So overwhelmed with newborn, handhold please

[zinrlow]

Posting here as I didn’t know where to post.

I am so overwhelmed and can’t stop crying. My beautiful little boy was born on Friday and I am finding the adjustment so difficult.

I had a very traumatic birth experience which ended in an emergency C section, so I am healing from that and am in extreme pain all while trying to settle in to motherhood and looking after a newborn.

I’m 28 and have an amazingly supportive partner who I’m so grateful for right now, my family are amazing also and my mum has been over to help us today etc.

My baby is great throughout the day, he is so chilled and feeds well sleeps etc. However, the past 2 nights at home he just will not settle at all. No matter what I do, feed him, change him, burp him etc the second we put him down in his next to me crib / moses basket he just cries. He stops crying if you pick him up and cuddle him but that means absolutely no sleep for us.

My partner has just taken him downstairs to settle him and spend the night so that I can get some rest in bed but I feel awful. I am so overwhelmed and don’t know how I am going to cope with it all. I know it’s only been 2 nights but I am dreading the evenings as it is so difficult, the hot weather is not helping matters either.

I just don’t know what to do, I am crying so much thinking about life before and how it will never be normal again. I would love to hear others experiences and for someone to tell me that it gets better I

Hi OP, I could have written your post 10 weeks ago. I want to say - take a breath, this is all so scary and new and you’re doing amazingly. The next thing is - I PROMISE you you will feel better soon. The baby wanting to be held is very very normal. It’ll be like that for a few weeks and then it’ll slowly get better. You and your partner could sleep in shifts if that’s the case, that’s what worked for us. Your world has been turned upside down and you’re healing emotionally and physically from a traumatic birth, so take things slow. Crying is absolutely normal and encouraged. You’ve got this - I PROMISE you things will settle soon. X

Oh my love, that is so completely normal, honestly! I have two children, a nearly four year old and a five month old and with both, DH and I did shifts for the first two, maybe three, weeks because we simply couldn’t put them down. It’s natural that they just want to be held close, all they’ve ever known is the comfort and safety of you, it’s a shock being born!
You’ve been through a lot yourself and you mustn’t feel guilty about you husband taking baby for a while. Make the most of the time to rest and heal and don’t expect too much of yourself.
We have all been there, that complete overwhelm, but it gets better, I promise you that.
Congratulations to you and your husband… it’s a hell of a ride, but truly the best job in the world 🥰

Aw bless you. Yes it will get better - promise! This week or two will be the worst for you: it’s a shock having a tiny human relying on you day and night! Plus your hormones, your milk, the exhaustion, the section… it really doesn’t get worse until they’re teens. Take each day as it comes. Plan ahead an hour and no longer. You’re doing well if you’re alive, vaguely fed, vaguely clean at this point. It’ll be about 6 weeks before you can hope for som sort of rhythm or predictability. Until then, go with it. Don’t pressure yourself. Seriously.

Congratulations on your new baby!

Breathe. Your baby is safe so that’s good, you need and deserve rest. It’s okay that the baby just wants to be held, it’s normal newborn behaviour but it’s hard. Have a drink, take your painkillers and let yourself rest and get some sleep.

@Zigathank you so much for your lovely comment, I really needed to hear that tonight. It’s the biggest adjustment and the thought of going through this forever terrifies me, I pray that it gets better, this is so reassuring to read x

Sending hugs and promises that this will get better soon. An emergency c section is hard, I was in hospital for just over a week after mine and found the first few weeks at home very difficult. Dd didn't like silence as she was use to been in a noisy hospital so I use to play shows on my tablet at bedtime.

I tried to breast feed but found sitting really uncomfortable! Her dad woke one night to me and her both crying as she wouldn't settle and I was in a lot of pain. He went out to a 24 hour supermarket and bought all the stuff needed to formula feed, from that night she slept like a dream.

You will find something that works for you and hopefully you will start to feel better as you recover from the major surgery you've just had.

Sleep when you can xx

It will get easier. It will honestly get easier, and soon. Be kind to yourself. Put off anything that isn’t necessary to yours or DS’s survival and just ride the wave until a routine starts to kick in. It is such early days for you.

I absolutely promise you it will. In a few weeks time you’ll find your new normal and a flow. Having a baby is one of the biggest life altering things you can do and it’s a huge adjustment, there will be lots of tears in the next little while but all completely normal. you’ve got this!! X

That’s how it is, tonight. Tomorrow it might be different and next week it almost certainly will. Everything is just a stage and they pass by so quickly. Normal healthy newborn behaviour and you are exhausted, massively hormonal and your body is healing.

