AIBU to of expected husband not to of gone on stag do

[Nattylion]

My husband has booked to go on a 6 night stag do this weekend, am I being unreasonable to of expected him not to go?

We have a 2 year old, 1 year old and a 3 month old baby none of which sleep through the night. I am absolutely dreading the thought of trying to do bedtime with all 3 of them and then managing the night wakings alone. The baby is breastfeed and has not got into a routine at all and is feeding on demand. I’m also struggling with post natal anxiety and my usual family support aren’t going to be around to be able to help as it is the bank holiday weekend.

I feel really hurt that my feelings that it’s going to be impossible to manage have just been disregarded, he has been away twice prior when we only had 2 children and said it wouldn’t be happening again when we found out about the third. I have never had a night away from the children.

actual single parents manage much more for much longer so it definitely can be done

Like most folk, I think 6 nights is taking the proverbial...

No reason he can't join them for say the last night of the stag rather than abandoning you for a week.

Hope you get resolution some how on this but IMO you are deffo not being unreasonable. 👍

The OP isn't a single parent so it shouldn't have to be done.

You'd have to be a pretty recent single parent to have 3 under 2.

Ive got 3 under 5. If my partner did this to me I would end the relationship.

That is a dick move OP.

Your partner needs to pay for a night nurse to come to help you.

Unfortunately, someone who thinks it's acceptable to go away for a week long stag do leaving his 3 small children and wife at home isn't going to "step up" and parent. If he even gave his "first priority job" any thought at all, he would have said no to his mates.

I sincerely hope this isn’t true.

My husband wouldn't dream of leaving his family for 6 nights, and we have one 5 year old and I would cope alone absolutely fine.

Your husband sounds selfish beyond belief.

I hope so too..but if it is OP needs to tell her DH that if he goes he will be returning to all his belongings in bin bags on the lawn!

Oh absolutely! If it’s true, the OP has got big problems.

I can’t see the childcare would be impossible assuming you can plan before but I’d be furious at a 6 day holiday for one person in a family of 5. Absolutely outrageous wasted expense unless finances are very very healthy.

It would be a shame if he couldn't find his passport.

Don’t be ridiculous. Of course she can look after her own children. Three children is NOT a huge amount and presumably the baby gets fed at the moment.

Me too, because if it is, the OP has got one self absorbed, thoughtless, neglectful husband.

No this is totally not ok. Taking personal substantial time and money out of family life should be agreed. You had clearly expressed that you felt you wouldn’t cope with 3 such young children whilst pregnant months back when he mentioned stag do - understandably so! He knew your feelings so he became sneaky and booked it anyway. Like others said 6 days is very long! He should have listened to you and found a compromise. He could easily have done a big night out to celebrate with stag and close mates locally in place of missing stag - other men do this in situations like this. Yes it isnt a stag do but it is clearly respecting his wife and supporting his family whilst showing his mates he still wants to be involved but just can’t do those 6 nights. That is a good compromise. What he’s done is just disrespectful, selfish and sneaky.
I personally would really struggle to deal with him when he came back. If he’s otherwise a 50:50 partner in life then maybe serious talks can save it. But if he’s not then really this is just who he is - a selfish man who puts his own needs first and always will

The post natal anxiety makes me agree YANBU. You should definitely be supported during this time. If it was a very close friend of his the least he should have done is made sure you had someone staying to help while he’s away and probably just gone for few nights.

I don’t agree with other posters that a parent shouldn’t go away solo when they have young children.

Is he struggling too and needs a break? We sometimes forget that the (good supportive) dads get stressed too, although the fact he’s just done this without consulting you makes me think not.

I think mothers should equally get time away. Book a break on your own with some friends or family, stock up the milk and get some well deserved R&R even if it’s just a one night spa.

Wow. What a selfish twat

this hasn’t been just booked

where is it ? Abroad ?

6 nights is seriously taking the piss.

2 nights away maybe depending where it is and travel

that’s a holiday

I am assuming money is no object for him so he can also pay for you to have either daytime help with 1&2yr so you can deal with baby /nap

or get a maternity nurse /night nanny in and help with nights

I would suggest going forward you get a sleep trainer in to get 1&2yr to sleep

you must be shattered

are you close to the bride - can she come over - any friends ?

if not then paid childcare

Celebrating somebody else's marriage by ruining his own.

Six nights for work is understandable. It'd still be dreadful with three very small children/babies but needs must in some jobs. Same if it were a family emergency (e.g. a parent who lives in a different country/hundreds of miles away became unwell and needed care after coming out of hospital)

A couple of nights for a stag do then fine, again shit for you but everyone does need some down time. I'd expect him to offer you a similar child-free weekend in return whenever you felt like one.

But six nights. For a stag do. That's taking the piss. Even for someone without small kids that's a lot of annual leave to sacrifice for a mate's/sibling's stag do.

HOWEVER did he discuss with you before he booked? If you've previously said it's fine then you're stuck; that was the time to tell him to get real and you need to assert yourself. If he didn't discuss with you and he just booked it then you've got bigger problems.

Definitely - why do so many people put defiantly?

Utterly selfish behaviour.
Relationship ending for me.
I bet this is who he is.

You have had children with a selfish waster.
Who is the main earner?

If you are, get a nanny and change the locks.

No decent man goes away for a holiday for a week leaving a woman with 3 under 3.

He said it wouldn’t happen again and now it is so you know his word is shit. Where do you go from here? We had another post a few weeks ago about a husband wanting to go on a stag when the OP was 38 weeks pregnant (she never returned, may have been a fake post as this one could be too).

I just can’t imagine being married to someone who thinks a 6 day holiday with 3 under 3 at home is a good idea. My DH wouldn’t have even mentioned it other than “shame I’m going to miss Bob’s stag.”

No it’s fucking outrageous. I would be saying to him that if he goes on this stag do he needn’t bother coming home. Put it in writing as well ie a text so he cannot gas light you into pretending you didn’t say that etc. And when he probably backs down, don’t tolerate any fucking sulking. He has 3 under 3, the days of stag dos abroad are well and truly over! Selfish cunt.

He booked it last weekend?

What an absolute dick of a husband you have.

I'm so sorry.

Hi @Nattylion Sorry you’re having to deal with this. Just wanted to say that the poster you’re responding to didn’t literally mean that it isn’t a stag do - I think they just meant that it’s so ridiculously long that it’s essentially equivalent to a holiday and might as well be viewed as one, i.e. something that should be prioritised with family before friends for all kinds of reasons (cost, use of leave, etc). I hope you get to a solution that you’re happy with - I definitely don’t think your husband’s behaviour is ok at all in this situation.