Is this the new CF normal?

[arcticpandas]

When I married DH we didn't have a "registar" or anything like that. We said your presence is your gift to us and meant it. Some still gave objects or money in cards. We were ofcourse greatful and thanked them.
As for when our sons were born we got gifts for them from family and friends; all from clothing to toys etc. Mil offered us the stroller that we got to pick out. An aunt and an uncle sent us money. Friends and family sent toys/books/clothing. We thanked everyone and sent out thank you cards.

Now the "new generation" (in their thirties) of family members and friends marrying and having children seem to be really CF (or we're extremely unlucky). Three weddings recently (2 family not close and 1 friends children). All of them asked for money. Ok, fine. Then we get e-mails about where to transfer money. Ok. Then follow up email saying for those who can't transfer there will be a box on the wedding where we can put card with money. It also states we can do both ofcourse (!). We gave 300 £ to family and 200 £ to friends children- never received a personal thank you, just a generic thank you e-mail that went out to all on the list. This for all 3 weddings.

Now two family members have given birth. I was looking forward to find nice gifts that would also be useful. Well, that was until I received e-mails from both couples (they used the wedding group mail) where they stated that monetary gifts for the baby can be transferred on x account and for those wanting to buy physical gifts they have a registar in two different shops. One with extremely pricey clothing (the least expensive gift they had chosen was 65£) and one with wooden toys and furniture (also extremely expensive but there were some things around 50-70£).

I just don't want to get any of them anything. It's on my DH side so I will let him deal with it. I just can't get over their greediness and entitlement. Some of their family members are wealthy but some not at all but they will still buy something and then maybe eat pasta for the rest of the month. I don't remember anyone doing this 15-20 years ago. We surely didn't. I wouldn't dream of doing it because it just feels like CFuckery.

AIBU?
YES- At 45 you're old and do not understand that this is how it's done now.
NO- It's wrong to pressure family and friends into giving things they might not afford.

You might be a few decades out! There may be some baby boomers on this thread. I’m the same age as OP and I come from the time when people thanked people and houses were unreachably expensive!!

I crochet cardis for my Dgc and they are worn

On a philosophical note, this thread has set me thinking. The more we have, the less grateful we become, it seems. Being older and having a long experience of these things, I think we are in danger of becoming horribly entitled.

I remember being told bossily on another thread that you shouldn’t feel grateful - we are entitled to things, and being grateful is demeaning and suggests we don’t deserve them. OK.

When my children were young and we were caught up in the nightmare that is birthday parties, I found that it was almost impossible to “treat” children nowadays. Whatever trouble and expense the hosts had gone to, you’d hear spoilt cries of “Oh that’s BORING! I’ve done that x times before”. I remember the sheer excitement of my childhood when a cinema visit, an entertainer(wow) or just going to someone’s hour for games and tea was amazing…there’d be jelly and ice cream!

Any present someone buys for you is a privilege and deserves gratitude and personal thanks. Giving is a 2-way street and not just a matter of getting someone to pay for your wants - and not even caring who.

But my friends keep these values even today, so I guess it depends what company you keep. Anyone with zero manners and entitlement the size of a country would not get invited again!

I am very careful, whenever I knit or crochet something for someone's new baby or child that I use washable yarn - it is madness to give a new parent something that needs handwashing/delicates wash, as soon as the baby inevitably throws up on it!

Under these circumstances, I would just send a baby congratulations card.
It sounds as though the parents will get plenty anyway.
It might even make them think.

Brilliant 🙌🤣

Nobody found it easy to buy in previous generations either unless they were wealthy. Has nobody heard of inflation. 30k may sound like nothing now but noone I knew had that kind of money lying around in the 70’s/80’s plus not many places you could buy anything for 30k in the 80’s.

I agree OP it’s cheesy and in poor taste.

Crikey, that's just awful. I feel sad and sorry @Thehappygardener

Yes!

Even if they have no genuine gratitude, affection or empathy for the gift givers, don’t these people who fail to thank them, or who send a lazy, generic thank you realise how cheap and tacky they seem?

Or perhaps once they’ve got the dosh, they don’t care?

Nice.

Totally with you. My three children have all married in the last ten years and did "proper" wedding present lists with things from £5 on. All the other weddings we have been to seem to ask for money and I hate it. Nephew just had a 25th birthday party and sent out invitations with bank account details asking for donations for his travelling fund!
Babies - just buy clothing; babies need it. My children have been grateful for everything they received. We bought ours prams/car seats (they selected) but they were grateful for clothing and toys from other people.