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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to of expected husband not to of gone on stag do

272 replies

Nattylion · 18/08/2025 20:59

My husband has booked to go on a 6 night stag do this weekend, am I being unreasonable to of expected him not to go?

We have a 2 year old, 1 year old and a 3 month old baby none of which sleep through the night. I am absolutely dreading the thought of trying to do bedtime with all 3 of them and then managing the night wakings alone. The baby is breastfeed and has not got into a routine at all and is feeding on demand. I’m also struggling with post natal anxiety and my usual family support aren’t going to be around to be able to help as it is the bank holiday weekend.

I feel really hurt that my feelings that it’s going to be impossible to manage have just been disregarded, he has been away twice prior when we only had 2 children and said it wouldn’t be happening again when we found out about the third. I have never had a night away from the children.

OP posts:
Clarinet1 · 19/08/2025 07:18

Quite apart from the six nights he’s away something tells me he’s not going to be up to doing much for several days after he gets back; Tell him he’s not going.

Superhansrantowindsor · 19/08/2025 07:19

It’s really sad he thinks this is remotely acceptable given the ages of his children. I’d be fuming op.

Littleredgoat · 19/08/2025 07:20

Tell him he cancels it or he packs his bags now. I wouldn't row just before the trip, he sounds like the sort who would then use that as license to hook up with someone because he "thought you were over". Have the row now.

MrsEmmelinePankhurst · 19/08/2025 07:21

Given the ages of the children here, the husband should not be going on the stag do AT ALL. Not even for one night. He shouldn’t even be considering it.

The kids are 2, 1 and 3 months (breastfeeding).

MyOtherProfile · 19/08/2025 07:22

This is awful. Does he hear you when you say how hard it will be? Awful timing with your family away too. Where is his family?

Everydayimhuffling · 19/08/2025 07:24

There's no way he just booked it. He would have had to book it at the time.

He discussed it with you and you said no, and then he asked if you would cope and you said no, and he's still planning to go. I agree with PP. I would be telling him that if he goes then he will not be welcome in the house when he returns. And honestly the fact that he got this far with it might ruin the relationship anyway, unless he seriously does some work on why he felt that this was in any way reasonable.

Everydayimhuffling · 19/08/2025 07:26

@GrumblyHedge No, it doesn't in that situation. Quoting phrases or individual words works differently from writing speech.

Blueberrymuffinsforthewin · 19/08/2025 07:27

If my DH did this his bags would be waiting on the doorstep when he got back. Selfish idiot and completely unforgivable.

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 19/08/2025 07:30

First of all, I will say you absolutely can do this. It will feel like you can’t, but if you get everything in order in advance - meals prepped all laundry done, days planned it will feel much much easier. I say this because I think he’s going to go regardless of what you think.

Second of all, that he would think this is the place to spend his leave (and his cash) is outrageous. I would have lost all respect for him and seriously consider leaving him.

Thirdly, what is the outcome that you think is achievable here. I don’t think he will cancel and if he does, he will let you know how unreasonable you are and resent you for it (eye roll). Could he do all the prep work I mentioned earlier and pay for a daily nanny service (since he’s seemingly rolling in free cash for a lads holiday). Can you also book a few days off for yourself. Appreciate you are breastfeeding at the moment, but something in the near future to look forward to.

AnneElliott · 19/08/2025 07:31

I agree with everyone else - this is a deal breaker. My H went away for the weekend when I was seriously ill and left me with DS who was about 7/8. Our marriage never recovered from the selfishness.

TBC45678 · 19/08/2025 07:34

No, 6 nights is way too long. We have 3 under 5 and my husband travels for work (and sometimes stags/holidays) a lot but never more than 4 nights at a push and he always makes sure he sorts out some family help for me. Haven't read the full thread but I think you need to ask him to reduce the days - I've never heard of a 6 night stag do!

Bushmillsbabe · 19/08/2025 07:39

That is an awful thing to do. He is neither a good father nor a good husband.

He needs to either cancel or pay for a night nanny for those 6 nights to help you out, although that may be hard to find at such short notice. The day he gets back, take baby (as breastfeeding) and go stay with family, leave him with the other 2 for a week and see and how he manages.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 19/08/2025 07:42

He's being a selfish twat and behaving as though he doesn't give a shit about you

banananas1999 · 19/08/2025 07:43

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 19/08/2025 07:30

First of all, I will say you absolutely can do this. It will feel like you can’t, but if you get everything in order in advance - meals prepped all laundry done, days planned it will feel much much easier. I say this because I think he’s going to go regardless of what you think.

Second of all, that he would think this is the place to spend his leave (and his cash) is outrageous. I would have lost all respect for him and seriously consider leaving him.

