To think you can’t sit in a pub all evening and not buy a single drunk

[bagpuss90]

I belong to a small ladies group. We used to meet in a bring your own drinks venue. That sadly closed and we now meet in a local pub restaurant. There’s usually around six of us and we book a table. The last couple of times three of them didn’t buy a single thing - not a soft drink , not a coffee. When I said I was going to get a glass of wine - one of them even said “well you would!””. They’re all lovely but aibu to think the venues are struggling and you just can’t do this. Also I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before the management say something (I don’t think they’ve noticed so far) to us. I think I’m going to have to broach it on the WhatsApp group

????
Yeah, I was screaming and ranting typing that post...a

There's a weird 'trend' on here currently where people can't seem to actually gather their lone braincell to type any sort of logical rebuttal but at the same time can't just leave it and say nothing because they haven't evolved past 5 year old rationale of getting the last word = winning.

So they come out with something like "calm down" (when there is no evidence the previous poster was angry in the first place) or "ok....it's not that serious" or "why do you care so much" or just an emoji .Really adds to the discourse 🙄

Is that because they're scared they'll then have to buy you one?

I used to belong to a book club like this. It was called reading between the wines ironically. Went to two meet ups before bowing out due to embarrassment.

If can’t afford to drink/eat in the pubs or cafes chosen you should either sit out or make an alternative suggestion.

So would you be prepared to host every meeting then?

Where would you recommend something like a book club or board games group or foreign language learners or whatever should meet, if you don't want to spend a penny on venue costs? All sit in the park in the freezing sleet in the middle of December?

People are so incredibly tight. There aren't many hobbies that you can do for less than £4 per go. I've literally never seen any pub sell a cup of tea for a fiver, BTW.

Mad isn’t it? Want to make/see friends or participate in a hobby but begrudge spending a fiver in a place you can stay warm, dry, safe and have a wee. Although maybe no weeing needed if no one buys a bloody drink.

I'd struggle in this situation. I do drink alcohol, but I'm not great at doing it moderately, so unless I'm I. For a "sessions" (rarely these days) I don't drink at all. I also don't want sugary soft drink and object to buying water (and its plastic bottles) on principle. So I'd be the one either going without or asking for tap water.

Which I think is OK, if you're with a group which is spending money. Sometimes, to avoid that I have lime and soda, which I don't really want but is the best of a bad lot, but hardy going to keep the pub afloat.

During the week, they may be glad just to have the place looking busy.

So buy a drink and donate it to one of the others who might only be buying drinks to make sure you don’t get kicked out.

I don’t think tables full of people not eating or drinking is a great advert.

See, for me the principle is showing willing to buy something (anything really) for the venue that is happy to provide a meeting place indoors, where it is warm and dry in winter months.

I would still buy a drink of something, even if it is water or pop, or a pack of crisps and give it someone else to if I didn't want as I just don't think its right to sit there and not buy anything at all

why does it have to be a struggle? just buy something to eat if there's literally nothing you want to drink (alcohol free beer? Coffee/tea/hot chocolate?) or buy a drink for someone else. As @Whaleandsnail6 said, it's the principle.

Every drink you ever have doesn't have to be a delicious sensory experience you'll remember drinking for the rest of your life - it's okay to have something that's just fine but you didn't need or really fancy. You're essentially paying few quid in exchange for being able to use the venue. If that means you leave half your pint or buy your mate or someone celebrating their 18th a beer while you sit there with a tap water, so what?

Ignore the drink and just accept you're paying for the chair, table, heating and toilet.

When I was in a meet up group, (12 of us) we used to take it in turns to host at our house (so no-one would be hosting it more than once a year.) Not that difficult to meet somewhere that wouldn't cost people money every time they go. Stupid idea to have it at a pub, and expect people to spend money every time they go.

I don't blame people for not wanting to fork out for drinks every time.

The OP has not said yet how often this group is. Weekly? Monthly? Bi-Monthly? Which is it @bagpuss90 As the OP has not been back to the thread for 3 days, I can't see her answering, but hey ho.

Many people are not 'so incredibly tight.' What an ignorant, narrow minded comment. Some people are struggling for money. How lovely for you that you're not. 🙄How nice to live in a privileged little bubble where everyone has an endless stream of money!

The CF who made a bitchy comment about your wine is not lovely. That was really rude.

And seriously - who cannot afford to buy an orange juice or a Coke once a week? They are absolute tightwads, and it’s a trait I cannot bear.

My god! You don’t sit in any establishment and not order a drink or food. What they’re wanting is free seating, which could go to someone else. You’re totally right OP. They’re taking the mickey. The comment is horrible too.

I also belong to a ladies group, the idea to make new friends, and we meet in a community cafe. It’s expected socially to “something” to eat or drink within your budget.
I also have been at a group that meet at a pub. Eventually the staff made it really uncomfortable for the group because some didn’t go to the bar or buy food.

I don’t think I would want to go around these people

Mean

being tight is an attitude, which often has no link to how much money someone is. Often the richest people in a social group are the tightest!

not being able to afford £2-3 for a coke, in itself, isn't tight. The decent thing to do is to suggest an alternative, so offering to take it in turns to host/asking if you can meet at a local library/walk and talk or whatever, fine.

Going to the pub anyway happily using their resources, and mocking people like OP who actually do what they are supposed to AND BUY A DRINK = tight.

Going to the pub isn't some universal human right that people are being sadly deprived of. Most people have some line in the sand where an activity is too expensive for them to afford. Normal/decent people accept they can't afford it - that's life. There are hobbies I can't afford to do regularly so I don't do them. I don't rock up and expect the venue to let me do it for free and my mates to subsidise me.

That's the tight part. It's about having morals, not being rich.

Love the club name

How are things now @bagpuss90 ?

Well I wouldn’t, but I’m not a scrounging ponce. Best pick better friends. 🤷‍♀️

As long as you’re happy to buy drinks and ‘carry’ them then it’s between them and the pub but is just embarrassing.
IF you say anything you could say ‘do you think we should all take turns hosting at home as I’m not sure how everyone feels about a pub ‘