To think you can’t sit in a pub all evening and not buy a single drunk

[bagpuss90]

I belong to a small ladies group. We used to meet in a bring your own drinks venue. That sadly closed and we now meet in a local pub restaurant. There’s usually around six of us and we book a table. The last couple of times three of them didn’t buy a single thing - not a soft drink , not a coffee. When I said I was going to get a glass of wine - one of them even said “well you would!””. They’re all lovely but aibu to think the venues are struggling and you just can’t do this. Also I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before the management say something (I don’t think they’ve noticed so far) to us. I think I’m going to have to broach it on the WhatsApp group

@PinkSparklyPussyCat Well your DH might think it's a problem when he's got nowhere to go for his couple of pints! I know my DH prefers to drink draught beer over tins/bottles.

To be honest we rarely go out because it costs so much and I'm not working. I prefer to go for a meal than sit in a pub so we usually reserve that for when we go away. He's bought himself a Perfect Draught machine so he's quite happy when we're at home!

But it everyone did that the place would close down. Don’t you get dehydrated?!

I think its weird. Like 1 person, 1 night maybe you might let it go. But I think half your group never even getting a soft drink is CF territory

I would say next time. ‘Right! What is everyone having? I’ll get them in. Everyone has to have a drink even if it’s just lemonade or coffee, we can’t sit in here and not order drinks, we’ll get kicked out, it’s mortifying.’

So I paid an extortionate amount for a squeeze of lime!

You weren't just paying for the squeeze of lime.

My goodness - how rude! Both to the staff and to you.

When my son was small Macdonalds was a godsend because in almost every city there will be one and they have clean, safe, toilets. Even using Macdonalds it never occurred to me not to buy at least a coffee or a McFlurry if we wanted to use their loos.

The OP's friends sound dour, cheerless and mean.

They also need the others to buy something. They wouldn't get away with spending nothing if it was just them.

I had a friend who worked her way up through several CF levels. Eventually she was bringing her own teabags and milk to a coffee shop, while I paid for mine. She'd ask for a pot of hot water pretending it was for my tea, then use it to make her own.

When I realise I was effectively subsidising her free coffee shop visits, I stopped meeting anywhere this could happen.

If they don’t want to drink and you are being criticised for buying yourself a glass of wine, it begs the question, why are they meeting in a pub ?

the only time i try not to be long is if its very busy etc then it usually is toilets etc

I thought this was obvious, you can't go and sit in an establishment without ordering anything! Would think that is so rude using their facilities, taking up a table and just sitting there. Surely they can stretch to a lime and soda or something 😅 (my go to if I don't fancy a drink and not expensive at all).

Is there really nowhere else to meet?

I would order tonic water or at least something but honestly I would decline the invite if every meet up was at a pub. I’d happily travel out farther though for somewhere else if need be.

Our local pub barred a ladies darts team because they never bought any drinks

How mean and shameless and what an outrageous comment to you. No way would I want these tight fisted women friends of mine.

What’s embarrassing about asking for tap water?
Thats all I can drink due to medical reasons!!!

But why should I have to drink more than I want if DH (or whoever I'm with) has another one? If I kept drinking I'd need the loo and I really try not to use public toilets unless I absolutely have to!

Just to be clear, I wouldn't sit in a pub without a drink like OP's friends, I just don't necessarily want more than one drink.

If they are told to buy something or leave, then ask for tap water instead, ie not paying for a drink, that's a liberty, embarrassing and even bigger CF behaviour.

Wow, they sound like fun and I say that as someone who doesn't drink a huge amount and isn't into getting pissed. They are rude. The least they could do is buy a coffee or a coke. The venue will notice and say something eventually.

You are absolutely right. It’s pretty bad to sit there and not buy a thing. Rude and thoughtless. Perhaps you could suggest that the owners of the pub restaurant go and sit in the ladies houses all night? I don’t see the difference if they’re not buying anything, after all, they are treating the pub restaurant as their own private, free space!

The pub will be ok with it if a few of you are ordering unless they are super busy and you are taking up a table that someone else could have.

It is odd behaviour but not your battle. You either offer an alternative (eg take turns hosting) or ignore it

What about meeting at your local library?

It’s very strange, but I’m wondering why you meet in a pub and not someone’s living room?

It’s very weird and tight of them not to buy anything at all! A soft drink or a coffee would be fine, as you say. I’d find it very embarrassing!

And on top of that to have the temerity to try ti shame you for ordering a drink! That’s what you’re supposed to do in a pub!

Are the group buying food as well? Or are these group members not spending any money at all in the venue?