To find these comments from new mum friend intensely irritating

[HopalongHorace]

A friend has recently had a baby and I’m getting “first person in the world to ever have a baby” vibes and starting to find it irritating. For context I have a 8 month old and a few other girls in our friendship group also have had babies in the past year or so. Naturally everyone was thrilled when friend got pregnant as it’s something she’s wanted for a while, but was waiting to meet the right partner (which she now has).

I’ll give some examples of comments she has made -

Is it normal to not let the baby out of your sight and just want to look at them all the time, I don’t know how other mums get anything done as I just can’t stop staring at Kevin (not his real name)

I know everyone says it’s amazing when you have a baby but for me it’s just something more, this incredible bond like nothing else, a very unique thing between me and Kevin

Gosh I don’t know how you can bear to leave your baby (I recently left mine with my sister for 4 hours for the first time), I don’t think I could leave Kevin as our bond is too strong and he needs me

Maybe I’m being sensitive but it feels like she thinks she loves Kevin more than the rest of us love our kids (which I don’t think is true), has anyone else experienced this or AIBU?

I work full time. So does my husband.

No shame for working parents here, you're imagining it.

Shame away. I wouldn't pay any notice.

Loving being with your babies and not wanting to be separated from them is fine and normal, why is there 6 pages of mean spirited comments saying "She'll see! She'll be desperate to palm him off soon when Kevin is awful!"? So they can all point and laugh at the happy mum who loves being with her baby when she realises how shit it actually is? Because they want her to be unhappy and stressed like they are? This thread is dripping with "I'm miserable and can't wait for you to be too!" vibes. For some reason it really annoys other mums when a mum is actually happy with her baby, you see it here all the time and in real life.

I agree that those comments are mean-spirited, I just think your post was as well.

Cool.

I got from mum friends with boys that they loved their babies more because of the special mum son thing. I don't know why it upset me but it did at the time, very deeply. I felt they pitied me and I was missing out. Of course I should have focused on me and my baby but it's a time when you are very sensitive and other people can be extremely insensitive

You call this a mean-spirited threat and then you come out with this judgemental load of crap:

'I have no idea how parents of babies can leave their baby with grandparents overnight or even for a whole weekend which is what someone I know did! Bonkers. I really don't understand the mums who complain endlessly about their kids and are always desperate to hand them off to anyone who will take them. It's sad.'

I have a baby boy and this is so odd. I'm sorry people said that to you! I love my son just as much as id have loved a girl and the same amount as anyone else!

There's nothing wrong with liking having your child with you. It doesn't mean that mums who let their child sleep over at their grandparents occasionally don't enjoy their child's company. It's definitely very bitchy for you to call them 'miserable mummies'.

Having an older child sleep over at grandparents occasionally is very different from leaving a young baby for a whole weekend. That's not normal in my opinion and it's the ones desperate to hand their kids off to anyone who will have them for an hour that are judging and taking the piss out of a mum who doesn't want to leave her baby like it's weird and she's just being stupid and one day she will see that actually Kevin is awful and she'll be desperate to ditch him too. Mean mummies indeed.

I stand by my statement.

Also, according to this thread there is something wrong with liking having your child with you. There are a lot of unhappy people on this thread.

And there's absolutely nothing wrong with leaving your baby with their father before six months, or with grandparents for a few hours. This is so context dependent. What kind of father, what kind of grandparent. How involved, how capable, how loving, how nurturing they are, what's your relationship with them... These kinds of "I can't believe" blanket statements irritate people, make them feel they're are doing something wrong, whilst giving you the pleasure of appearing, falsely, oh so righteous. Especially new and first time mums can be emotionally vulnerable and making such generalist, frankly unthoughtful comments only creates stress on them whilst making you feel superior. But you aren't. A superior person would be non judgmental, and understanding. Here is a medal, bravo.

And there's absolutely nothing wrong with leaving your baby with their father before six months, or with grandparents for a few hours. This is so context dependent. What kind of father, what kind of grandparent. How involved, how capable, how loving, how nurturing they are, what's your relationship with them... These kinds of "I can't believe" blanket statements irritate people, make them feel they're are doing something wrong, whilst giving you the pleasure of appearing, falsely, oh so righteous. Especially new and first time mums can be emotionally vulnerable and making such generalist, frankly unthoughtful comments only creates stress on them whilst making you feel superior. But you aren't. A superior person would be non judgmental, and understanding. Here is a medal, bravo.

Of course there's nothing wrong with leaving a baby with their father before six months or with grandparents for a few hours. Bit I chose not to, because I didn't want to leave my baby. Which massively riles up the ones crowing about how desperate you'll be to palm them off. I do believe it's wrong to leave a young baby for a whole weekend from a biological and attachment point of view.

These kinds of "I can't believe" blanket statements irritate people, make them feel they're are doing something wrong, whilst giving you the pleasure of appearing, falsely, oh so righteous.

I haven't made any self righteous comments or "I can't believe" statements, I simply don't understand these people. There are lots of people I don't understand in life. I can't understand the spitefulness they show jeering at happy mums that they too will be desperate to palm their kids off soon enough either. I think it's sad that they feel that way, they're clearly unhappy to wish misery on the rest of us.

If it's oh so righteous to tell these spiteful harpies that actually some mums enjoy being with their babies all the time and it's not a given that they will want to give their kids over to whoever will take them for an hour soon because they're awful and annoying, then I'll gladly take that medal thanks ☺️

As for making vulnerable new mums feel stressed by having an opinion, don't be ridiculous.

Oh ignore the dickheads op. You’re perfectly right to be irritated. I would just take the piss and say “yes well you’re obviously such a better mother than the rest of us. We must not love our babies much at all compared to your infinite love for Kevin…” and roll your eyes. Hopefully holding a mirror up to her ridiculous affirmations might make her come back to reality a bit.

I'm more concerned about what you did to your child's bond with their father by never letting them have a moment alone together before 6 months. 😢By 6 months, my husband and I were equal parents and he did everything I did except breastfeeding, I can't imagine how much they'd have both missed out on if I'd kept my baby like property.

God, she sounds like a total bore.

Lol she's not property she's a person.

No need to be concerned, they're super close and she prefers him for bedtime. They can bond without me having to leave the house 🙄

Let her, use the grey rock method to keep calm.
Could be worse, as pp's posted.

How old is the baby? I get it’s annoying but it will likely fade or she will go on about it less. I do remember telling another mum friend how amazing motherhood was and I wanted to tell everyone they should experience it .. but I only said it once and definitely would not have said it to friends without kids! I think the love is overwhelming and maybe some women are more surprised by it. I definitely didn’t want to leave dd awake for about 6 months, just had no desire to/ need to, so was genuinely surprised others could and did.