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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find these comments from new mum friend intensely irritating

243 replies

HopalongHorace · 18/08/2025 06:25

A friend has recently had a baby and I’m getting “first person in the world to ever have a baby” vibes and starting to find it irritating. For context I have a 8 month old and a few other girls in our friendship group also have had babies in the past year or so. Naturally everyone was thrilled when friend got pregnant as it’s something she’s wanted for a while, but was waiting to meet the right partner (which she now has).

I’ll give some examples of comments she has made -

Is it normal to not let the baby out of your sight and just want to look at them all the time, I don’t know how other mums get anything done as I just can’t stop staring at Kevin (not his real name)

I know everyone says it’s amazing when you have a baby but for me it’s just something more, this incredible bond like nothing else, a very unique thing between me and Kevin

Gosh I don’t know how you can bear to leave your baby (I recently left mine with my sister for 4 hours for the first time), I don’t think I could leave Kevin as our bond is too strong and he needs me

Maybe I’m being sensitive but it feels like she thinks she loves Kevin more than the rest of us love our kids (which I don’t think is true), has anyone else experienced this or AIBU?

OP posts:
Squirreleeee · 18/08/2025 06:27

Yes, irritating haha, but let her have her moment.. just reminder her of this when little Kevin is doing her bloody head in and she's looking for a babysitter....

Takeoutyourhen · 18/08/2025 06:28

I’d bet that she is struggling somehow and saying these kinds of things makes her feel better.
Then again, she could just be a competitive parent and it will be “I don’t understand why people use second-hand clothes against their precious babies skin/feed them non-organic/go back to work- I could never leave them.”

Purpleturtle45 · 18/08/2025 06:28

Cringe and annoying!

Thepeopleversuswork · 18/08/2025 06:29

Yes but it was ever thus and will pass. Not worth getting excited about.

PollyBell · 18/08/2025 06:29

I just say things like are you going to sit in the classroom with them or home school because you being attracted to them 24/7 is perfectly rational and wont up with therapy issues when the apron strings are cut, how will you cope when they are married? Will you follow them to the bog when they are a teenager?

Don't care if it changes how they think as long as they stop the neurosis around me , usually work

EsmeWeatherwaxHatpin · 18/08/2025 06:33

I think you’re being over sensitive. From what you’ve posted she’s not being critical of anyone else. She just loves her baby. Or as has been said, maybe she’s finding it tricky and sees you all and sees capability and comfort and is trying to reassure herself through the “holy cow this is a serious thing we did wtf do I do” bits.

If she starts telling you you’re doing things wrong and she’s right, then perhaps it’s time to get irritated. But I just don’t see that here.

Cuppola · 18/08/2025 06:33

She sounds brimful of the excitement of being a new mum and unaware of the subtext of what she’s saying. With time, sleepless nights, teething, etc she’ll change her tune! I wouldn’t take her too seriously.

OneNeatBlueOrca · 18/08/2025 06:33

Maybe I’m being sensitive but it feels like she thinks she loves Kevin more than the rest of us love our kids (which I don’t think is true), has anyone else experienced this or AIBU?

Oh yes I got that from my sister. First woman ever to have a baby. She was absolutely neurotic. I nearly told her to go home once when she came to stay.

She ruled most of my home inappropriate For her baby. One bedroom was too hot, the other was too light (mid summer) and she was creating merry hell saying her 2 baby wouldn't sleep in any of these rooms not realising it was her storming around with her 4 month old that was keeping her awake. I said if she didnt like it she could leave in the morning but I wasnt being spoken to like this in my own home. As it was baby slept no worse than at home in the end.

Id just say to her yes we've all been there, you're not the first woman to have a baby.

OneNeatBlueOrca · 18/08/2025 06:34

EsmeWeatherwaxHatpin · 18/08/2025 06:33

I think you’re being over sensitive. From what you’ve posted she’s not being critical of anyone else. She just loves her baby. Or as has been said, maybe she’s finding it tricky and sees you all and sees capability and comfort and is trying to reassure herself through the “holy cow this is a serious thing we did wtf do I do” bits.

If she starts telling you you’re doing things wrong and she’s right, then perhaps it’s time to get irritated. But I just don’t see that here.

She is crticial

She criticised OP for leaving her baby for 4 hours with a family member.

verycloakanddaggers · 18/08/2025 06:35

Loads of new parents are a bit wide-eyed about it all, she's really saying nothing that hasn't been said a million times.

Maybe I’m being sensitive but it feels like she thinks she loves Kevin more than the rest of us love our kids It's possible you're projecting here.

Either give her a friendly ear or distance a bit, whatever helps you cope with your feelings.

Original poster
HopalongHorace · 18/08/2025 06:36

EsmeWeatherwaxHatpin · 18/08/2025 06:33

I think you’re being over sensitive. From what you’ve posted she’s not being critical of anyone else. She just loves her baby. Or as has been said, maybe she’s finding it tricky and sees you all and sees capability and comfort and is trying to reassure herself through the “holy cow this is a serious thing we did wtf do I do” bits.

