Evening only wedding invite

[lucylondon7878]

A friend of 20+ years is having her wedding:

• we were very close at school, over the years drifted a little but still maintain regular contact and meet regularly, know her parents etc
• I was a little surprised to only be invited to the evening part of her wedding
• more so given others, but not all, within that friendship group (who I'd say have the same level of contact) have been invited to the entire day
• made more awkward by the fact I now live around 2000 miles away
• the wedding is taking place on her land so it's not like "numbers" are really an issue, nor is budget

It makes me question whether to bother with this friendship as it seems a message is being sent, and my inclination is to just abandon it

Yes, I agree with this. Just send a card with regrets.

I think this is true, you seem to have invested a lot into the friendship, and have definitely gone above and beyond.
Perhaps it's time to pull back from this. She doesn't want you at her wedding, even though you've indicated that you'd like to go.

How long is a 2000 mile flight out of interest?

I'm really sorry to hear about this OP. It is so disappointing when people's behaviour makes you realise that they don't value your friendship as highly as you do.
For what it's worth, I would decline the evening only invite but not drop the friendship. Going forward, I would meet up when I wanted to, rather than putting myself out to travel to her every 8 weeks. I would just massively scale back the effort.

I agree with everyone saying graciously decline @lucylondon7878.
Plan to do something nice instead on that day.
There are so many others who will appreciate your friendship …. and great things to do in London instead when you next visit xx

I would think about 4 hrs.

Wow that’s awful. She clearly doesn’t value you as a friend @lucylondon7878 - which is a shame as it sounds as though you make a lot of effort to keep in touch. I don’t even see close friends who live 3 miles away consistently every 8 weeks!!

So you speak regularly in between visits? WhatsApp groups etc?

RSVP now without thinking any more about it.

And make less effort to see her - this will give you an indication on whether the friendship will survive this. If she wants to see you, she will reach out to you and make an effort. If she doesn’t, it tells you everything you need to know.

Honestly, you sound like a great friend, her, not so much. Decline the invitation and match her energy regarding your friendship.

I would just refuse the invitation. Let her work out why. I certainly wouldn’t lose any sleep over worrying if you have offended her. The friendship sounds a bit one sided.

I don't think you are very representative of everyone as many people do enjoy social events

Hi Friend
Thank you for your invitation but, as you know, it would be a long way for me to travel for an evening do. I am sorry I won’t be able to join you on your special day and hope you have an amazing time.

It would be good to see you next time I’m in London if you feel like travelling down at all? We could meet for a few drinks or some dinner perhaps - I’d love to hear about your wedding day if you fancy an evening in the city?

Love, Lucy x

Your friend is not a cultured, sophisticated person with savoir faire - she is a pumpkin from the sticks who knows no better

No "cultured, sophisticated person with savour faire" would be so openly crass as to come out with this. You sound very ignorant.

Evening invites are people who make up the numbers. Don't go.

Yes, no sycophantic lengthy explanation. Just decline.

I did laugh at "pumpkin" though! Probably just a typo, but a funny one!

The fact that she obviously doesn’t regard the OP as a close friend doesn’t mean she’s awful or selfish.

Bizarre behaviour from your ‘friend’ - I would be hurt too. You have obviously done all the running in this relationship, it’s time to stop.
You can’t be expected travel 2000 miles for an evening do - ridiculous and hurtful.
I would decline the invite with no explanation at all - brief and to the point. I wouldn’t send a card or present either.
The penny has dropped and you need to let this friendship go - just don’t get nostalgic about it all.
I’ve let a couple of very long friendships go recently as they weren’t working - I’d kept them going for nostalgic reasons only.

This, don't tie yourself up knots thinking she doesn't "like you enough ".

If the timings work and you are in the country at the time of the wedding then you could still go. Then after that decide if you’re are happy with the friendship being one sided effort wise.

Well......someone the bride sees every 8 weeks and who she has known since school, would for me, be a friend who would be invited to the actual wedding.

All the remainder of the friendship group have been invited to the actual wedding

So .....perhaps the bride is not awful and selfish but simply a two faced bitch?

It’s really sad - and hurtful - to discover you have valued a friendship more than the other party but have been here recently myself. I would, personally, decline and probably stop the return trips to see her and refocus on other friends the next time you are in the UK, ones who match your energy and commitment.

I have to say, you sound like a lovely, loyal friend. One I’d love to have in my circle. This is a Her thing, not a You one.

Could it possibly just be an oversight? 🤔
Ask her did she mean to just invite you to the evening... At least then you'll know, and can take informed action rather than just guessing 🤔

Wow - that’s some commitment on your part. My absolute bff lives a few hundred miles apart and I only see her a few times a year. Normally I’d say decline for such a distance but your circumstances are unique. If other friends have been invited for the whole thing I am not surprised you are hurt.

Why do people get so offended by evening invites? Just don’t bloody go. It’s not that deep.

MN is seriously bonkers. They’re obsessed with getting the hump for ‘just’ and evening invite. Like you’re so put out that it’s ‘only’ the evening do 🤣 MN are never just happy with an invite and make sure a fuss around weddings and feel so hard done by if it’s just the evening 🥴🙄
in the real world no one takes things so personally! It’s actually insane.
MN read way too much into this.
get a grip