To think you can’t sit in a pub all evening and not buy a single drunk

[bagpuss90]

I belong to a small ladies group. We used to meet in a bring your own drinks venue. That sadly closed and we now meet in a local pub restaurant. There’s usually around six of us and we book a table. The last couple of times three of them didn’t buy a single thing - not a soft drink , not a coffee. When I said I was going to get a glass of wine - one of them even said “well you would!””. They’re all lovely but aibu to think the venues are struggling and you just can’t do this. Also I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before the management say something (I don’t think they’ve noticed so far) to us. I think I’m going to have to broach it on the WhatsApp group

What time do you meet, how often and is it a cheap pub? I know some women who don’t like to drink caffeine or soft drinks after a certain time as it irritates their bladders overnight. I also know lots of people who couldn’t easily afford to buy a £4+ drink weekly which even soft drinks would be in some pubs. I know you say that they say no even if someone else offers but if you’re meeting regularly they’ll know if you buy them a drink this week it’ll be their turn to buy for both of you next week. I do agree that it is not really okay to meet in a pub and for half of the group not to buy a single drink, but depending on the nature of the group it could also be unreasonable to meet in a place which dictates the members all spend money on a drink they may not even really want.

This is the kind of thread where I'd say 50% of readers will be thinking - 'but Op, why didn't you just say something?'

'come on you lot, we'll be taking the piss if we have a nice sit down and a chat but don't buy anything!'

So many women, and British women in particular, are brought up to be more frightened of 'awkwardness' than of the thing itself. The word 'ladies' gives a hint of that I think - it's a very gendered term in its politeness 😂

I'm definitely not great at conflict myself, but I think in this case my sense of awkwardness with the pub owners would have been stronger than with the group lol.

I'd say it's reasonable-ish for a couple of people to only drink tap water if the others are buying booze or soft drinks.

Though personally I'd probably order at least one thing. Even if it's just a soda water.

As long as the bar hasn't expressed displeasure about it, they can clearly see they would rather keep your custom than refuse people to just sit there among others who are drinking.

That’s only because they don’t want to have to buy one back

Are these ladies retired and living off pensions?

I'd be so embarrassed, definitely raise it that at least 1 drink is bought or find a different venue.

Yeah this is so cheeky! I don’t drink very often and try to stick to water most of the time but if I’m going out and want to drink water I’ll buy a bottle from the pub (even though I prefer tap!) because it’s so rude to go in without buying anything!

What free alternatives have there ever been? A free place to have a meeting with access to water and toilet?
Church halls and village halls and community centres you have always had to book and hire by the evening or by the hour.

If it is a large group, the rent-per-person would likely be less than buying drinks in a pub, but for a small group the opposite is true - the pub is cheaper.

Correct me if I'm wrong (genuinely) but your posts read as though you are the decision maker.
Did the others get consulted about the new venue? Is the group itself free or is there a charge?
Maybe they just can't afford a drink too?
If they weren't consulted on the decision to use the pub, it does seem a little unfair to expect them to pay for drinks too, although of course not the fault of the pub.
Maybe ask them if the venue is working for them?

Not everyone has a good sized home for themselves when they can host people easily without inconveniencing their family/house mates. They are from different locations, if some of them is using public transport it could easily be that the local town is the only place where they can all get reasonably.

It's not about "beneath them", it is about being able to live in a society without the necessity to pay extra for basic existence.
Once again, it doesn't work with this pub. I'm just pointing out that it is sad, that the other options are so limited. God forbid someone would need to use a toilet outside of they home - pay for a pint or "pay" at least by your embarrassment.

Do you think they are waiting for you to offer to buy a round? I would feel so awkward drinking if others were sat there not drinking. In fact I would prob ask if they weren't planning on staying long as i noticed they hadn't bought anything.

I've worked in hospitality and I'm fairly certain the staff have noticed, they just haven't said anything yet. Your friends should definitely buy a soft drink each, it's only 3-4 quid.

You can't paint some people red. What an embarrassment!

Are they upset about the new venue and refusing drinks to make a point?

Is it advertised group? If so you could change the description to include the exception that everyone attending purchases a drink. I go to group which has that included as part of the sign up. Might not fix the immediate problem but at least new members won’t think it’s ok and follow suit.

Are you meeting at a busy time for the pub? If so I think you probably need to address it as the pub might notice and just ‘not have room’ for your booking in future without saying why. If not they probably don’t mind as three drinks bought is better than an empty table.

Perhaps you'd be better off suggesting you take turns hosting instead if they don't want to pay pub prices for a drink.

I do understand people may not have budgeted for these things, especially when you feel obligated to then buy others drinks when you've been bought a drink. And even a soda at pubs costs a few pounds which is frankly ridiculous.

Do you mean you're walking in, taking up a table and using the pub's heating and toilets but not paying a penny for the convenience?
Really?

…and then they’ll all say how sad it is when the pub closes down. I know people who moan and complain because our local high street is full of charity shops and empty premises. We had a lovely, smart, three floor Debenhams that is now boarded up. Next and Holland and Barrett have also gone. But the people who moan do all their shopping online. They used to like to wander round those places, but they never bought anything. What did they expect? If you think a cafe or shop is really beautiful and you like having it in your neighbourhood, you’ve got to support it.

Of course it’s rude.
What would happen if every single one of you sat there without buying anything?
Surely then a member of staff would approach you and ask what you wanted to drink, if you all said we don’t want to buy anything, then they would tell you to leave.
Out of interest, do you walk through the bar and go and sit outside? Or do you all sit inside?
Just wondering how they get away with it.

Pub restaurants are businesses that surive by selling food and drink, not to have tables used by non customers. I am afraid you need to find a different venue

No one in the group is skint. Not wealthy - but not skint. I asked if anyone wanted a drink and the answer was no

This isn’t great. Who do they think is paying the overheads? There’s a pub in Belfast refuses to sell half pints or soft drinks. Obviously this is awful and extreme but surely your group understand it’s a business? I’d be embarrassed to be with them.

Usually venues don't say anything if someone in the group buys something. Especially if they are not busy. We have a monthly meeting in a pub and I'd say 50% of the group doesn't buy anything. I always buy something, but I guess some business is better than none when it is not a busy day.

Nothing wrong with not drinking when you're out, but you'd at least think they'd order a squash or a coke or something. Even a glass of water! Not just sit there with nothing. 😕

What is wrong with them. They are rude ignorant mean cfs. That's what. Can't stand these sort of folk.