Am I out of touch, old fashioned or are people these days just super sensitive

[Ruggerlass]

I’ve got my hard hat ready. I’ve been on here a few months now and some of the things I read make me think it’s no surprise the divorce rate is so high. It seems like people in relationships don’t want to compromise and talk through any difficulties they may have and men are the public enemy number 1. Don’t get me wrong no one should stay in an abusive relationship etc of any kind. For the record I’ve been married 38 years, We’ve had our ups and downs but have worked through them which seems to be lacking these days.,

You're not being berated for the choices you made in your own marriage, you're being berated for being smug that these choices worked out for you and that you seem to think you specifically did everything 'correct' in order for your marriage to work. You're extremely narrow-minded.

You think that you shouldn't leave a person being physically abusive to your children?
I'm around your age, I see a lot of generational trauma thanks to attitudes like yours and @Aweekoffwork . Pre 1980's it was difficult to end a marriage, thankfully now that's change and we'll see less MH issues because of abusive parenting and colluding in that abuse. Gone should be the days of the house having to evolve around the man's moods and wants.

Lots of women think they're on the same page as their partner, and then it turns out they're not - how many threads have you read on here from women who say their partner had a personality change overnight (after they had kids, after they had an affair), or who say they'd have always said that their husband would never, ever cheat, or lie, or gamble secretly - and then they've found out they have?

I absolutely don’t condone abuse in any shape or form even more so to children, but I do think people can change if they have the right support mechanisms in place. Providing they want to of course. Would I have left my husband in those circumstances most likely but probably wouldn’t have given up entirely on the marriage providing they sought help

I stayed in my marriage and he changed. Jealous folk accused me of low bar, for having fought to keep the assets he built while I supported him. Lol. What a thread. More like one in which you're wrong wether you stay or go

Yes damned if you do and damned if you don’t and you’re the devil incarnate if you
opt to stay and accused of being sexist just because you don’t succumb to the lbt rhetoric

It's become far too normal to not remain with your child's other parent. It's really damaging so many children.

So is a couple that stays together when they should definitely split. That is just as damaging if not worse because you have many children living in such a toxic environment and believing that it is normal and go on to repeat it when they become adults.

Yeah, it wasn't quite like that and you know it.

You got stick for your view that people duck out of marriage too easily these days with no real proof to back it up.

And then your oddly smug post about giving your DH an ultimatum of divorce which worked and apparently would never have not worked because you knew him so well.

All a bit odd tbh.

Which makes the idea of an ultimatum ridiculous really. Why not… just have a conversation about it?

You’re the only one damning women people for leaving.

I think it's just we have freedom to get out of relationships that don't being us joy. Dad's are now seen to be more involved with their children then their fathers. Seems an improvement to me

Why do you think exhausted mums who WORK in the home should have to deal with sleep deprivation but the partner going out to paid work shouldn't?

They're both parents and they're both working. But one just grew a human and birthed it which is pretty fucking traumatic.

It sounds to me like you have a low bar and a nasty case of internalised misogyny.

Ha of course we had a conversation….how else do you think we reached the resolution…

I’m awestruck by the number of people who think their individual experience is somehow cast iron proof of a wider trend.

and your example isn’t the fairy story you think it is.

I’m pretty shocked you’d stay with someone who physically abused your children.

I think the fact of ‘too much to lose’ ( house, money, lifestyle) has allowed you to overlook that he’s still a bit of a cunt.

It's totally on brand for you to congratulate someone that stayed with their husband, even though he was physically abusive to their children.

When children are being hurt, the 'too much to lose' argument should never be commended.

I know people in real life who have walked away from good marriages because, fundamentally, they were bored and got attracted by something shiny. I see that on here sometimes too. Sometimes marriage is dull, life is dull….its not all romantic and ace.

and yes the threads on here where women are putting up with appalling behaviour….I’m shocked by it.

My parents have been married 55 years they've never once had to give each other an ultimatum or threaten divorce to get what they wanted or things to change.

If you've had to do that then your marriage is far from perfect and nothing to be smug about.

I think there’s a lot of women trapped in unhappy/abusive relationships because they don’t have the means to leave.

But those that do leave unhappy relationships or jobs that make them miserable why shouldnt they? We get one life with the length unknown, why shouldnt people aim higher?

If you actually read my follow up comment I’ve said I don’t condone abuse in any shape or form even more so against children and of
course no one should stay in such a relationship. I’ve worked with people who have been perpetrators and they can change (providing they want to) and have seen what they did was was wrong and never done such things again.

I’ve never said my marriage is perfect as I believe no marriage is. All marriages have their ups and downs.

I’ve never said my marriage is perfect as I believe no marriage is. All marriages have their ups and downs.

I will re phase. People have children too easily in a relationship, without properly knowing a person and thinking it is likely to last forever.

Good by whose definition?

Clearly not theirs as they would not have left.

I’m reading these posts and it’s clear that women today think they can have it all.

the highest divorce rates amongst couples is lesbian couples. The lowest is gag couples. Women also initiate most divorces.

lets be clear - there is only one conclusion any logical person who is not a misandrist can draw from these figures.

women are more intolerant of things within relationships than men. That is clear. Every other explanation is just women trying to absolve blame from themselves.

I see many women today have a huge list of things they expect in a man but actually offer very little what the man wants in return.

The dating scene is so woman centric now that’s all we hear about is what ‘women want and need’.

men’s needs seem irrelevant. No wonder gay male marriages have the lowest divorce rates.

Really? Let me guess, you're a man, right?

Have you read many of the dating threads on here? They don't portray a "woman centric" scene that's for sure!

Women are hopefully starting to hold men to account and expecting more in their relationships & marriages and that's a good thing.
It's not universal though as this thread & many others on here show time & again - lots of women accepting and almost expecting poor treatment from men.