Evening only wedding invite

[lucylondon7878]

A friend of 20+ years is having her wedding:

• we were very close at school, over the years drifted a little but still maintain regular contact and meet regularly, know her parents etc
• I was a little surprised to only be invited to the evening part of her wedding
• more so given others, but not all, within that friendship group (who I'd say have the same level of contact) have been invited to the entire day
• made more awkward by the fact I now live around 2000 miles away
• the wedding is taking place on her land so it's not like "numbers" are really an issue, nor is budget

It makes me question whether to bother with this friendship as it seems a message is being sent, and my inclination is to just abandon it

I wouldn't travel 2000 miles for a wedding for anyone except a child or sibling. Just politely decline, but don't let it impact your friendship.

Not a chance I'd travel 2000 miles for an evening only invite and it's ridiculous of her to not have considered that. But I also wouldn't travel that far for a full day invite unless it was someone I was very close to.

I wouldn't be bothered by getting an evening only invite, it means you miss the boring bits. Having said that, I wouldn't travel that far for a wedding anyway so I also wouldn't be bothered about declining in that circumstance either.

When was the last time you actually saw this person OP?

If you are good friends, just say it will be sad coming all this way and not actually see her get married, or just be blunt and ask why hasn’t she invited you to the actual ceremony. You’ve got nothing to lose if you are consider ditching your friendship.

I wouldn’t give up on a friendship based on this. People have their reasons for inviting who they invite to their day. Which is ultimately their choice.
i would politely decline.

I think she just wanted to be inclusive and that she's not expecting you to come. Send a nice card and tell her you won't be able to make it.

How often are your regular meet ups and contacts?

This.

If she really considered you a close friend she'd have invited you to the whole thing.

I don't think she is expecting you to accept.

2000 miles yet you regularly meet up 🤔
I wouldn't travel that far for a whole day do, let alone an evening. I wouldn't let it spoil what friendship you have though.

every 8 weeks or so I'd say, I make an explicit effort to meet when I return to the UK

this had crossed my mind, but I have lived away for many years and made a point of saying early on (before invites went out) that I would be able to come

You live 2000 miles away
and see one another every 8 weeks
what do you do when you get together? You go out of your way to meet her?

Who instigates and arranges these meetings ups?

my job requires me to travel to the UK, go for drinks/dinner standard things like that

and yes I do go out of my way, I could just stay in London but I make the effort to travel 1.5hrs on the train to see her, and 1.5hrs back

Wow! You travel 4000 miles (round trip) every 8 weeks? And also you make sure that you see her each time? That's dedication. I think, under these circumstances, it's a slap in the face not to be invited to the whole day. I wouldn't go to the evening do and I'd phase out the friendship, in a non showy way.

the travel in itself is not an issue as my company pays for business class

but yes, and there is 0 effort on her part to come into London (which stupidly had not crossed my mind before) and makes me question this even more

Good grief op

by the sounds of it, you should be surprised you even got an evening invite.

Is she… your only friend?

or do you go to this effort in exchange for very little for all your friends?

I wouldn’t be doing a 4,000 mile round trip to go to someone’s evening reception, no.

You seem to see the journey more like jumping on a bus though, given your work schedule. So ‘your mileage may vary’.

far from my only friend, however there's something a little nostalgic about trying to keep school friendships alive, but maybe that's wishful thinking as time goes on

You have been doing this journey every 8 weeks for many years
She’s been making very little effort in these meet ups for years

and only now you get an evening invite are you considering asserting yourself? Weird

I’d decline the invitation. You’d still have the expense of present, travel, hotel, new outfit, drinks etc but not see the wedding.

just rspv your unfortunately unable to now attend

Flipping heck op
then you should really get some self respect and dial back this friendship
I don’t think you’ll get much of a reaction though

it has taken this event for the "penny to drop"

Can’t believe she’s never been arsed to put herself out even a fraction to see you after you’ve travelled such a distance.

That makes the friendship sound very one-sided. I’d be rethinking it.