When someone dies.....

[Wiltshiregirl06]

Posting for traffic here, all suggestions welcome.

A relative lives a very reclusive life, think a farm house in the middle of nowhere, not much contact with others, apart from occasionally getting shopping delivered from another distant relative.
If he dies, how would we find out or be notified? The distant relative doesn't have my contact details, I don't have theirs. The relative in question is elderly, doesn't see or hear well, can't read be or write very well and isn't likely to have our details to hand, or be able to read it if they did.
Is there anywhere we can register that we (my family and my father) are next of kin? Just to complicate matters, my father and them fell out some years ago and don't speak.
Thank you.

Thank you. It's been made to sound like she's a money grabbing bitch who wants to sweep in , grab all the money and live in the farm like Lady Muck! The money side is not the issue.

But the NHS only has what the person tells them for a person to contact. you've told them. The person may say they don't have a next of kin. Also they may have put this other person as the person they want contacted in an emergency. Doesn't have to be next if kin which actually has no legal status I am led to believe.

If the person is found by the police, then they would alert the legal next of kin, which is suggested that its the OP's friends father, so you would expect her father to tell her.
If the police aren't involved and the distant relative is there or is the one informed then it would be harder to be immediately notified.
I would suggest the OPs friend make contact with the distant relative (who dies the shopping) to make their wishes known I.e Please let me know that X died.
If it were me I would start writing to X regularly, letters/postcards etc, so that it's clear there is contact.
The will doesn't tend to be read until after the funeral. So if all else fails you'd be contacted then. If no will then the order of inheritance (intestacy rules) apply and its very easy to see how you'd be contacted by an executor at this stage.
You cannot register that you are someones next of kin unless that person chooses to name you (or give you Lasting Power of Attorney POA, which is a legal process).

I took this bit to mean she doesn't have contact with that person:

getting shopping delivered from another distant relative.
If he dies, how would we find out or be notified? The distant relative doesn't have my contact details, I don't have theirs.

@Wiltshiregirl06 Clearly you think this relative's death is more important than their life.

I hope that you receive no communication when this relative passes away.

Yes, and that’s the way it should be. No one should be declaring themselves someone else’s next of kin. If this person wants someone to be notified, they’ll say.

You might want to RTFT….

@Wiltshiregirl06 has explained more about what’s going on agd it is NOT about not having contact at all etc….

You've only read the first post, haven't you.

We are totally NC with dhs mum. Dh is still listed as next of kin as someone will have to make arrangements when she dies.

He has few visitors, no carers, just the distant relative who does shopping for him. I'll check if she has contact details for him but I'm pretty sure she doesn't. He truly is reclusive!
I never thought about the police getting in touch after finding out who's next of kin, that's a good point, although they'd probably contact her dad as he's named on a few legal things. Hopefully he'll tell her. However, he's older than the relative in question, so don't know what would happen if he'd died already.

It's a very complicated family situation that I'm genuinely trying to find a solution to THAT DOESN'T RELATE TO HIS MONEY!

You will be contacted by the executor if you are a beneficiary, if not you won't be. The death will likely show in the Gazette (a published list of deceased estates) but doesn't have to be - you may simply not know.

Chances are you won't be a beneficiary if time has gone on and there has been no contact, reclusive types tend to have the will sorted out, probably with a solicitor as executor and a charity or carer as a beneficiary.

Putting aside all the comments suggesting that there's something wrong with you wanting to know and suggesting that you're a money grabber, I found out that an estranged parent had died via google. I used to search their name periodically and one day got a hit because the solicitor handling their estate had put a probate notice in the registry (https://www.gov.uk/search-will-probate).

I then rang the solicitor named on the probate documents to try and get confirmation that it was my parent, and by sharing various details he was able to confirm that it was. FWIW they had died several months earlier and had I not searched, I assume I would never have been contacted. Obviously I had told the solicitor who I was, and had asked if there had been any mention of adult children, and he lied and said no. I don't know why he did that. I can only assume it was because he didn't want to tell me I'd been disinherited in case I got difficult.

You can get a copy of a will online, it's only a couple of quid. I paid for it in order to get confirmation that it was definitely my parent, which is how I found out I'd been disinherited. A sibling who had also been disinherited challenged the will through a no win no fee solicitor and ended up with a small amount of money. I didn't bother.

