Am I out of touch, old fashioned or are people these days just super sensitive

[Ruggerlass]

I’ve got my hard hat ready. I’ve been on here a few months now and some of the things I read make me think it’s no surprise the divorce rate is so high. It seems like people in relationships don’t want to compromise and talk through any difficulties they may have and men are the public enemy number 1. Don’t get me wrong no one should stay in an abusive relationship etc of any kind. For the record I’ve been married 38 years, We’ve had our ups and downs but have worked through them which seems to be lacking these days.,

Can you give some examples of what you think you would talk through but other people on here are dramatic about?

I think the opposite actually, that I must be very old fashioned because I absolutely would not tolerate a lot of what I read about other women tolerating on here.

YABU for a lack of context.

What type of situations do you think people are reacting “super sensitive” to?

I’ve been married a long time.

i’m appalled at someone of the things some of the women on this site have to live with from men who are meant to love them.

If they were my daughters I’d pack their cases myself.

The reason that my Grandmother’s generation didn’t get divorced is mostly because they would be left destitute.

If women these days are better able to leave nasty, cruel and abusive men then I think it’s excellent progress.

I’m not sure why you don’t.

Oh dear you have opened a can of worms I think you need to add a sand bag to go with you hard hat 😂

I have to agree with you, no one should stay in abusive relationship, I left my first husband because he was physically and verbally abusive. I’ve been married to DH 2 for 30 years, it’s been hard work, we’ve had tears, we’ve shouted and screamed but we love each other. Tbh we’re going through a rough batch at the moment, a lot of young girls will say ltb but we love each other just sometimes we don’t like each other all the time.

i blame instagram etc people have unrealistic ideas of life, it’s very sad

I agree with you OP. Clearly no-one should be expected to stay in a relationship where there is any form of abuse or infidelity, but I don’t think a lot of people generally take their marriages very seriously. We made vows when we got married that we would stay with each other for the rest of our lives and committed to supporting each other through good and bad times, and that’s what we’ve done for the 45 years we’ve been married. I would have walked out immediately if my husband had ever been abusive or unfaithful in any way, which would have been him breaking our vows, but other than that, we’ve always seen our marriage as a partnership and worked to make it as happy and successful as possible

I think that MN is a place that women feel safe to come to for advice when their relationship is struggling. I think it's very good that there is a safe place for that.

I think there are probably huge numbers of women in happy healthy relationships, but they just don't come here because they don't need it.

I do worry about boys though because there is so much talk about men being bad or abusive. It's hard for boys to find a good postiive role model.

I think the world forgets that there are good men, and we forget to celebrate that. I think it should be celebrated.

This is just a internet discussion forum

posters say things with little thought or care, and vaguely know one version and one snapshot of the situation. 99% of the time their thoughts and advice is completely useless.

they aren’t giving any thought to a complex relationship, difficult to split and the impact on all family members. Why would they? They’re not that invested.

Most commonly they say the simplest thing that takes the least thought- LTB.

it’s not as serious as you’re taking it to be. It has no impact on real life.

I am too and as I said no one should put up with an abusive relationship and of of course they should leave and I too wouldn’t put up with some of the behaviour.

It's the opposite for me. Low standards, excusing poor behaviour etc are all much more prevalent from what I see on here.

As a mother of two sons I sgree.

My main worry is that so many people seem unable to talk through problems with people in real life. I think that is a really important skill. I worry when I see people privately resolving to go NC with friends or family on the basis of a MN discussion, without actually talking to the people in real life first.

SAHM mums expecting their partners/ husbands to do night feeds etc
Partners having friendships with females
Partners/ husbands working away, having hobbies or going away with friends.

Even that still lacks context really. I think we also need to remember that if they are posting on here, they have likely already tried just talking and the OP is usually at the end of their tether.

On almost every thread I've seen the SAHM isn't getting any support at all and is just asking for some support with night feeds or they are constantly talking about the female friend/have previously hidden messages which raises suspicions and hobbies/going away with friends is almost always because she is left holding the babies with no support and no time for her to have her own hobbies.

Exactly. I suppose I’m fortunate in that I have one of the good ones,
When my sons were 3&4 they both had chickenpox and I remember phoning my husband (who worked all the hours god sent to support us) asking him to come home as I needed him. His response was “he’ll be home when he’s finished what he needs to do. This was pre mobile phones so phoned the office. That was the final straw. I gave him an ultimatum, either he put his job first or us. He didn’t realise the impact the impact his working hours was having. It took a few months but he found another job and saved the marriage

Same here.

This with knobs on. There’s also a clear divide on many threads detailing quite serious abuse, where a lot of posters have so little comprehension of what’s actually going on that they wander in and drop nuggets of laughably ridiculous ‘advice’ that simply demonstrates how little similarity the OP’s life and relationship bears to their own.

The solipsism of so many is astonishing - ‘I’ve never experienced anything comparable to this situation in my own marriage, ergo it’s exaggerated/made up, or else the OP is being over-sensitive/flaky/spoilt/not trying hard enough’, particularly when it comes to coercive control. If you know, you know. If you don’t, it’s incredibly easy to misinterpret, minimise and dismiss.

I’ve followed many threads where the OP posts about something minor and gradually realises it’s the tip of the iceberg, thanks to the observations of wise, kind and angry women here. And then the scales start to drop, and often the advice and support enables people to make genuinely positive, life-changing decisions.

There’s always balance. I’ve never seen an overall consensus in favour of someone walking away from a fundamentally sound or healthy relationship due to a rocky patch or difficult life stage. It’d be easy to cruise superficially through a few threads and possibly make that assumption though.

i was a STAHM with two children a year apart. I’d no family support and I suppose left holding the babies so to speak. We moved 3 hours away from family and my husband often worked overseas too. I’ll be honest sometimes it felt like I was a single parent without the financial constraints. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying dad’s shouldn’t help out as my DH did but the bulk of the childcare did fall on me which I didn’t have an issue with.

I was a SAHM. Our babies woke up a lot in the night. Damn right I expected my partner to do some of them. As a good partner, there is no way he’d have let me get virtually no sleep while he snoozed for 8 hours. Raise the bar.

Friendships with the opposite sex, depends on the circumstances. They can be fine, they can be inappropriate.

Working away. My partner stopped most working away when our kids were little because he wanted to be here. I’d have been fin3 with it occasionally.

Hobbies and going away with friends, all fine within reason. My friends partner thought he could do his hobby 3 nights a week and on Saturday and Sunday, lol, no chance would I stand for that, but good partners wouldn’t want to do that anyway.

On mumsnet, I generally think women put up with way too much shit.

Which is fine if you're happy about that within your marriage. I wouldn't be, not with the working away or doing all nights alone.

I don't understand this example at all - it sounds like you were (rightly, I think) quite bothered indeed that he wasn't supporting with parenting, and threatened to end the relationship over it. But if other people see this as a big deal they are being oversensitive and not showing commitment to the marriage?

Lol. Old fashioned people and moral people are hated bitterly on m n

Agree. We've been through all sorts with mine. Until death did him part ...looking back it was me also, being precious and over reacting. I never has him hiding money, affairs or etc ...never abused. But we had fights so

Having just seen a thread deleted because of an expression probably made in all innocence. I'd say it's a mixed bag on here.

for me the debate i had was that they had paid ni and tax etc over the years and now they have retired they think they can use or should use what ever nhs service they need even though what the services cost now to what they paid then etc does not even cover it.

😂 quite agree
It's easy to tell someone to divorce. It's not you divorcing and putting emoji of flowers ....