Hobby tainted

[Nicechianti]

I have an on and off hobby that is now on again. My DH and DCs were fairly contemptuous about it this morning. They reminded me of all the times I’d given up said hobby, mocked my tendency to carried away with it when I’m enjoying it, and made me feel really shit about it. An example (I’ll use train sets) was when DC showed indignation that I was planning to buy 4 trains for my train set instead of 1. DH, who knew I was planning to buy 4 trains, remained silent instead of diffusing the situation by explaining, “O, yes, NiceChianti and I had discussed this and I knew she was going to buy 4.” He seemed to enjoy the challenge they were putting up and how it gathered strength.

I felt horrible throughout this. “You can’t blame us,” was their common statement, as I tend to drop in and out of the hobby, but I explained that this was true of many people, and for many hobbies. DH had bought me a train for my birthday last month so I thought he was supportive - it’s all very confusing. I explained that my hobby doesn’t take me away from them - it’s not like I go cycling every Sunday, for example, but they just continued in this attack. DH started listing times he had been asked to fix one of my trains (twice), how I always returned trains to the shop for exchanges (several times), how he was worried it would take over again (I had already promised not to get more than the 4 trains), my DC were joining in, and now my hobby is completely tainted.

DH then left to do his hobby for a couple of hours, and returned saying he could have handled it differently, but I am shell shocked and sad. I don’t want to do anything to do with my hobby now, and I am still reeling from their united, emphatic, contemptuous front.
Keeping and maintaining and building a train set is a good analogy - my hobby is nothing weird or extreme, and plenty of people do it.

Do I stop it (YABU) or carry on (YANBU)?

Op firstly I love your drama and your language and I feel you’re justified in it all, I’m a writer, I write rom coms and hope someday (I have in the past but hopefully again) to earn enough to make a living from it. While my family have been supportive, they’ve also made jokes that made me just never want to mention it again.

You can eat animals and think they should be treated properly while they're alive.

I note with interest that after taking the piss out of your hobby, your D'H' then went out to do his own for two hours.

Maybe rip the piss out of his hobby and see how he feels.

Do your hobby OP. Whether you do it once a year or 18 hours a day, it's YOUR hobby that YOU enjoy. It's your time for you.

Fuck what they think.

Do what you want op in spite of your family.
Ignore and shut down the nasty comments by saying "I don't find this funny or productive. If I want to do x y z hobby ...I will. I am not willing to discuss the matter further..."
I would probably say to mine , "when & until you pay my bills and pay for the roof over my head ...you can tell me how to spend my money, but until then you can't ".
I'd also be talking to dh* about backing me up more if front of kids ...even if they're nearly grown.
So what if you have a hobby , pick it up, put it down , dont do it consistently? If its not hurting anyone ...do it! You’ll also be teaching your kids a good life lesson about taking time for yourself & doing what makes you happy and teaching hubby & kids they can't always rely on you & take you for granted because "mum always puts herself last", e.g put your own oxygen mask first etc (should they ever have kids) and you don't drop everything. I think they are being typical teens and your dh low key agrees with them. But I am a stubborn bitch and would do it anyway..

Of course the fish don't miss OP, but getting settled in a tank takes time, and suddenly moving them to a different environment with different fish etc, will cause them stress. Who knows whether the next tank will be suitable, or if they end up dying because of it. They shouldn't be passed from pillar to post.

Animals and fish killed for food don't flip straight from living their best life to a painless clean death. A trip to the pet shop causes distress to OPs fish, a trip to the market or the abattoir causes distress to the calves, chicken and lambs, being netted causes distress to fish.

I eat meat and I honestly found it jarring that people who know very well where their food comes were being so judgemental about the OP's fish.

Yeah, who cares about the live animals OP sells on the internet

Right, but when an animal is sent to the abbatoir, it's for a purpose (feeding people). When OP sells her fish online or sends them back to the shop, it's out of boredom. There's a big difference.

Not, I suspect, to the animal.

You are as bad as the OP then clearly.

I would literally tell them to fuck off. And then double down on my hobby.

It's fish. So you are encouraging the OP to buy live animals then discard them when she's bored. Nice

Again another one. So you are encouraging the discard of live fish?

I get this all the time when I drop in an out of my cycle of hobbies. My friends and family call it my "little obsessions". 🤣 I'm glad it's so light-hearted.

Good God people - they’re tiny fish - get a grip! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Worked remotely with a really nice guy who has quite the following on instagram I think, sponsorship and al sorts, he could be more places by now.
Fabulous tanks of fish and such care.

Really a joy, and a great skill, which anyone knows who has kept a single gold fish’s, they are hard work to keep alive .

Keep going. tell them you’re on Instagram and a Tik Tok sensation already, or don’t tell, them, just keep bringing home gold bars from all of your earnings, when you do become famous 🤣

Good luck and enjoy your hobby.

I have had this problem for the 45 years we have been together. I have an 'intellectual' and demanding job (I write language text books in 6 languages), and my hobby is making models. My OH regards making models as a brain-dead hobby fit only for morons, and does music instead. I think speaking 6 languages is every bit as respectable as music, but I have to accept that I am always looked down on and sneered at as a person of lesser intellect because I do something as stupid and pathetic as making models for a hobby.

You know you are clever and respected by the rest of us.

Your hobby, which is an excellent skill, is your method of relaxing and being creative in a different skilful way.

Ignore anyone who says anything else

Omg what’s happened to supporting each other

And? They are still live animals. Glad you think it's funny.

Oh don’t be silly!

What you have right there is an unhappy marriage

I love this OP, I think it’s a great hobby.

Well the Op doesn’t!

She has jacked it in multiple times

Don't horse people sell and trade their horses all the time? Like when they outgrow one or it gets too old to ride etc? I've never seen anyone on MN have a go at them!