If she starts telling you you’re doing things wrong and she’s right, then perhaps it’s time to get irritated. But I just don’t see that here.

She sort of is being critical though, she’s implying that other mums have a less strong bond as they can bear to leave their (much older) babies for a few hours.

I just thought it was a given that everyone is besotted by their new baby so I don’t think I really mentioned it myself.

OP posts:
bldy · 18/08/2025 06:37

Just ignore & don't take it personally.

Original poster
HopalongHorace · 18/08/2025 06:38

verycloakanddaggers · 18/08/2025 06:35

Loads of new parents are a bit wide-eyed about it all, she's really saying nothing that hasn't been said a million times.

Maybe I’m being sensitive but it feels like she thinks she loves Kevin more than the rest of us love our kids It's possible you're projecting here.

Either give her a friendly ear or distance a bit, whatever helps you cope with your feelings.

Possibly projecting yes. I feel confident that I love my baby the usual amount (a lot of course), but these comments are making me think maybe other people don’t think I do as I don’t tend to go on about it?

OP posts:
User37482 · 18/08/2025 06:39

It’ll wear off, I would give this a little bit of grace and try to ignore it. But yeah she was rude, I would have been delighted if someone would have taken mine for 4 hours.

Iocainepowder · 18/08/2025 06:41

Yeah that would irritate me tbh. It’s great that she loves motherhood, but she might be insensitive to the fact that other parents really struggle for many valid reasons and she needs to have a sense of when she might start loading guilt onto them.

I had to leave my 5 month old overnight as I was taken away in an ambulance. She needs some perspective.

Horsie · 18/08/2025 06:44

Squirreleeee · 18/08/2025 06:27

Yes, irritating haha, but let her have her moment.. just reminder her of this when little Kevin is doing her bloody head in and she's looking for a babysitter....

🤣🤣🤣

verycloakanddaggers · 18/08/2025 06:44

HopalongHorace · 18/08/2025 06:36

She sort of is being critical though, she’s implying that other mums have a less strong bond as they can bear to leave their (much older) babies for a few hours.

I just thought it was a given that everyone is besotted by their new baby so I don’t think I really mentioned it myself.

Show quote history

You are interpreting it as criticism, but she may simply not feel able to leave her own baby.

Parents are all different, and those who feel happy to leave their baby with a GP or childminder or whatever clearly DO feel more able to leave their baby. It has nothing to do with loving the baby more.

You could explain to her you think the bond is just as strong whether a parent leaves their baby with someone else or are with them all the time? That might be helpful info for her.

SparklyGlitterballs · 18/08/2025 06:44

The comments an are a bit irritating but I'd probably just smile and give a little knowing laugh. Or, if you feel compelled to say something, then maybe 'Goodness, you're giving off those "I'm a new mum" vibes again Geraldine' or 'We're all a bit like that in the beginning Geraldine, and then reality sets in'.

verycloakanddaggers · 18/08/2025 06:47

HopalongHorace · 18/08/2025 06:38

Possibly projecting yes. I feel confident that I love my baby the usual amount (a lot of course), but these comments are making me think maybe other people don’t think I do as I don’t tend to go on about it?

Show quote history

So she's touched a nerve in you. It's good you can see it. Focus on you and your baby, the whole of parenting can feel like a competition - but only if you choose to let it.

Isxmasoveryet · 18/08/2025 06:49

Can't stand gushy parents I think airhead n change the subject

Fruitandnuts · 18/08/2025 06:51

The hormonal flood is strong. I look back at photos of my baby and at the time thought she was the most amazing beautiful baby ever but with some time now its like yeah its a baby. Just like every other one.
your friend is just being biological and in a bubble. Could be worse if she was struggling to bond.
its all a big rollercoaster, just smile. Its all a learning curve and adapting to being a mother.
i now will give any new a mum a pass as i probably said some unhinged things myself.

ForFunGoose · 18/08/2025 06:51

She is a dose!
Just ignore her she will make a rod for her own back!! You continue to have a lovely baby/life balance and tell her as little as possible so she can’t compare.
You won’t be the only one thinking this either but finding it harder to shake off. Some of our inner critics are more triggered because of life experiences.

CurlewKate · 18/08/2025 06:53

Irritating-but give her a break. Pretty sure most of us don’t actually remember what we were like in the early days. Except me. I remember only too well. I have very tolerant friends.

Fleur405 · 18/08/2025 06:55

This says more about her as a person than it does about you. Just rise above it!

Meadowfinch · 18/08/2025 06:56

It'll pass. Soon she'll be desperate to get her hair cut and will be running on 2 hours sleep and will burst in to tears and say she can't cope.

Just ignore it.