Husband unhappy with my friendship with a man

[Lll09]

I knew my friend long before I met my husband; we have been close friends for years, and it's purely platonic, with no romantic feelings whatsoever. However, my husband has become increasingly annoyed at the amount of time I've even spending with them - he has been made redundant and has a lot of free time.
My husband asked me to stop spending so much time together, I refused and 6 months ago he left.

On the whole, I thought we had a happy marriage, aside from this issue. We have 2 children, plus 1 from my previous marriage. I thought, he'd clam down and we'd progress to counselling but he's made it clear he isn't interested.

At the start of the school holidays, he told me he is no longer willing to financially support me and has told me to find a full time job. It's going to be a nightmare because he has been very noncommittal about providing childcare for his step child, although he has said he will continue to contribute to their school fees.

A few friends have said I should have acquiesced, and I sometimes thing i should have.

Apart from you thinking that your exH should take care of a child that isn't his, I was kind of verging on your side, having had an ex who had massive issues with me having anything to do with the male friends I'd had long before I met him. But then I read all your comments. You saw him three times a week for most of the year? I'm on team husband. You messed up.

Read the OP's posts @usedtobeaylis . He didn't try to 'control' anything. He said he was uncomfortable with the amount of time she was spending with him. She refused to change. Couldn't, because she is obsessed with this sidepiece man. Leaving her husband no option but to leave. She chose her sidepiece over her husband and her family. Her husband is such a good man that he is paying for her child, that isn't even his, school fees while OP until now has refused to get a job to pay for her own children. She has used and taken advantage of her husband and blown her marriage up. Her husband deserves better.

I think this is being missed. If she's fully responsible for the childcare and works part time, I don't think meeting up with friends, even if it's the same friend, four times a week is unreasonable. One of those times is during the day when presumably the husband is at work then so effectively two evenings a week and a few hours on one weekend day for some of the year. That could potentially add to to no more than 10 hours in total over the course of a week, with ALL the other hours taken up with work and caring for 3 children and running the house.

I've read them and I don't think the time she spent with friends is unreasonable given she is working part time and clearly responsible for he children at all other times.

I'd tell him to grow the fuck up. I have male friends. If I wanted to bang them, I would have done years ago.

10 hours a week is way too much. Especially when she won't spend any time with her family.

If this was a male spending time with a female friend no one would let him off the hook. This OP is deeply and utterly obsessed with a man outside of her marriage and chose to blow her entire marriage up and her children's security for him. And the deadbeat friend doesn't work either.

Would you say that to a male who is spending 4 days a week with his female friend? OP needs to grow up. She blew up her marriage for a deadbeat sidepiece that doesn't even work himself.

This really

Yes! I would. You either trust your partner or you don't. If you don't, end it.

Am I the only one who thinks that if your friend was a true friend with no romantic feelings for you, he wouldn’t have wanted to put your marriage at risk by spending so much time with you?

How is she not spending any time with her family when she has outlined the time she's not with her family? The rest of it is either at work or with her family.

Nope, I mentioned it above. Any decent male would be absolutely mortified that he was the cause of a marriage breakup and children losing their family, and call the friendship quits and keep his distance. He'd fall on his sword for the honour of her marriage and her innocent children. That, is what a decent man worth his soul and salt would do. He put himself first over innocent children. He is vile and has no remorse or mortification for the harm he has caused. Its more than obvious that the OP is deeply in love with him even if she won't admit it to us and she needs to get with him since she's blown up her marriage and her children's security for it. But he doesn't even work so god knows what security or life her kids will have. She will regret this for the rest of her life.

he has been made redundant and has a lot of free time.

I will struggle if I need to drop the 2 children with him and find someone else to look after my DC.

Maybe recently made redundant friend could help you out, after all it's not as though you haven't known them for sometime so no trust issues.

She clearly isn't as that was what her husband was upset about. 10 hours a week with the man (alone, not even considering her other friends) is a pisstake, a joke. Either way, OP and her sidepiece man deserve each other. She will regret this for the rest of her life.

He only

you’re awful.

My god. Was it worth it?

You’ve been a real fool here OP & now you’re going to pay the price- literally

It’s not always about trust. She was prioritising seeing the friend over spending time with her husband. Ouch.

Yeah so when does the husband get ten hours a week to himself to spend with friends? Never i bet. It's bloody unreasonable of her to spend that march time socialising with one friend. When does her husband get to do it in evenings, etc.

I was uncomfortable with my partner's female friends but even he doesn't see them three times a week
Not even three times a month. It's a bloody joke.

Get a FT job address the financial shortcomings
you’re already on a good deal that ex pays % school fees when he doesn’t need to

To me that sounds like you were too stubborn. Is this friendship really worth more to you than your marriage? What does your friend think about how you spilt from your husband in order to continue a close friendship with him? Do you fancy him?

You need to go the CMS about your ex and his contributions to the children. His step child, where is this child's father?

I don't know if you think you'd want your ex husband back? He probably wouldn't want to get back together. Seeing as you chose your friend over him.

I have plenty of male friends, DH has plenty of female friends. Neither of us has an issue with that. Occasionally he or I will meet up with one of them if we haven't seen them for a while as part of a group setting or if there is an event we both want to attend that nobody else does. Neither of us would meet regularly every week one on one with them though.
And no way would I expect him to be paying school fees and providing childcare for a child that isn't his. Utter piss take

Sounds like she's only bothered about the childcare for the step-DC anyway, and that ex keeps paying for those fees. I'm not surprised he left when she's only bothered about what he can give to her, not about his of the DCs' feelings. As long as the bills are paid and childcare is sorted, she's happy to please herself.

You blew up your kid's lives over this? You are separated and yet ex provides school fees for his step child, and you want him to provide childcare?? You are a weapons grade cheeky fucker and a dickhead.

Yep, she is. The husband should take custody of those kids and get them away from her, imo. He seems to be the only presence in those childrens lives who puts them first.