Evening only wedding invite

[lucylondon7878]

A friend of 20+ years is having her wedding:

• we were very close at school, over the years drifted a little but still maintain regular contact and meet regularly, know her parents etc
• I was a little surprised to only be invited to the evening part of her wedding
• more so given others, but not all, within that friendship group (who I'd say have the same level of contact) have been invited to the entire day
• made more awkward by the fact I now live around 2000 miles away
• the wedding is taking place on her land so it's not like "numbers" are really an issue, nor is budget

It makes me question whether to bother with this friendship as it seems a message is being sent, and my inclination is to just abandon it

It's not "lucky" to only be invited to the evening do, why on earth would she be pleased, when it's clear that the whole point of the thread is that she's the very opposite of pleased!

OP, could you say “thanks for the invite but it’s a long way to travel just for an evening reception.” Which is true, but also kind of tells her without telling her that you’re slightly aggrieved not to be invited to the whole thing. You are not being unreasonable at all.

About 4.5-5 hours. It’s like from here to Turkey or Cyprus.

If you see her that often then you would be able to directly ask her why you're only invited to the evening do, wouldn't you?

If others have been invited to the whole day I would reach out to check it's not a mistake. Happened to my friend once and the bride was absolutely mortified and so apologetic. You could say something like "thanks for the invite, with the usual travelling etc I'm trying to plan ahead and wondered if any of the others in our little friendship group will be joining for the evening part, so maybe I could share a hotel room/taxis etc..." if it's a terrible mistake that should resolve things. If she says "no, everyone else is invited to the whole day" then there's your answer... And I'd politely decline.

Bride brain / bridezilla is real and you need to figure out which! Years ago, I was once the only one from a friendship group excluded from getting either a day OR evening invite to a close friend (so I thought) of 20 years. I was very hurt and a mutual friend reached out to the bride who tried to pretend the invite got lost in the post. She never sent me a replacement! To this day I've still no idea what happened!

A friend of mine became increasingly demanding about her wedding .. first it was the European hen night which I went on, then I offered to pay for her wedding dress as she was hard up and that became a bit of a drama, then there was a contribution to the wedding song and it went on..

A week before the wedding my accommodation cancelled on me.. and because of all the hassle my husband didn't want to go any more.. at the end of the day it was a relief not to go tbh. The friendship cooled though she still sends Xmas cards etc. But I'm glad I saved myself the 4hrs each way journey and the evening with people I didn't know..

No way would I travel 200 miles for an evening only invite! I am single as well which makes this even more unlikely - at least over the course of a whole day at a wedding you have a chance to get to know people. I'd decline and send a lovely card and perhaps some flowers.

Don’t go all that way for an evening party if she thought of you as a close friend she would have invited you all day especially with you having to travel so much. I would suggest you decline saying it’s too much to travel for the evening party you wish her all the best and have a fantastic day and see if she reaches out after her wedding.

Haven’t read full thread yet, but does OP mean 200 miles, not 2000?

No I think she means 2,000 as she lives overseas

Thanks. I have skimmed the thread now. At first I thought maybe a typo because she referred to seeing her friend every few weeks. Wow! All that travel.

If there is an Evening Only invite, it sounds like each part of the wedding invite is a separate insert. Is it possible your envelope simply failed to contain the actual wedding day invite, by mistake?

I agree with this
She knows how far away you are and still only invites you to the evening do

When you’re the one making all the effort I’m not convinced she’s such a great friend

Decline the invite staring it’s a long way to come just for the evening. Then next time you’re over see if she takes up your suggestion to come to London for a few hours