When someone dies.....

[Wiltshiregirl06]

Posting for traffic here, all suggestions welcome.

A relative lives a very reclusive life, think a farm house in the middle of nowhere, not much contact with others, apart from occasionally getting shopping delivered from another distant relative.
If he dies, how would we find out or be notified? The distant relative doesn't have my contact details, I don't have theirs. The relative in question is elderly, doesn't see or hear well, can't read be or write very well and isn't likely to have our details to hand, or be able to read it if they did.
Is there anywhere we can register that we (my family and my father) are next of kin? Just to complicate matters, my father and them fell out some years ago and don't speak.
Thank you.

You do not see them in life do not check in or engage but want to nominate yourself as NoK and know what happens when they die
How very unsavoury

Could your friend or her DFather perhaps find out ‘relatives’ GP, surely must have 1 even if not ‘used’?
Police do have a way of just checking some1 is alright, but can’t remember what it’s called soz.

My thoughts are- this person is a grown adult who is choosing to be reclusive.

If he doesnt want a next of kin then that is entirely his prerogative. Yes, it's a horrible thought to think he could die and remain there without being found for a while but he must be aware of this consequence if he is reclusive. I mean, its bloody obvious isnt it?

Unless someone lacks capacity to make their own decisions, its entirely on him if he ends up not being discovered after passing away and yes it is not very nice but as I said, we all have the right to make our own decisions in life, even if they are considered "unwise" by others.

I was holidaying in the UK walking to a town through out of the way fields and little pathways when we can across a Police car being driven through one of the fields.

Offered to open the gate for them and got chatting, the police officer was saying how there's a few elderly people living in the more secluded farms and properties dotted about and as it doesnt take long they include it as part of their duty and do a quick welfare check on them.
Thought that was a nice thing to do.

Please RTFT 🙄

Around us (not UK)the local police station are happy to keep some details on people in the area who are old and vulnerable. When we were concerned about my FIL going for a walk and getting lost (dementia building) we gave them a call with his name, address and our names and phone number. They were grateful and said they wished more people did that as it would make their lives easier if there was a problem. They also asked us to drop off a photo of him (which we did). Maybe this might work for your friend?

For information as solicitors are reluctant to store them these days.

Destroying a will (if it gets found out) is a criminal offence

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/store-a-will-with-the-probate-service

Lots of assumptions on here and lots of slagging off OP but you don't even know the situation so just answer the question.

I would make sure logged with GP and I would contact 101 and advise of his living situation and that he is not well and chooses not to be in contact but you do have responsibilities should they pass away etc and log your info with them linked to his address.

I would also speak to rellie that is organising shopping etc make sure they have your contact and you could also help out with that in terms of cost etc.

Sometimes age and ill-health can mean they choose no contact as don't want to be mithered etc and less to do with inheritance etc. I know I have relatives that I am not in touch with but were they to pass away I would want to make sure things were handled for funerals etc.

I did. My answer remain same
eyeroll that With you RTFT

It happened in my family that someone died and nobody knew because they had fallen out with everyone. The local council tracked a family member eventually and they’d obviously made some effort to do this. It meant we could organise the funeral. Wasn’t talking to anyone but we still all had a duty and connection to them and wouldn’t have wanted nobody at the funeral. Nothing to do with money.

Loads of “assumptions” here too!

TBF, it's a criminal offence whether it gets found out or not.

yeah but I'm not then proceeding to slag people off based on assumptions am I

I'm trying to help a friend in difficult circumstances deal with her family.

a “friend” my ass

why not suggest to your friend that she too join us to mumsnet and start a thread on AIBU (of all places 😆) asking for advice?

well that’s what happens when an OP starts a thread on AIBU providing the most scant of detail

Quite Dumplinger. I was thinking that the only exercise some people get is jumping to conclusions!

"rellie" 🤮

Well if someone is doing the shopping then they will find them when they are dead. To be blunt. So no worries about them being undiscovered. It's also to be honest a harder thing for living people to swallow (being undiscovered for a while) because if you're dead, well you are gone so you aren't going to care. I would probably want to know that an elderly relative had alarms that they could activate in case they were injured.

Goodness me, there's some unpleasant answers here, but thanks for the helpful suggestions received. I assume people are either not reading my further updates, (and I apologise for not putting more details in originally), or people are judging on the situation without properly understanding after reading. I'm glad that I asked the question, as if she had posted here she would have been very upset with some of the responses, which are very far from the reality. I know the situation and can see that difficulties lie ahead, and I'm trying to support my friend in finding out things she doesn't know.
She does have a cordial relationship with the relative, although from miles away it's difficult to "pop in once a week" as someone suggested. Her dad has fallen out with the relative, but to be fair, he's fallen out with everyone.
Again, it's not money related,I can't emphasise that enough. And yes, the thought that he could die and not be discovered for ages is a worry, he has dogs and cats, that's a whole other worry.
Thank you for the helpful ideas that some people have suggested, I'll pass them on.

So you want to register yourself as next of kin and be informed of their death but can't be bothered to keep in touch with them while they are alive? I have relatives I am not in touch with so would not expect to be notified of their death. This is a very odd post.

To add to this I suppose I was surprised by your original post and have not read the updates, if I have got it wrong I hold my hands up and apologise

Quite! You try and help a friend, and yes it is a friend, not me, and you get jumped on! Thanks

This is peak MN. So many people lie in wait, ready to be the first to assume the worst about the OP.

If your friend is concerned about being notified (for the obvious reasons, no one wants a body to lie undiscovered!), she could try contacting social services and leaving details. I am guessing (but don’t know for sure) that if the police wanted to trace relatives, they might contact SS to see if the person was on their radar. This might trigger SS to do a welfare check and to be honest, that might not be a bad thing (even if the relative refuses help).

Beyond that, not really sure there’s much more you can do!

What drew you to AIBU of all places?

You joined mumsnet just to start the thread or NC?