Marks & Spencers bra fittings and trans women - they've missed the point

[IdaGlossop]

A mother complained to M&S when her daughter was approached in-store by a trans woman asking if she could be of assistance. The daughter needed a bra fitting and was upset as she could see that the member of staff was male. M&S apologised.

Today, in response to the incident, M&S have announced that bra fittings are for biological women only. The solution to the mother's complaint is to not deploy trans women staff in the lingerie department! Banning trans women from having bra fittings discriminates against trans women and doesn't solve the original problem.

YANBU = M&S have messed up with this decision
YABU = Banning trans women from bra fittings protects biological women from being offered bra fittings by trans women staff

www.thepinknews.com/2025/08/18/ms-bra-fitting-trans/

Do you know what? I don't think a female member of staff should have to do a bra fitting for a man, no matter what body modifications he's performed on himself.

Especially when we know that for many men who identify as trans women it is literally a fetish.

So your AIBU is incomplete and asks the wrong question. Women should be protected from being involved in validating male identities whether they (the women) are staff or customers.

Well done M&S.

That member of staff wasn’t even working in that department, and then approached an unaccompanied minor.

Who do you suggest does these bra fittings on these men. We also don’t want men in our changing rooms. Maybe they can offer the same service in the men’s department, apparently all staff are trained in bra fitting so there should be male staff who could do that.
Not allowing men into women’s changing room is not discriminating them BTW.

Have m&s said that bra fitters must be biological women only?
If not then they have very much missed the mark

He wasn’t deployed in the lingerie department. I think it’s right that female staff shouldn’t have to fit bras for AGP men.

Especially when we know that for many men who identify as trans women it is literally a fetish.

This is absolute rubbish and shows you’ve never met or spoken to anyone who is trans.

From the article in the OP

“Our bra-fitting service has been developed for our female customers and all our bra fitters are female,” a spokesperson told The Scottish Sun. That meant “biological females”, they said.

You don’t believe there are any men who dress up as women as a fetish? None.
where have you been living your whole life.

female bra fitters absolutely must not feel compelled to perform bra fittings for men, regardless of their identity.

if there is a demand M&S could employ men to perform bra fittings for men, but is suspect there wouldn’t be much uptake

No it isn't - you must think we were born yesterday.

Debbie Hayton is a man who identifies as a trans woman who has been clear about AGP and what led him to claim to be a woman.

https://debbiehayton.com/agp/

I actually don't think a woman should have to fit a bra for a man. It's a matter of consent. Of course, some women might be fine with doing so, and that's fine, I suppose, but I don't think female members of staff should have to touch a male body as part of their job if they don't want to. It's not what they'll have signed up for.

They have said that yes.

Point taken about the wrong question. I think trans women should have a specialist bra fitting service, carried out by other trans women in a dedicated store or at home.

But it shouldn't happen in a woman's single sex space as a female member of staff cannot consent on the behalf of other women.

She can, of course, do this as a specialist service in the men's fitting rooms.

I have spoken and interacted with several trans women, they are living their life and it’s nothing to do with fetish.

There might be some, but most are doing nothing to hurt women. It is insulting to say it’s a fetish and incorrect.

Bra fitting should be carried out by a person who is the same biological sex as the customer in a changing room designated for that sex .

That would be a grand idea and I assume very welcome. Or maybe they could search online as there are wants to measure for bras yourself. But a dedicated service would be great

Yes, fully agree.

I have read the story in Pink News, which doesn't mention the bra fitters.

There is no such thing as "trans women". They are trans-identified men. And no, they should not be having bra fittings in the same changing room as women. Or tending to women and girls having bra fittings.

They're hurting women by being in their spaces and taking their resources. Granted, not all women will be hurt by their presence, but a lot will, and since those spaces were set up for biological women, it's not really fair, is it?

They're stil men, though. However they wish to identify.

100% this.

consent matters. And if a woman doesn't want to measure and fit a male for a bra then that's absolutely fine, and should be respected.

@hiintrepidheroesOh, and most regular, non-trans men I know are lovely people just living their lives, and not hurting women, but we still don't let them in women's spaces, do we?

Well it's a good job no one said it is a fetish for all trans women then.

No woman should have to do a bra fitting for men regardless of their motives.

The fact that you have lovely trans friends does not mean that men with fetishes/ agp do not exist.

We literally know they do.

They tell us, they write about it. They parade it on social media.

This is more to do with a bloke calling himself Sophie Molly who has booked himself a bra fitting and is insisting he’s still going even now m&s have clearly stated their rules.