Thirdly, what is the outcome that you think is achievable here. I don’t think he will cancel and if he does, he will let you know how unreasonable you are and resent you for it (eye roll). Could he do all the prep work I mentioned earlier and pay for a daily nanny service (since he’s seemingly rolling in free cash for a lads holiday). Can you also book a few days off for yourself. Appreciate you are breastfeeding at the moment, but something in the near future to look forward to.

why does she has to oush herself to do this- so her husband can be a drunk moron and spend the family money while doing it? He should be booking a Haven holiday for a whole family not stag dos. Women like you are the problem who encourage and enable these manchildren

jeaux90 · 19/08/2025 07:43

Bloody hell OP. I am all for couples not living in each others shadows but the timing and length is really not on.

selfish wanker.

Devonmaid1844 · 19/08/2025 07:46

Agree with everyone, normally I'd be 'you need the time away' and 'its an important moment in their friends life's. But 6 days, with kids that age, no way. Meet up for the day and be home after bedtime but sober enough to help with at least a few overnight wakes

CarlaLemarchant · 19/08/2025 07:49

banananas1999 · 19/08/2025 07:43

why does she has to oush herself to do this- so her husband can be a drunk moron and spend the family money while doing it? He should be booking a Haven holiday for a whole family not stag dos. Women like you are the problem who encourage and enable these manchildren

Show quote history

I don’t think that’s fair. That poster was trying to encourage the OP with the practicalities of dealing with the situation when the husband inevitably goes. She also tells OP to consider leaving the relationship. I don’t think she’s enabling anything, just trying to help the OP survive.

ACynicalDad · 19/08/2025 07:54

Two, maybe three, nights I’d suck it up in your shoes. 6 nights no way. Even if the rest are going 6 nights he doesn’t need to go for iit all. Hide his passport.

OldBeyondMyYears · 19/08/2025 07:54

@Nattylionposters saying that ‘6 days isn’t a stag do, it’s a holiday’ are not saying that there isn’t a stag, and an upcoming wedding! They are making the point that stag/hen do’s are short celebrations, NOT family holiday length events! This stag (and his mates!) are literally making this stag do a ‘family holiday’ length and taking the absolute piss!!

As is your husband…no way on earth he’s ’just booked it’! 💯 % guarantee he’s had this booked a while and just not told you!

He has no respect for you at all…the question now us, what will you do about it?

banananas1999 · 19/08/2025 07:58

CarlaLemarchant · 19/08/2025 07:49

I don’t think that’s fair. That poster was trying to encourage the OP with the practicalities of dealing with the situation when the husband inevitably goes. She also tells OP to consider leaving the relationship. I don’t think she’s enabling anything, just trying to help the OP survive.

Show quote history

Thats the point in trying to make,her husband should not inevitably go- he is needed at home,he is not a single commitment free stag who can get drunk and be generally an idiot and waste noney - not for a night and more so for 6. Women need to stop enabling this kind of jerkish inconsiderate and selfish behaviour

LostMySocks · 19/08/2025 08:06

Can you book a mother's help type person to support you?
If DH can afford a week away this should also be possible

Marmalade71 · 19/08/2025 08:06

Total piss take. I generally take the view that no one should have a number of children more than they can easily look after themselves (hence I have an only 🤪) but he’s expecting you to manage 3 such young children on your own for nearly a week?? I’m sorry OP that’s a serious re-think the marriage situation.
Given that he’s clearly got money to burn on a holiday in August, he needs to be paying for as much support for you as possible over the 6 days - and he also needs to understand what this has done to your relationship.

Ohlifelife · 19/08/2025 08:08

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 19/08/2025 07:30

First of all, I will say you absolutely can do this. It will feel like you can’t, but if you get everything in order in advance - meals prepped all laundry done, days planned it will feel much much easier. I say this because I think he’s going to go regardless of what you think.

Second of all, that he would think this is the place to spend his leave (and his cash) is outrageous. I would have lost all respect for him and seriously consider leaving him.

Thirdly, what is the outcome that you think is achievable here. I don’t think he will cancel and if he does, he will let you know how unreasonable you are and resent you for it (eye roll). Could he do all the prep work I mentioned earlier and pay for a daily nanny service (since he’s seemingly rolling in free cash for a lads holiday). Can you also book a few days off for yourself. Appreciate you are breastfeeding at the moment, but something in the near future to look forward to.

First of all, I will say you absolutely can do this

She shouldn't have too!

don’t think he will cancel and if he does, he will let you know how unreasonable you are and resent you for it

Why should OP care about the opinion of this selfish disgusting man? Tbh the very fact he wants to go in this drinking/ womanising bender is the death knell of their relationship anyway.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 19/08/2025 08:13

Honestly I would tell him that he can choose between the stag do and his marriage. If he chooses the stag do he'll come back to find all his stuff outside in bin liners.

And be prepared to follow through.

Didimum · 19/08/2025 08:14

If my DH chose to go on a 6 night stag when I’d asked him not to, I’d be telling him not to come back.

Though judging by his compassion for his family and his clear priorities, this would probably be great news to him.