To find these comments from new mum friend intensely irritating

[HopalongHorace]

A friend has recently had a baby and I’m getting “first person in the world to ever have a baby” vibes and starting to find it irritating. For context I have a 8 month old and a few other girls in our friendship group also have had babies in the past year or so. Naturally everyone was thrilled when friend got pregnant as it’s something she’s wanted for a while, but was waiting to meet the right partner (which she now has).

I’ll give some examples of comments she has made -

Is it normal to not let the baby out of your sight and just want to look at them all the time, I don’t know how other mums get anything done as I just can’t stop staring at Kevin (not his real name)

I know everyone says it’s amazing when you have a baby but for me it’s just something more, this incredible bond like nothing else, a very unique thing between me and Kevin

Gosh I don’t know how you can bear to leave your baby (I recently left mine with my sister for 4 hours for the first time), I don’t think I could leave Kevin as our bond is too strong and he needs me

Maybe I’m being sensitive but it feels like she thinks she loves Kevin more than the rest of us love our kids (which I don’t think is true), has anyone else experienced this or AIBU?

We all say stupid things in those early days. It’s an intense time. Just smile and nod.

Most of us in those early days have proclaimed how perfect the baby is and how we absolutely won’t be co-sleeping, will only be feeding organically and zero screen time…

If she’s STILL like that in a few months, then you might need to revisit your friendship then!

I think people are a bit mixed up with the comparison too. New mum can't imagine leaving newborn doesn't actually have much to do with mum of 8 month old going out, there's 7 months or so of difference in age for a start. I wouldn't think new mum is considering the 8 month old as still a baby as such, because of the size difference.

I remember a mum being all indulgently annoying that I was helping 18 month old DS on a trampoline, while her 4 year old ran about. Sure, mine did that at 4 as well. Kids change, how you feel changes, what you think they're capable of changes. An 8 month old recpgnises family, can eat food, has predictable naps, predictable poos etc etc. Not at all the same as the helpless 1 month old living on a boob who can only just hold their head and only recognises mum and dad's voices.

Unfortunately whilst a new baby is life-changing it’s not character-changing. I’d wager she’s never had a huge amount of empathy? That’s usually what makes people think their normal feelings are exceptional.

She'll grow out of it.

She sounds sickening.

I’m not though, because whilst I may be thinking “just you wait” I recognise those comments are very annoying and therefore keep my mouth firmly closed.

Maybe she just has an easy baby. Shes just excited

How new is the baby? If she’s still in the newborn phase I think YABU, she’s in a PFB bubble and things are still feeling surreal and overwhelming.

If baby is several months old and she’s still making comments like this i can see why you’re feeling annoyed, I’d just distance myself a bit until she realises her experience is no different to anyone else’s.

This sounds far more annoying than anything the new mum is doing

What a lot of negativity on this thread. God forbid a woman enjoys motherhood and is vocal about it. Better bring her down immediately before she gets any ideas about parenting life being anything other than an unremitting round of drudgery and seething unvoiced grievances

Very annoying, but I'd just have a bit of a chuckle about it. Maybe even a bit of banter... "really Meghan? I don't know what that feels like, I couldn't give a toss about mine!"

In real life good people are happy when other people are happy. In real life women can talk together about the true joys and hardships of motherhood, and the women coming on mumsnet to complain about it or suggest bitter little one-line comebacks to shut down someone’s joy are the anomaly.

I much prefer real life to what i’m seeing on this thread

It’s lovely that she’s enjoying it, but why can’t she enjoy it without having to insist her bond is superior?

I love hearing my friends say things like “wow the love is incredible”, it’s the bit that comes after which is irritating.

Ha yes, it's annoying, but I'm sure I said some shit like that too 😆 I'd say something like "ha, these early months hormones do make everything feel extremely intense, don't they" you can also add "it's not a competition"

Literally why??? Don’t you relate to what new mum is experiencing? Why be so horrible.

Of course we relate to it, that’s precisely why it’s annoying that this mum thinks she’s the only mum in the world that loves her baby that much!

Sounds perfectly normal first time mum behaviour. And why would one do anything else but spend time with your baby - esp if you are on maternity leave and will go out to work at some point?

I think you are being extremely pernickety and basically finding reasons to take issue with what at best is a slightly clumsy way of talking.

I highly doubt she is thinking of your older baby at all when she’s saying these things. She’s talking about how SHE feels now, in the moment, with her newborn.

If you don’t like it, avoid her for now. Or if you don’t like her, avoid her forever. Problem solved

It kind of makes you sound jealous which I don’t think you are really.

she’s just got the feels and is blown away by how strong it all is. Let her have it. Smile and nod.

I am not getting that from the comments you’ve put here unless there’s something more you haven’t shared

She obviously speaks in a more unfiltered way than you like so stop seeing her I guess

Do all people grow out of it?

I went out with dd, her friend and friend’s dm after A Levels. Friend’s mum kept going on, “Amelia and I have such a special bond”, “Amelia and I are not like other mothers and daughters”, “I’ll be devastated when Amelia goes to university because we’re so close.”

Dd said the look on my face was priceless!

I can't relate to assuming other mums don't love their babies as much as I do, no 😂And I don't think my response is "horrible", just a bit of gentle ribbing, which is a fairly standard way of pulling you friends up if they make slightly silly/insensitive comments, using a bit of humour to keep the tone friendly rather than allowing resentment to build up or making a Big Deal of it.

Nod and smile

But if it continues, fade her out

Nope, I never felt the need to compare my bond with my kids with my friends' bond with their kids and make it sound like mine is stronger/better/whatever. That's a realy odd and annoying thing to do, tbh.

I would feel sorry for her more than anything.

In three years time, she might well be cringing at her pfb obsession.

Some new mothers can be so annoying.

My sister would constantly talk about breastfeeding and tell me stats on breastfeeding and constant breastfeeding stories. It was so freaking annoying because I didn’t care.