I’ve had three children, by three caesareans. With my third, he wouldn’t be put down so I’d let him sleep on me and then so so carefully I’d place him in the nook to co-sleep with me. It’s very important to do it safely and not to fall asleep holding baby. For now, take the rest while your partner settles baby. The insane evening cluster feeding stage starts soon I think…

Good luck, you are doing great.

Hi OP. It is hard and sending all the best 💐 You sound as though you have lots of support which is wonderful. Don’t feel as though you have to do it all yourself and just take it one day at a time. I recall the newborn days and how they can be exhausting and the crying can be overwhelming. You got this, mama!

It does get better OP.

I don't think anything can prepare you for the shock of your firstborn. Don't forget your hormones are all over the place as well. The way you are feeling is completely normal.

You just have to get through this phase as best you can. Its
survival mode. Sleep in the day when baby sleeps. Take shifts with your partner at night. One stays up till midnight and the other takes over then. Although you probably will have to hold him at night for a while start introducing other sleep cues, like white noise so that in a couple of weeks as he changes, he has something else he associates with sleep.

Speak to your HV or GP if you think there is something else going on beside just normal fourth trimester adjustment. Prioritise rest and care for yourself over everything except baby. You will get through this and you will be Ok.

The newborn phase is my most hated time but I still had 3 kids - I loved being a mum once I got through that. And you will too

Just wanted to send you a hug. I have 3 DC, including one just like that with crying when put down. Things feel so overwhelming right now, and hormones won’t be helping. Your partner sounds supportive which is great. Lean on your mum too. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help, sure your mum will be happy to come over and help as much as possible. I was terrible for resting when I should, I hated daytime sleeping back then, and just wanted to power through. I wish i’d have taken more help. It certainly doesn’t last forever.

When my first daughter was born, one of the nurses mentioned that the second night with a new baby can be the hardest. Hang in there. Newborns are stressful, especially with all the hormonal changes you’re undergoing, but it won’t be forever.

(I still don’t understand how people in the UK go home so quickly after c-sections. Two days after both of mine, I was just barely starting to walk again!)

I had this with my first, what you're feeling is completely normal. Not only was I recovering from a c section but the change in my life felt like I'd been hit by a truck and I often thought "what the hell have I done". She also hates sleeping in the cot - she thought I was abandoning her to the wolves! It's nothing you're doing, babies will either be okay sleeping alone, or won't - you can't change them ❤️

As others have said, work in shifts and do consider safe co sleeping - it saved me. Right now each day probably feels like it lasts a lifetime, but you'll find your groove and it will get better. Dose up on painkillers and call as much help in as you can xx

Day 3 is brutal! I can't remember exactly why, but there's a big hormone shift and everything seems absolutely completely awful.

In a couple of days it will be better. By six weeks it will be much better. By 12 weeks you'll be at your 'new normal' and life will be a lot brighter.

If you're breastfeeding they need to cluster feed these first few nights but it passes I promise.. watch some good comedy shows to help keep everything bright, it will pass xx

Congratulations and sending you a handhold and a hug 🤗

This is completely normal for you and your beautiful baby. Mine are now 12 and 8, but I still remember the struggle at the beginning. Take all the help that you can and try and at least nap for sometime during the day to catch-up on your sleep. Give yourself and your baby sometime to heal from the C section. When my first born was very clingy, someone reminded me that he had spent more than 9 months inside me and wanting to be held was comforting for him.

With my 2nd, I co-slept from the beginning and it was a life saver. Plus waking up next to a cute bundle was an added plus 😊

I promise it will get better.

congratulations on your new baby. What you describe was me too 12 weeks ago. I promise it will get easier. Take it hour by hour. The lack of sleep makes everything feel worse but you can (and will) do this.

OP, im at 8 weeks (although baby was 2 weeks early so 6 weeks adjusted) and im absolutely terrified to go back to sleep because baby has just slept for 5 hours and was quite happy to carry on sleeping....I was so concerned I woke her up!

