When someone dies.....

[Wiltshiregirl06]

Posting for traffic here, all suggestions welcome.

A relative lives a very reclusive life, think a farm house in the middle of nowhere, not much contact with others, apart from occasionally getting shopping delivered from another distant relative.
If he dies, how would we find out or be notified? The distant relative doesn't have my contact details, I don't have theirs. The relative in question is elderly, doesn't see or hear well, can't read be or write very well and isn't likely to have our details to hand, or be able to read it if they did.
Is there anywhere we can register that we (my family and my father) are next of kin? Just to complicate matters, my father and them fell out some years ago and don't speak.
Thank you.

i worry about that happening to me, it wouldn't be months but I think I could be lying there decomposing for a few weeks before anyone bothered to check on me.

Everyone’s immediate thought!

One my my husband’s relatives lives in a very rural area and had a neighbour who’s body was undiscovered for several weeks. He had pet dogs, who obviously needed to eat. I imagine that was very unpleasant for whoever found him. Ultimately it doesn’t actually harm the deceased, but it’s still a horrible thought. I wouldn’t have realised it could actually damage the building so seriously though.

I would send them a Christmas card and ask how they are and include all your contact details

😂
Please, don't underestimate old farmers

New to mumsnet @HonoriaBulstrode ?

I live alone and am considered a 'vulnerable adult' because of health issues. Yesterday, there was a knock on the door and I opened it to find two police officers and two CMHT nurses. They don't have any of my families details as next of kin on record but they turned up because my usual CMHT nurse hadn't been able to reach me by phone the day before. Turns out my phone is broken and can't make or receive calls!

I was very impressed though, despite them arriving expecting to find something terrible had happened to me and I opened the door expecting them to tell me something terrible had happened to someone else!

I sent them all off with a cold bottle of water each and an ice lolly. I think they were glad they came round in the end!

I do have a 'death book' with account details, passwords and phone numbers. My nurse, sister and son know where its kept (my family live some hours away from me) so if the police had arrived to find me as a shrivelled up husk, my nurse would be able to direct them to The Book!

4 people including two police officers came to check up on one person who hadn’t been reachable since the day before?

Very sensible!

Oh and I'm very good friends with my 91yr old neighbour. She has a crazy social life, far busier than mine! She knocks on my door or phones me if she's not seen me for a couple of days. I know if her curtains aren't opened then there's a problem. We both have keys to each others houses as well.

@Othersnotsomuch Yes. Because of my MH history and attempts iyswim. I'm closely monitored. I can't be sectioned because the local hospital's ward is full!

My grandmother used to have a similar arrangment with the neighbour across the street that the curtains must be up before Xam

how awful for you

presumably live alone with no dependent children?

I think we can safely assume that! Otherwise the death book and welfare check wouldn't make any sense would it.

I have an uncle I feel the same about. He talks to my mum occasionally, but isn’t in regular touch and lives hundreds of miles away. No other family, no children. Not social at all.

I don’t know what would happen if he died - we wouldn’t worry for weeks of no one had heard from him. We’d have to hope a neighbour noticed, but not sure how anyone would connect back to family/next of kin.

It’s a sad thought really.

When my dad died the police found his passport which had two next of kin listed at the back. The local police called the police where one of the NOK lives and they went round and informed them. Then the NOK rang the rest of the family.

If anyone cares about him when he's alive, prevention to dying alone is hugely important. A personal alarm for elderly people living reclusive lives is a possible solution to suddenly feeling unwell and be alone.

As to what happens after he dies, it'll depend on his will if he has one.

@Zezet You can't under estimate the value of having lovely neighbours! Just simple things like the curtains can make a massive difference. I think I would like your grandmother!

@Othersnotsomuch My DCs are adults and haven't lived with me for years. I'm alone and responsible for just an aquatic turtle and an elderly dog. The dog would probably raise the alarm at 7am or 5pm by shouting the street down if her food bowl hadn't been filled!

And exactly, @isittime!!😆

Why don’t you put your adult DC as next of kin to save four people coming out again, inc two police officers?

only if he wants it.

The start of the thread had me thinking you were worried about him being ill and dying alone or his body being left, which would be very sad. The way it ends though sounds like you just want to be notified once he's gone. In my opinion if you're not interested in being there for someone in life you're not entitled to anything in their death.

"i worry about that happening to me, it wouldn't be months but I think I could be lying there decomposing for a few weeks before anyone bothered to check on me."
I think if you live on your own without any family, then it's probably a good idea to have one or more friends or neighbours, who can keep an eye on you, and note if you haven't been seen lately.
I remember when my late MIL was hospitalised, and my DH and I went to her house to collect a few items for her, the next door neighbour came round to ask after her, as he had not seen her.
This is the kind of thing at the very least.
My DM had a council run 'pendant' around her nexk, by which, if she fell or similar she could contact them, and they would contact one of her two nominated friends/neighbours who lived nearby. I don't think this kind of service is operated now, though this may depend on the area. Of course my DM DID have family but the emergency concat was in case of a fall, or similar.

Local authorities, Age UK and others still do alarms

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/products/mobility-and-independence-at-home/personal-alarms/

That's why I've kept my milk delivery going. Seriously...

It's only twice a week, but someone would notice before too long.

some councils subsidise private schemes and private schemes are available. Anybody thinking of one now should make sure that it will still work when the telephone line changeover happens in their area.