To find these comments from new mum friend intensely irritating

[HopalongHorace]

A friend has recently had a baby and I’m getting “first person in the world to ever have a baby” vibes and starting to find it irritating. For context I have a 8 month old and a few other girls in our friendship group also have had babies in the past year or so. Naturally everyone was thrilled when friend got pregnant as it’s something she’s wanted for a while, but was waiting to meet the right partner (which she now has).

I’ll give some examples of comments she has made -

Is it normal to not let the baby out of your sight and just want to look at them all the time, I don’t know how other mums get anything done as I just can’t stop staring at Kevin (not his real name)

I know everyone says it’s amazing when you have a baby but for me it’s just something more, this incredible bond like nothing else, a very unique thing between me and Kevin

Gosh I don’t know how you can bear to leave your baby (I recently left mine with my sister for 4 hours for the first time), I don’t think I could leave Kevin as our bond is too strong and he needs me

Maybe I’m being sensitive but it feels like she thinks she loves Kevin more than the rest of us love our kids (which I don’t think is true), has anyone else experienced this or AIBU?

Smile and gently back away.
These type often morph into competitive mothers.
Beyond dull and tedious to be around, I just couldn't be listening to it.
They certainly aren't the type you EVER want to be confiding in that you are struggling or having a hard day.

Don't waste time on these type is my advice.

I think you are being sensitive. It's annoying, of course. But it's just how she is experiencing. It doesn't take anything away from you and your relationship with your baby. Rise above it.

My kids are now 11 and 8 and I just smile when people say this sort of stuff - for two reasons (1) it brings me back to that honeymoon phase of babyhood and (2) enjoy it while you can, at some point Kevin will be screaming he hates you while he slams the door in your face.

I would keep an eye on her as she may be struggling.

You're not a very nice friend to start a thread about her on here imo.

I do agree. I always hated my job and back when I had my first DC, it was genuinely the first time I felt loved by anyone so I was really on cloud 9.

I was well annoying when I had my PFB. My mates didn’t tell me but my brother did (thank god). You need to remember though she has so many hormones going through her it’s like she’s hit a crack pipe.

You also don’t know - she could have struggled with fertility, she could be having issues and overcompensating, there’s many reasons she could be being cringe that are a bit more serious. Depending on how close you are, maybe tell, but only if you’re really really close and even then it’s a risk.

Trust me, it will wear off. By the time DS came around I was trying to hand my kids off to anyone who would have them lol. It definitely gets easier to let them out your sight…

If she is breast feeding then it's likely the hormones.
I physically couldn't leave my babies with anyone, it was actually painful to even contemplate it.
That's nature for you -it is perfectly normal

Kevin would be a great name for a baby! 😁

A lot of people here are failing to realise. If you had a bad relationship with parents and never felt loved then sometimes that baby stage is incredibly healing, even my therapist told me that was a thing. Not everyone has the same life experiences. I absolutely loved the baby stage personally. Now my littlest is older, I can see in a more balanced way but back then it was different

Except she was thinking about the OP's older baby when she made the comment about not being able to leave her baby. It's very clear in the OP's posts that the friend was questioning how the OP could leave her baby for a few hours as the friend couldn't dream about leaving (her much younger) baby. Perhaps if the friend could leave other parents out of it and not pass judgement on them, then the OP and others would find her less annoying.

@DarklingIlisten not nice to start a thread to ridicule.

Does it even need a thread. Most people would just shrug or roll their eyes.

She did, but the other way to view that is she's in the OMG I can't let go of this precious baby stage. Which is kind of normal when you are filled with hormones. Yes, she's being unreasonable, but it's the sort I'd ignore, bit like the drunk who says they love you. It'll pass. And is healthier than the drunk!

I remember my friend saying on her baby's first birthday how sometimes I just come home and look at him. And I thought it was so sweet and loving. Yes, of course he grew up too!

I’d just stay away a little if you can if she’s being irritating, not obviously so as babies are not tiny for long. Meet up in a group if it’s possible and sit away from her.

It’ll pass, remind of her of this when Kevin hits the mad toddler phase and she’ll love/need a break (whether she admits it or not!).

I'd put most of this down to excitement and joy. Where it goes too far is the "I can't understand how you can..." comments, as she either lacks the social skill to realise that "I do this and can't understand how you don't" comments are critical, or she knows and is deliberately trying to 'out mum' you. I think I'd accept her comments about her own feelings with a smile, but challenge any that talked about mine or other mums.

obviously i’ve never done that either! but i find that a very uncharitable reading of the fairly benign comments given. imo OP is the one making it a comparison. new mum is just being a bit thoughtlessly gushy

Just wait till Kev gets older, she won’t be saying this when he’s a gobby, know it all teenager.

Aww don't overthink it. She's just in love with her baby. Although, an earlier poster bought up an important point: some people say what they feel they're supposed to say or give off a defensive image that they're ticking all the right boxes but actually inside they're struggling to manage and are feeling low/depressed/anxious/lost. Not everyone suffering with those feelings admits it outright or 'looks' like they're feeling that way.

I'd cut her some slack tbh and just smile and move on.

She's just making comments most first time mams have made tbf.

"Oh if I had a baby as cute as Kevin I couldn't possibly leave them alone. I think you should do baby commercials with him."

When she comes back from the bathroom: "He seemed a bit anxious just there, maybe you should take him with you next time."

"I always wondered what it would be like to have a child quite so lovely."

I would be seriously tempted to take the piss every single time.

I find these comments come from mothers who are struggling and generally feeling quite inferior.
I think it's best to humour her.
I know a mum- who talks like she's the most amazing mother in the world, except she has him 50% of the week, then childcare during the day, and she just talks about getting him out of the way. Initially I was supportive and helpful to her, but she would do everything better- but doesn't do any of it. I did distance myself when it became clear that it wasn't just a hard time. It was her all over.

Yep, l would find them annoying. She sounds smug and judgey. Time to take a bit of a step back. 4 hours is nothing and what is wrong with it?!

It does make me chuckle when people think they are the first person ever to have children. The worst bit is when they turn into mummy martyrs, then comment and try to police everyone around them. Whilst getting increasingly burnt out, wild eyed and resentful

It’s just the New Parent Drama Llama routine. It’ll pass. 😉

You just need to be breezy. Don’t take offence. ‘Gosh these days I love a break, and it so good for him to spend time with my fam. It’s natural for them to spend time with their family, it’s happened since the Stone Age!’

Many first time mothers act like a dick at the beginning. Before reality really kicks in. I remember writing a pregnancy “announcement” email to my friends saying that the baby would not be changing my life one iota and how it would be fitting in around my lifestyle blah blah. Thank god I didn’t send it in the end as I cringe when I think about it now.

She may be one of the few that get stuck in the “my pregnancy/birth/parenthood experience is just sooo unique and more profound than everyone else’s” bubble, but it’s more likely she will be looking back on these days in the not too distant future with a touch of embarrassment.