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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you can’t sit in a pub all evening and not buy a single drunk

244 replies

bagpuss90 · 17/08/2025 12:58

I belong to a small ladies group. We used to meet in a bring your own drinks venue. That sadly closed and we now meet in a local pub restaurant. There’s usually around six of us and we book a table. The last couple of times three of them didn’t buy a single thing - not a soft drink , not a coffee. When I said I was going to get a glass of wine - one of them even said “well you would!””. They’re all lovely but aibu to think the venues are struggling and you just can’t do this. Also I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before the management say something (I don’t think they’ve noticed so far) to us. I think I’m going to have to broach it on the WhatsApp group

OP posts:
Original poster
bagpuss90 · 17/08/2025 12:58

Agh sorry that should read drink !!

OP posts:
YetanotherNC25 · 17/08/2025 13:01

CF’s the lot of them. That’s not ok.
I thought this was going to be a thread about sponging off people to get your drinks bought for you, which my friend is excellent at, much to many people annoyance. But not buying a drink at all is unacceptable.

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 17/08/2025 13:03

I mean they decline an offer of a drink being bought for them too

OP posts:
GRex · 17/08/2025 13:04

One person on one night, in a decent sized group - fine. Half the group every week - should wind up being told to buy something or get barred. The bitchy one sounds unpleasant, do you really all need to meet, or maybe just the 3 who want to go out can go while you have bigger gatherings as a run in the park or something else free.

FourIsNewSix · 17/08/2025 13:05

One hand side, I admire their guts, I'd feel too CF to do that. It's sad how little options are there to meet outside home without an expectation to spend money.

On the other hand it isn't the pub's fault and yes, there is a reasonable expectation of the pub that it provides space for it's paying guests

MuddyPawsIndoors · 17/08/2025 13:05

Yeah they need to find some sort of community hall or just meet round each others houses.

Straightomyhead · 17/08/2025 13:08

Very cheeky. I remember one of my old friends did this from uni and a few years after we graduated. She only drank water so just took a water bottle. I think she got away with it as it was a larger group of more than ten of us most of the time. But I always thought it was cheeky and could at least do a lime and soda!

it’s a shame a being your own venue has closed but if no one ever bought a new drink at the new place, how would it have a business?

LoveItaly · 17/08/2025 13:09

They sound either exceptionally dim or completely shameless. How do they think pubs will survive if people sit there all evening not buying anything? I really don’t understand it, how do they think staff wages, heating, insurance etc is paid. I would have to say something, and I wouldn’t care if they were offended!

PhilippaGeorgiou · 17/08/2025 13:11

For wahtever reason they don't want to buy drinks, half the group don't want to buy drinks, so it seems that the choice of venue is not the right one. On that basis you are all being unreasonable.

comeandhaveteawithme · 17/08/2025 13:11

Hmmm. It's really not OK but I do feel slightly sorry for them that it used to be a bring your own drinks venue and now it's a pub. Maybe they can't afford drinks but still want to come like before?

I think you need a venue change - perhaps take it in turns to meet at your homes?

LizzyEm · 17/08/2025 13:12

Be prepared for the embarrassment when they ask for tap water when the staff say something to them op.

Poopeepoopee · 17/08/2025 13:14

A friend of mine tried to do this once. I simply told her straight she couldn't sit there and not buy a drink.

Why didn't you just tell them?

CrumpledBlouse · 17/08/2025 13:14

FourIsNewSix · 17/08/2025 13:05

One hand side, I admire their guts, I'd feel too CF to do that. It's sad how little options are there to meet outside home without an expectation to spend money.

On the other hand it isn't the pub's fault and yes, there is a reasonable expectation of the pub that it provides space for it's paying guests

Why is it sad? It’s always possible to go for a walk or a free museum or event, but it’s not ‘sad’ that someone running a food and drinks business requires you to buy some if you’re using their space. It’s not a bus shelter.

MounjaroMounjaro · 17/08/2025 13:14

So they just sit there as though it's a free meeting place and shame you when you go to buy a drink? What the hell is up with them?

NuffSaidSam · 17/08/2025 13:15

I'd leave it to the pub to deal with tbh.

Depending on how busy they are they'd maybe rather have the group in with three of you buying drinks and three having nothing than lose the three who are buying drinks. Overall, your group contributes so it's not necessarily a problem for them.

If it is a problem then they can broach it with the non-drinkers.

I do think it's very odd though! And not a nice evening out to just sit with absolutely nothing.

SeaGreenSeaGlass · 17/08/2025 13:17

"Hi WhatsApp group,
It's a shame that (old venue) isn't available anymore for our meetings. How does everyone feel about using (pub name)? They've been welcoming so far but I think being a private business they will expect the whole group to spend money with them rather just having a few of us paying for drinks. Does anyone have any ideas for other places we could try?"

I'd also feel awkward using a private business in this way without everyone being a paying customer.
How long roughly do you spend there, and is the venue very quiet at that time?

poetryandwine · 17/08/2025 13:23

A good pub is a community gathering place, true, but it remains primarily a business.

I am embarrassed for your non-buying book club members just reading this. If 5/6 of you can’t spring for a drink every week you need to shift the meeting to non-business premisses.

SliceofTosst · 17/08/2025 13:31

Embarrassing. It's a business ffs.

Surely everybody can afford one drink a week! What would a room hire cost for the amount of time you're there? Probably a lot more.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 17/08/2025 13:35

This is a good idea.

On the other hand, if it’s a quiet slot, the cafe may not care - they can say if they do, I don’t think you need to police it - but if you do, say it in person not on WhatsApp

mindutopia · 17/08/2025 13:35

If there is a reason they can’t, okay fine. I take medication in the evening and can’t have any food or anything but water 2 hours before. So if someone wanted to meet at the pub at 8pm, I’d politely come along, but not have a drink.

Just doing it because you’re cheap or don’t want one is silly. You need to meet at a different venue if that’s going to be the case for a sizeable number in the group.

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 17/08/2025 13:36

I get they don’t want to drink alcohol - but a soft drink or a coffee I don’t get .
in terms of meeting at each mothers houses - we are all quite spread out and the pub is pretty central to all - hence why I don’t want to upset the pub

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/08/2025 13:38

I go to a knitting group that used to meet at a local cafe/restaurant, and everyone who attended used to buy something - a coffee or tea, a bacon roll etc - and some of us used to buy a light lunch there too. The venue was very quiet - we met on a Monday morning - but we still felt it was only right to buy something.

We then met at another venue who charged us £5 for the use of the venue, but gave us free tea/coffee and biscuits.

@bagpuss90 - I think someone needs to say something to the group, along the lines of “This is a bar, not a free public space, and if people aren’t buying a drink while we are here, we run the risk of being asked to leave. As we like this place, it’s only reasonable that we all buy at least a coffee/fizzy water”.

JazzyBBBG · 17/08/2025 13:39

Thing is if you switch to meeting at each others houses you can guarantee who won't be hosting...

Yellowbirdcage · 17/08/2025 13:43

I would cringe. Used to go to a pub quiz where two of the six wouldn’t buy a drink all night. Stopped me going as I felt embarrassed. The pub payed the quizmaster and the prizes too.

CloudyPoppy · 17/08/2025 13:45

I couldn't do that - sit in a pub and not even order a mineral water. Wow! Are you sure they are lovely? The comment wasn't lovely...
I would find that so embarrassing to sit with people like that it would put me off going again.

I would chose a different venue or ask the pub/restaurant if you can 'hire' your table/use of the facilitles for the evening.

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