Hobby tainted

[Nicechianti]

I have an on and off hobby that is now on again. My DH and DCs were fairly contemptuous about it this morning. They reminded me of all the times I’d given up said hobby, mocked my tendency to carried away with it when I’m enjoying it, and made me feel really shit about it. An example (I’ll use train sets) was when DC showed indignation that I was planning to buy 4 trains for my train set instead of 1. DH, who knew I was planning to buy 4 trains, remained silent instead of diffusing the situation by explaining, “O, yes, NiceChianti and I had discussed this and I knew she was going to buy 4.” He seemed to enjoy the challenge they were putting up and how it gathered strength.

I felt horrible throughout this. “You can’t blame us,” was their common statement, as I tend to drop in and out of the hobby, but I explained that this was true of many people, and for many hobbies. DH had bought me a train for my birthday last month so I thought he was supportive - it’s all very confusing. I explained that my hobby doesn’t take me away from them - it’s not like I go cycling every Sunday, for example, but they just continued in this attack. DH started listing times he had been asked to fix one of my trains (twice), how I always returned trains to the shop for exchanges (several times), how he was worried it would take over again (I had already promised not to get more than the 4 trains), my DC were joining in, and now my hobby is completely tainted.

DH then left to do his hobby for a couple of hours, and returned saying he could have handled it differently, but I am shell shocked and sad. I don’t want to do anything to do with my hobby now, and I am still reeling from their united, emphatic, contemptuous front.
Keeping and maintaining and building a train set is a good analogy - my hobby is nothing weird or extreme, and plenty of people do it.

Do I stop it (YABU) or carry on (YANBU)?

Some of these MN posters make your family look positively saint-like in their attack. Petty me would go and buy 8 trains and crack on with my hobby😉

Tell them all to mind their own business , do NOT feel guilty and just enjoy your hobby. My God, there’s far worse things you could be participating in! Remember, at the end of the day we might be wives, mothers etc but we are still all individual people who are entitled to have lives hobbies etc that do not involve anyone else and like I said none of anyone else’s business!

The OP said the pet shop accepts them back “if I lose interest”

This Op must have skin as thick as a rhino to repeatedly stroll in to this pet shop, buy fish and equipment, then return the fish. Then come back and buy fish. Then return the fish. Then come back and buy fish. Then return the fish.

Yeah, fuck the live animals involved - as long as OP can enjoy herself for a few months, right?

Also baffled by the comments about her lack of commitment to her hobby..

She's an adult who's raised children, presumably has a job. Does any adult in those circumstances have unlimited time and focus for a hobby? It's quite normal to have something you enjoy, but have periods where you don't pursue it. But then you feel like you want to do it again. The fact that she keeps coming back to it means that it is a genuine interest for her and not something she's not that bothered about.

There are so many things i've been interested in for most of my life, but for whatever reason I don't have the resources or time to pursue them. Therefore, occasionally they still crop up again.In my life and I have another go.

Why all the mystery? What is the hobby?

It's been mentioned so many times read the thread. You can actually filter out the original posters posts, you know.

www.bbcearth.com/news/plants-have-feelings-too

It's not a hobby. She is repeatedly buying pets (fish), gets obsessively hyperfocused on keeping them for a few months and then loses interest and gives them away to randoms on eBay or gumtree. That's not just a harmless hobby. Don't get pets if you can't commit to them and will give them away the second you lose interest.

Yes and that is fine @OneNeatBlueOrca when you can box it up put it away until next time we all do that.
but fish need to be looked after

Except it's not trains. It's living creatures.

I'm assuming your hobbies don't involve selling live animals on eBay when you get bored, though?

We really need to bring back the laugh reaction.

Plants are not the same as animals. Nice try, though.

I'm surprised the shop keeps selling her fish when she abandons them regularly tbh

This is like a hobby that I have tarantula keeping , now that's worse.Tell your partner and kids you could be bringing and swapping spiders, snakes , any kind of bug , live creature etc , reptiles ,frogs etc.
Does your train layout affect the family in any way ?
Train spotting would take you away from the home.
Collecting figures / soft toys / badges/ teaspoons , no harm in it.If you earn the money to pay for these things , why not?

Maybe she waits until there's a new sales assistant every time, lol.

I'm not sure I'd have the balls to keep returning animals and then buying new ones!

Imagine their faces when the op walks back in. For… the 4th time? 5th time?

“I would like to buy some fish”

I wonder if, as the Op leaves with her purchase, the assistant calls out… “see you again very soon!”

Fair point

OP are you by any chance neurodivergent? I'm autistic and I hobby cycle, quite dramatically, and each time I pick up the hobby again (I have a few different hobbies I cycle through) I hyperfocus and talk about it CONSTANTLY!!! It probably annoys the hell out of some of the people around me, but we all annoy people in different ways, so I don't really care.

I'm autistic and hobby cycle too, but I still don't pick up and drop live animals when I get bored.

Yeah that is true.

Ah ok, missed that. Ta

I'm assuming all the people horrified about the distress caused to the OP's fish being returned to the fish shop are vegan, yes?

Are you embarrassed by your hobby ? Why don’t you just tell us what the hobby is? It’d be far easier to work out what the problem is .

Many people on this thread are incapable of filtering the original poster's posts where she's made it abundantly clear what the hobby is.