Is this the new CF normal?

[arcticpandas]

When I married DH we didn't have a "registar" or anything like that. We said your presence is your gift to us and meant it. Some still gave objects or money in cards. We were ofcourse greatful and thanked them.
As for when our sons were born we got gifts for them from family and friends; all from clothing to toys etc. Mil offered us the stroller that we got to pick out. An aunt and an uncle sent us money. Friends and family sent toys/books/clothing. We thanked everyone and sent out thank you cards.

Now the "new generation" (in their thirties) of family members and friends marrying and having children seem to be really CF (or we're extremely unlucky). Three weddings recently (2 family not close and 1 friends children). All of them asked for money. Ok, fine. Then we get e-mails about where to transfer money. Ok. Then follow up email saying for those who can't transfer there will be a box on the wedding where we can put card with money. It also states we can do both ofcourse (!). We gave 300 £ to family and 200 £ to friends children- never received a personal thank you, just a generic thank you e-mail that went out to all on the list. This for all 3 weddings.

Now two family members have given birth. I was looking forward to find nice gifts that would also be useful. Well, that was until I received e-mails from both couples (they used the wedding group mail) where they stated that monetary gifts for the baby can be transferred on x account and for those wanting to buy physical gifts they have a registar in two different shops. One with extremely pricey clothing (the least expensive gift they had chosen was 65£) and one with wooden toys and furniture (also extremely expensive but there were some things around 50-70£).

I just don't want to get any of them anything. It's on my DH side so I will let him deal with it. I just can't get over their greediness and entitlement. Some of their family members are wealthy but some not at all but they will still buy something and then maybe eat pasta for the rest of the month. I don't remember anyone doing this 15-20 years ago. We surely didn't. I wouldn't dream of doing it because it just feels like CFuckery.

AIBU?
YES- At 45 you're old and do not understand that this is how it's done now.
NO- It's wrong to pressure family and friends into giving things they might not afford.

Couldn’t work out how the marriage was legal without a registrar. Took most of the post to work out you meant register. Most people are now grabby and self-centred.

My " children" are all at that wedding, baby stage and have all sent out handwritten thank you cards.
No lists at all for the babies.
Most of their friends have done the same.
There are some younger people left who have manners.

Absolutely! Went to NDN's wedding reception a couple of years ago and they requested money towards their honeymoon. I was happy to oblige, but I know they wouldn't have minded if we hadn't given them any money.

DD has lots of friends who have had babies this year, and they all seem to be delighted with the garments I have knitted. In fact, I have had requests for some more! Knitting stops me from snacking in the evening!

I've never been married and never asked for any gifts for my now 2 year old DD. My family were pretty generous but I never thought of asking for anything. It's just tacky imo .

Incredibly rude and entitled.

Very, very important to say thank you properly.

I recently gave my only niece a lot of money (£1000’s +++) towards her first flat and neither she nor her parents thanked me. She won’t be getting much as a wedding present!

Get them an in ear thermometer, the most useful thing they don’t know they need. Job done.

Get them an in ear thermometer, the most useful thing they don’t know they need. Job done.

That’s fair enough but it’s still a lot but obviously up to you!
I think my problem would be if the people were ungrateful, which I think they were when a personal thank you wasn’t given.

That’s lovely of you. Lucky girls.

Yeah, we’ve done thank you cards from our two since they had their new baby gifts. We buy some cheap photo ones online every year after their birthday - not that that’s necessary of course. I’d be a bit disappointed to say the least if my DC grew up to not take some time to say thank you properly for a gift.

Totally agree with you. (Aww thanks, they are lovely humans and they definitely deserve it!)

If they couldn't be arsed to write or email a personal thank you for your £££ wedding gift, they'd be getting fuck all from me.
I took smart stationery on my honeymoon with me, and wrote at least 2 thank you letters every day and posted them all the day after we got back.

We have no children but were quite generous (we think so anyway) to our nieces. We paid for the honeymoon for niece 1, as well as making the wedding cake with lots of hand made sugar flowers. Private thanks and acknowledgement at wedding. All good. Second niece didn't look like she was going to marry so we gifted her the same amount. No 'thanks!' Then about 3 months later a wedding was announced. Groom said 'well, we've already booked a holiday- this will be good as spends on ice cream' FYI it was £1000!. THEN, when wedding date was set a gift list was received. Oh, and also made their cake, again with hand made sugar flowers which took hours to make.

I totally agree with you

YANBU! I didn't dream of asking for anything for my wedding or after my boy was born.
I was thankful for what I received. People are unbelievably entitled these days. So disgusting & cringe when people ask for money or have lists.I'm 48

I love those hand knitted clothes for babies!

I still expected my children to write proper personal handwritten thank yous for Christmas and birthday presents until they were 18
im 54
it is polite and decent

Absolutely agree. I actually much prefer to give money because it saves me the stress of choosing a gift. I have also been to parties (40 and 50th) where the money was to go to a chosen charity. I love that.

I was brought up in the 60s/70s, any gift required a written thank you letter. Writing those to relatives I hardly knew was such a chore - but it did set a rule for life. So I expect something personal. I don’t even think that it should be according to the amount. Not everyone needs a “Dear aunty Elsie thank you for the jigsaw” type letter. I would be happy with a WhatsApp or a phone call - but a personal acknowledgment is absolutely needed - or they are unlikely to get another gift from me.

Baby stuff. I want to choose. I don’t give money unless at a baby shower. If it is clothes I would include a gift receipt. If it is a toy or book that I feel is special I don’t think I would give a receipt. My practical Neighbour made me smile when my daughter had a baby - she gave a beautiful outfit for a 12 to 18 month old. It will get used next year. BTW what daughter and friends do for all of the gifts of clothes is to meet up with giver with child dressed in said outfit. When this is not possible they send a photo of baby wearing said outfit.

Well, I first came across gift registries for everything about 18-20yrs ago when an older friend was getting married. I remember there was engagement registry (slightly more pocket friendly) and wedding registry ( where we had to club together with 3-4 other friends to find smth we collectively could afford), followed by baby registry. All weddings since then have been comparable- banking account + registry.

You’re a lovely kind thoughtful person, expect you get wonderful gifts from those lucky enough to be your friends 🙄

Blimey. Someone touched a nerve. It is rude and entitled to expect money and not send a thank you card. No manners.

I quite like a wedding list as it's easier for me but I think it's rude to ask for cash. I think it's also rude to ask for money or have a list for children's presents. YANBU.

You're hilarious!
Have you got the reaction you wanted yet?

the concept of a large gift being 'showing off' is a new one on me! Who thinks like that? Mean minded folk who feel that large gifts make THEM look stingy.?