children. He’s not eighteen, thus shouldn’t be how he wants to spend his time or the family money.

Agree. This is marriage ending behaviour. You're not in a partnership, you're in a dictatorship where one party does exactly what he wants without any respect for the impact on you. God knows how much it will cost too - hope you have a large bank balance.

I wouldn’t green light a 6 night stag do regardless how many children we had or their ages - it’s completely excessive and using up valuable leave we could’ve spent on a holiday as a couple/family. You are absolutely not unreasonable in your feelings.

We have a 7yo, 5yo and an 18 month old. Both DH and I have had a weekend away each since the youngest was born (and both after he turned 1). Dealing with bedtime, nighttime wakes, swimming lessons, etc wasn’t ideal - but it was only 2 nights so we sucked it up and made the best of it. I wouldn’t dream of asking DH to sooo parent for longer than that, and I don’t think he’d ask it of me either. To be completely honest, I wouldn’t be able to look at DH the same if he went on that trip and would be questioning the relationship.

SIX NIGHTS is not a stag do it’s a lads holiday! It’s also completely ridiculous and outrageous and would absolutely not fly in our house. God if my DH suggested he f* off for SIX NIGHTS I’d wet myself laughing.

If he does go. You should pack a bag and take yourself off for a holiday with your youngest and leave your DH to it. I got really like this with my DH a couple of years ago and it’s the only thing that changed our dynamic. I wish I’d done it earlier tbh as I really suffered for several years first and gad a full break down. Now I’m very much about equality and I don’t let him put me over a barrel. It used to be a lot of ‘but you can’t do xyz like I do because I have to work when I’m back’ - now all he gets is a ‘that sounds like a you problem’ and a door slamming as I leave.

I think that bit of ‘she will actually leave me in the shit’ fear has worked absolute miracles in our marriage.

The age gap, your age and how many children it is, is irrelevant imo.
You told your husband, the father of your children that leaving for 6 days with 3 children for a stag do wasn’t going to be possible and he has chosen to disregard your feelings and do what he wants..
I would be absolutely furious in your shoes, and I’m not surprised you are anxious.
What has been his explanation about his thinking he can just swan off?! A 6 day stag do is totally ridiculous, if there’s enough time I would be looking for a dbs mothers help/childminder who can come and give you hand if you’ve no family around at the same time.
I would definitely be telling both sides of the family and asking if there is anyone that doesn’t already have plans that could possibly stay over.
How bloody dare he be so selfish, honestly OP I’m furious on your behalf!
My DH was worried about going on a 3 day stag do when I had a 13month old and I was 6 months pregnant, there is no way he would have even contemplated it if I was in your situation.
Sending you a big hug.

I didn’t get the opportunity to say no he mentioned it when I was pregnant and I said no to booking it and said he needed to see how difficult it was first. Then just dropped some hints last week and booked it and told me by asking if I’m going to be ok when he’s away ...

This is so bonkers that I'd be worried that something had gone medically wrong with him. How can he book tickets for an overnight stay without checking with you when you have shared responsibility for young children? What would have happened if you had booked the same six nights away without telling him in advance? The only way that could work was if he'd planned to take all of the children with him, or had lined up a mutually acceptable carer to take full charge of them. He can still do these things if there's a week to go, but in future he cannot be so stupid; it just doesn't work.

You also mention that you've never had a night away from the children, which means HE has not had the experience of wrangling the three of them alone for six nights straight and has no idea what it is that he's expecting you to do.

As an aside, keep in mind that he's going because HE wants to go; people who book non-local stags or hens (even for the more typical 1 or 2 nights) expect that many to most invitees will not be able to attend. That's the trade-off for a more unusual or interesting location. Certainly, the groom and the best man (or whoever's organizing the stag) won't expect the father of the three month old to go away with them for six nights!

If you have such a lack of self awareness and insight, it might be best to just keep quiet in future.

YANBU. He is. Six nights away while you've not had a single night away. Nope.

Even one night would be a big deal with kids at those ages. Wow. Just wow! How could he possibly justify this?

"defend the OP form being being called an outright liar..."

Did you mean "from"? Are you uneducated?

I'm sorry about the comments you have had on this thread. It beggars belief.

You are not remotely unreasonable and in your shoes I would be utterly losing my shit with him. You would not be unreasonable to take a scissors to his passport in my honest opinion.

It's now Friday - have you been able to sort any support at all for the weekend? Even if it's a teenager to come in as a mother's help during the day?

Because everyone in mumsnetland shits money?

You would have been accused of being an arsehole.

Tried to edit weird formatting btw

I couldn’t be with someone this selfish I’d be telling him not to come back. He’s making an utter mug of you six nights is a joke.

Are you a moron? Sounds like it. It’s just a typo - get over yourself.

My phone regularly auto corrects from and form. Its infuriating and easily missed.
No need to be such a snarky smart arse.

@LeopardPants and @Wavescrashingonthebeach - yes, I agree with both of you - not that I'm a moron, obvs, but that people can easily make spelling and / or grammar mistakes, or indeed, their phones autocorrect to something they didn't mean to write. The point of my post was to show the PP who stated that the OP was uneducated because she made grammar errors that it happens easily - also to her. It wasn't an out of context poke at someone's grammar or spelling.

Oh I see, so this was the pp who themselves was being sparky about the op's grammar....

Argh snarky not sparky! Bloody autocorrect 🤣

@Wavescrashingonthebeach - that did make me smile :)

Apparently this guy has the money for a 6 days stag do trip but not for a nanny to help HIS wife with HIS kids while he's away drinking and tipping strippers? He either pays a nanny or the OP gets a 6 day super fun holiday while he stays at home and takes cares of HIS kids.

I don't see how ANY person could see his behaviour as reasonable and fair. If a mother did this, people would find it abhorrent. Somehow, some men think this is ok. Please value yourself enough to kick this selfish prick out.