AIBU to of expected husband not to of gone on stag do

[Nattylion]

My husband has booked to go on a 6 night stag do this weekend, am I being unreasonable to of expected him not to go?

We have a 2 year old, 1 year old and a 3 month old baby none of which sleep through the night. I am absolutely dreading the thought of trying to do bedtime with all 3 of them and then managing the night wakings alone. The baby is breastfeed and has not got into a routine at all and is feeding on demand. I’m also struggling with post natal anxiety and my usual family support aren’t going to be around to be able to help as it is the bank holiday weekend.

I feel really hurt that my feelings that it’s going to be impossible to manage have just been disregarded, he has been away twice prior when we only had 2 children and said it wouldn’t be happening again when we found out about the third. I have never had a night away from the children.

If my DH chose to go on a 6 night stag when I’d asked him not to, I’d be telling him not to come back.

Though judging by his compassion for his family and his clear priorities, this would probably be great news to him.

Why is he going on a stag do and you are being left at home with the babies? What happened to the equality we all fought for as women? How would he feel if the tables were turned?

asking if I’m going to be ok when he’s away to which I replied “no, do you honestly think you would manage bed time and the nights on your own”

And what was his response?! I would be having rage puppies in your position. What the actual fuck is he playing at?

6 night holiday is some what taking the piss.

I solo parent alot, up to 4 months at a time. Not for effing holidays though. From when mine were 2 weeks old, it is tough. Top tip make sure you're all fed, clean (ish) and dressed. When your arse of a husband returns he can clean up the carnage. Don't worry about the state of your house. When you've stopped BF go on holiday, alone.

I'm quite relaxed and think their both parents should enjoy some time away for hen dos and stag dos or big birthdays at some point (even with young children) but even I think 6 nights is unreasonable. 3 nights max in my opinion.

My husband went on a stag do days after returning g from our honeymoon and then again when our DD was SIX WEEKS OLD. I still resent him now for it. I had two children and a bigger age gap and it was three nights but six is a piss take. Where is he going for that long? Def suggest cutting it short, surely in his brain he can comprehend how hard it will be for you!

6 nights is far too many tbh but it’s also not his fault you haven’t had a night away from your kids. Step up for yourself more and get yourself some you time! No one is forcing you to be with your kids 24/7, that’s on you! And having 3 kids so close together not sure what you expected in terms of how hard it is.

How many threads is this now, about irresponsible men and stag holidays? Men whose wives are heavily pregnant or have small children? What's going on? It's like a virus.
I don't know how you manage anyway, he's going to need to pay for childcare/domestic help.

I'm fairly chill on holidays separately and time for yourself etc. To the point where DH went on a 2 night stag for our best friend 4 weeks after my c section for our child and I had no family help. But this was pre discussed and agreed upon together. The stag was 4 nights and we agreed he could go for 2. We had a back up plan of not confirming till the week before and being prepared to lose the booking money. He would have absolutely not gone if I had said I could not cope and was sad to be apart from his baby for that time. I think this is incredibly selfish, to the point it makes me question what respect he has for you and how much he even understands or contributes to the daily situation at home, as anyone who was fully involved would surely know how difficult this would be at those ages. I agree that he shouldn't go. If he does, I would be questioning the relationship. The only way you can manage is by simple food for the kids, ordering in for yourself, trying to get plans in with friends or anyone who can come lend a hand, cosleeping etc. He's vile for leaving all of this for you to plan and sort. Also ridiculous that he's taken that amount of leave, presumably at the expense of time off as a family or time off to support you having some time for yourself. Selfish selfish selfish.

Yanbu

he really shouldn’t be considering anything more than a night out

he is being extremely selfish and six nights ffs he is an adult with responsibilities not a man child with no responsibilities

She’s not enabling him but she can’t chain him to the house either. If he goes, it’s not her fault, stop blaming her.

He is seriously taking the piss OP. He chose to have 3 kids close together and leaving you alone with them when the youngest is so young is unacceptable.

My husband wouldn’t even ask to do this. Because he is a kind and decent man and would want to look after his wife and kids. It’s completely unreasonable. I’m sorry OP.

Not for the first time even today I have thought I should be a travelling Super Grannie. A friend of my daughter is having a planned section with premature baby, family support lacking and a two year old that needs caring for (4hours from us) now OP, if I lived closer I could help although work full-time, is there no one else you can ask OP? PIL. I often have myDGD ,7. for days at a time due to DD working away, my DD is pregnant and I am already thinking of how to get my leave to stretch as she will have a planned section. Not criticising your family OP but I would adjust my plans to help but the fact the problem was caused by your very unreasonable partner would stick in my throat but that is not your fault. Sending love and useless online support💕

He needs to be told that you will be having a holiday on your own and then see how he manages. Surely some will only be going for the weekend. If he goes for 6 days then you need your own break of equal time.

Is he a bit younger than you? I get the feeling from this post you are saying you are an older mum and felt time wasn't on your side so wanted children, whereas he is younger and less pressured by this and therefore wants the freedom of going off with his mates and doing what he wants.

I would be annoyed at him wasting leave from work to go on a mate's holiday. Yes it's a stag do, but for this length it is definitely a holiday. I assume he works? I would be wanting him to be using his leave for time off at home/days out as a family, not using a week for this.

He booked an - almost week long - stag do at one weeks notice? With 3 children under 3 at home? Seriously?

Me and DH don't even kids together and neither of us would dream of doing this.

I don't even have the words.

I would spend the 6 nights he is away planning a lovely 5-6 night break away for myself, in a month or so. Give him time to come back and work a bit and then say he needs to take time off work as you are going away Thursday-Tuesday. Don’t be shitty just say “You are right, we both need a break away sometimes, it’s good for our mental health.”

He is going away this weekend there is nothing you can do other than try and make it as easy for yourself as possible. Can friends help you? Siblings? His parents? Take any help you can with bedtime or even just shipping the older one off to grandparents for a couple of nights. Do not cook anything, ready meals, takeaways, anything to not make it harder for those 6 days. Do not do any washing, do just the bare minimum and chill out with your kids.

Focus on you. He is going regardless, so show him you are your own person and you both need ‘selfish time’. Men think they are the centre of the universe, show him they are not.

I'd have absolutely lost my shit. You could probably manage 1 or 2 nights if he did his best to support you getting rest before and after. But one person can't manage all that themselves physically for 6 nights. Why the fuck did he ask you if he was going to say no. You will never forget this and it he resentment is Lilley to have a lasting impact on your marriage that he could do something without caring how it impacts you. I still remember when I had a non sleeping baby and a toddler with sleep regression due to a new sibling...my husband was away with work and I got 2 half hour naps all night

6 nights is taking the P, even without all the kids! 3 nights tops when you are handling everything you have on your plate.

You're just a married single mum. I'm sorry you're lumbered with such an absolute dick. Noone should put up with that level of selfishness.

Also, where's the money coming from?

Are you having a family break this year?

He'd be coming back to locked doors if he were my husband

I had a 2 year old, a 15 month old and a newborn when my husband moved to Dubai for work, yours is coming back at least.

6 nights is a bit much for a stag.

did you know about this stag do before it was booked?did you know you had three kids who don't sleep before stag do cam up or did all the information come out before he leaves for stag do? have you had any conversations about this or just laid down the law n said ur not going end of

He’s a selfish arsehole.