It seems to be once the old worry has gone a new one comes to replace it! However baby seems dramatically more solid and resilient as time has gone on and things definitely settle quite quickly after the first week. You'll be golden, just be kind to yourself it's a huge adjustment but it'll be OK 🙂

my experience is this is totally normal (2 kids) and I also cried extensively!

ok so first of all, baby was warm and floating around without a care in the world listening only to your heartbeat before he was rudely evicted into this loud, bright, strange world! It’s a shock to his system, wtf is a nappy? Why are they putting clothes on me? Why is it so bright? What’s the loud thing over there? It’s no wonder he wants the comfort and reassurance of being held all the time. Somebody once told me that babies don’t understand what beds are for. They don’t know they’re safe in there. (And modern baby mattresses are hardly comfortable. My theory is that firm mattresses help reduce SIDs because no baby ever sleeps for long on them!)

from experience, things got easier at around 10 days with both kids.

we did split shifts holding DD1. With DS2, I just made my bed as safe as possible (you can look this up online) and we Co slept.

I also remember days 3-5 ish were an absolute nightmare because the tiredness really kicked in, I think the adrenaline/novelty/high from giving birth wore off, and the HORMONES were wild - it’s well known there’s a huge surge or drop at this time. I couldn’t stop crying because I couldn't remember if the smell of my newborn’s head, i hadn’t smelt him and I’d washed all of his hats. Sat on the floor sobbing into my clean washing….

its not forever, you do adapt and adjust. I promise you will start to feel normal again.

Hi OP, it will get easier. I had a traumatic birth with my first and it makes everything so tough. I didn’t even have to have the c section. Take any break you can to rest. Try not to panic that it will never end, because it will one day and you will sleep again. The length of time that it takes to get to the stage varies but this phase of crying and needing to be held gradually eases and changes over the next few days and weeks, as your baby adjusts to the outside world and as you adjust to being parents. It’s understandable that you feel overwhelmed. It really will be ok. Not sure how things work now with check ups but tell your midwife/health visitor how you’re feeling and they can reassure you that it’s normal. Also, when you’ve healed you’ll be able to go for little walks outside. That will really help, and just think, the weather will be a bit cooler by then so it’ll be nice and refreshing. In the mean time, rest, take your time and let people help you. Take care. It’ll be ok. Things with a baby never stay the same and are always evolving. It’s beautiful and exhausting at the same time and you can do it!

Oh my love I am tempted to dm you what I wrote down in my notes app on my phone as I was EXACTLY the same! My LO is now 4! It is so so so normal to be feeling this way. I also ended up in an emergency c section. Your hormones are going absolutely wild right now. I remember being absolutely overwhelmed and physically sick with love for my newborn and partner and not in a good way but in an all consuming, panicked and suffocating way. I couldn’t see how it was sustainable. I cried all the time, I was bleeding so heavily and leaking milk every second. My body felt utterly foreign to me, the lack of sleep was horrendous… i understand completely ❤️ the good news is that within a week I felt better, within two I had calmed down a lot, and after about a month I was in a MUCH better place. It’s all about holding on in the the beginning. All the old cliches are true - do not feel you have to prove anything by not accepting help - it isn’t a sign of failure. Let people cook for you, clean for you, hold the baby whilst you wash etc. Try and rest when you can. All that is required of you is to eat, drink, cuddle your baby, feed your baby. Plant yourself on the sofa, put on your favourite movies and comfort shows and ride out these hormone waves which will settle. Get your partner to make sure you have a pile of soft, clean pjs or lounge wear you can access and above all be gentle with yourself. You’ve got this ❤️

Also, be bloody proud of yourself. LOOK AT WHAT YOU MADE! You are amazing!!

It's an absolute travesty but down to needing the bed, it's certainly not in the patient's best interest. My elderly aunt (late 70s) had a hysterectomy and bladder/rectum repair recently after years of a prolapse and they wanted her to leave the next afternoon. She's anaemic anyway, had a big blood loss and her flat is up a flight of steep steps and she lives alone. The doctors were telling her it was better to be at home, less risk of infection etc and it was only when she burst into tears a lovely nurse advocated for her and said she could stay another night. A few women on her ward were discharged during the night, I think it is a shortage of beds.

FWIW I co-slept with both and it kept them calm. We all slept well.

Firstly, the tiredness is unreal!

Dont listen to others who announce their baby sleeps through - do not convince yourself you are doing it wrong or even try to be a perfect mother - decent friends and family offer support not criticism.

Try lifting your baby’s cot - towel under the mattress, quite often it’s acid reflux so keep head above belly at all times and it helps with wind.

The crying tends to get to a mother, but others not so much.

Makes sure you get out most days for a short walk in the pram, fresh air helps.