I hope this answers your question. x.

FWIW for those who think anyone who does this is just a money grabber (what's wrong with hoping you might inherit something anyway), it was important to me to know my abusive parent was dead.

Visit him and make a laminated sign with key numbers on it, eg, plumber, GP, electrician, yourself, taxi company, the shopping relative, etc. So if he needs something, he can get it.

If you're concerned he could be undiscovered for a while due to having hardly any visitors, then obviously you need to arrange for more visitors, If he wants them. See if you can convince him that you'd like to employ a weekly cleaner for him, for example.

Put him into a home

What a repulsive set of responses. Poor OP, 💐.

If he’s found, the police will find you somehow - I’ve known two people this happened to. One after six months post-death.

Inheritance is an issue only if you’re named in the Will - given relative probably inherited from family himself, it’s perfectly right and proper for you to know where you stand.

This is a pretty sad post 🥹
Many of us say we would love to live in the middle of nowhere , imagine the peace but I imagine this is the reality of it too and this is really quite sad .
You could be passed away for a while and no one know . It’s a shame that she can’t build a relationship with him enough so she could check up on him every week or someone pop and see him every few days . What a sad lonely life he’s got at the end of his days and yet some people choose that and it’s their wish .

Next of kin and closest living relative are two different things. You can name your next of kin on things like your medical records as to who you want to be contacted in an emergency. Your closest living relative is just that, the person most closely related to you. You can’t change that even if you want to, it doesn’t matter if you fall out or not. I found this out a couple of years ago when it affected a friend of mine (I won’t share her private details here, but it was important at the time). I don’t know for sure which the police contact when someone dies but I think it might actually be the closest living relative. You can change your next of kin on things like medical records, but that doesn’t mean they have a legal connection to you I think. Your closest living relative is something that can be pinned down legally without any input from you. If this is the case, and the friends dad is this persons closest living relative, they should be informed of his death. I don’t think you can declare yourself to be someone’s next of kin if they don’t want you to be.

If your friend were to send a letter or card, with their address on, it maybe that the relative would keep it and if something happened, whoever was searching for any contact details, this might be found. I know there are many ifs involved, but my mum used to hang in to all kinds of cards and letters.

Yes, the will should give the name and address of any beneficiary.

I've no children of my own and the stepkids aren't in touch. I have no siblings.

I've told my cousins that they'll know that I'm gone when the neighbours see my milk deliveries piling up. I keep a copy of my will on the mantelpiece. (I put it there during lockdown.)

I haven't organised my funeral yet, but my cousins have strongly hinted that it should be a direct cremation.

Not quite the same, and very low tech. My DH stuck an A4 sheet of paper on the living-room door of a very elderly relative with his (DH) name, our address, and phone numbers in huge letters so that she would see it every day and hopefully remember who he was. He couldn’t visit as often as he wanted.

Unfortunately, the social worker who visited her to arrange a care home placement didn’t notice it and then told dh to throw everything in a skip when she finally moved into a care home.

Correct, and if there is no will then the law of intestacy will pass some, or all of the assets to that person.

He has few visitors, no carers, just the distant relative who does shopping for him. I'll check if she has contact details for him but I'm pretty sure she doesn't. He truly is reclusive!
I never thought about the police getting in touch after finding out who's next of kin, that's a good point, although they'd probably contact her dad as he's named on a few legal things. Hopefully he'll tell her. However, he's older than the relative in question, so don't know what would happen if he'd died already.

It's a very complicated family situation that I'm genuinely trying to find a solution to THAT DOESN'T RELATE TO HIS MONEY!

She must have contact details if she gets his shopping surely??

I once had to deal with the consequences of someone dying and not being found for several weeks. A somewhat reclusive neighbour, not someone I had any personal connection with other than the occasional ‘good morning’. He had no living relatives I believe.

Dealing with that situation is not something I would wish on anyone, it was extremely distressing.

If your friend can do anything to make sure that should they die, someone will know within days rather than weeks, that will make a big difference. Eg a weekly check. I appreciate that may not be easy.

If she does his shopping for him, doesn’t that mean she visits to take the shopping fairly regularly or does she do it online?