To think DH should have told me he was changing his mind?

[Edddie]

I am living with an eating disorder that is largely anxiety driven. A big problem for me is eating in front of other people, and feeling judged when I eat or for what I eat.

I am now at a point where I can eat socially. If I am out for a sit-down meal with other people having a meal then that’s ok - but I wouldn’t order a starter/dessert when others weren’t. I wouldn’t pick up canapés that are circulating, I wouldn’t grab food from a buffet… I don’t eat in front of people if others aren’t eating. I’ll have small portions, “healthy” foods and small bites to avoid being judged. DH is very aware of these things.

Today, we’re at a touristy place. It’s me, DH, two DCs and DH’s friend. We passed somewhere selling cream tea and DH stopped and said he wanted one. So we went in and got a table. DH confirmed I would have one and I said yes. DH and his friend went to order at the counter. Then, it arrived and both DH and his friend has changed their minds and I was the only one having cream tea.

This immediately (rationally or irrationally) makes me feel like the fat, gluttonous, awful person. But I also feel extremely anxious - especially with DH’s friend there. I nibble a bit and pass it over to DH. Then I’m left spiralling over whether DH’s friend, and the waiting staff and other customers are thinking I’m rude for not eating it or gluttonous for ordering it or judging me for everything.

I feel as though, given that DH knows how I feel about food and eating, he should’ve told me that he was no longer having the cream tea.

You need CBT
You can’t expect your husband to think of everything when it is anxiety driven. Not a medical issue

anxiety is hypothetical

Edit - actually posting what I did above has prompted me to refer myself for CBT as I’ve realised how controlling my anxiety is!

Do you think that was helpful

Yes for people living with those with MH problems.....to have recognition they don't have to set themselves on fire to keep the one with MH issues warm.

Just to be clear, ITS NOT YOU, its HIM.
Very rude and almost antagonist.

Who on earth wants to be the only one eating while husband and friend sit by and watch? Sounds bloody awful. Even worse that he knows it’s particularly awful for the op who would rather not eat at all than be watched eating.
I would have asked him to take it straight back, no way would I have sat there eating on my own like a bloody lemon.
I bet he holds down a perfectly normal job too with normal responsibilities, and yet cannot remember that his life partner feels very strongly about being watched eating on her own!