To ask DH to contribute some money for summer

[snailandwhale25]

DH and I do have separate finances which I know isn’t for everybody but it’s just how we do things. He earns a lot more but in fairness pays for a lot more as well.

We have two children and I seem to be haemorrhaging money this summer. It isn’t even expensive days out, even things like a trip to the park once you’ve factored in parking and ice creams can leave not much change from £20. Plus because I’m with them in the one buying eg sun cream, snacks, groceries so we have food for dinner etc.

I’ve managed until now but payday is next week and I’ve barely anything. It isn’t unreasonable to ask DH to send some money over, is it?

But the house that he pays for is also OPs. Are you suggesting she pays for half of everything that is 'hers' too, or does it only go one way? Because OP would most certainly be worse off if she did.

OP has already said she's happy with the financial arrangement and the way they split things. Some might say sharing a bank account with someone who could ditch you at any minute and leave you with nothing is madness too!

It doesn’t work, because your aren’t working as a team and you’re both trying to stay financially separate.

you have one pot of assets now, since you legally entered into a marriage/civil partnership. What bit of that don’t you understand?

this silly game of I pay 5is, he pays this, I keep money seperately isn’t a sign that you’re staying “independent “and both contributions financially or some misguided idea of equality. It is merely silly, unnecessarily complex and leaves the lesser paid individual open to financial abuse. You should not be having to ask your husband for money ever. You should both have a joint budget, where you’ve agreed over next year what your outgoings and income is, summer activities are budgeted for in advance, along with everything else.

sure keep a perosnal account, where you pay yourselves a perosnal allowance which you can spend as you please on perosnal stuff like clothes, grooming, solo entertainment (girls nights out etc) , and even gifts for each other.

youvarecfneibg out now why not having joint account and budget is simply not working, yet still burying your head in sand to say joint won’t work. It will . As will sitting togther and coming up with a realistic budget so summer spends are accounted for in advance and no nasty surprises.

This is your husband and unless you are expecting him to be annoyed you are asking, then just ask, its not an unreasonable request and the honest answer maybe, sorry love, things are a bit tight for me too and you will need to get inventive.

You are both adults, it doesn't matter who earns what, I am sure you both want the best for your kids in the holidays so just ask....unless there is a back story to this with you asking unsuccessfully for extra money before and you know it will not be well received?

This thread makes my soul weep. 😢 Do some women with children (mothers) really live like this? Have a partner/DH who earns more than them, and have to beg for extra money to keep/feed/entertain their children? This is actually dreadful. I'm utterly speechless. @snailandwhale25 You are 100% entitled to money from HIS account for HIS children.

This works for you does it? Really?

Will never understand how a marriage can be run as two seperate entities. You’re supposed to be a partnership. Of course he should pay for the kids to do things in the summer holidays! At the very list there should be a joint account for all kid related activities.

I agree. How can women bear to be treated like this? If you are a family the money is there for both partners to access, not for one person to dish out like the other is a charity case.

Well, whatever the situation is, it's clearly benefitting the OP's DH - and not her, or she wouldn't be needing extra money for the children FFS!

If you are married to someone who you think might ditch you at any minute and steal your shared money you should divorce them.

A marriage is a union, a combining of two people to effectively live as one unit from hereon in. With this in mind, why on earth do married couples not have a joint account? Blows my mind!

You say a joint account wouldn't work for "all sorts of reasons " but I don't understand why. My DH used to earn a lot more than me, so we each paid an amount to the joint account based on a percentage of what our total outgoings were - so I put in 40% of my take home and my DH used to put in 60% of his.
Then everything household-wise came from the joint account, plus we each had our own personal account for spends, treats etc.

Not sure why this method wouldn't work for you OP - it's so much easier for joint expenditure to come from a joint account.

Had an identical thread two/three days ago.

Why are you having to ask your DH for money to look after his kids?
Why is he not offering?
Is he blind?

OP I know you're resistant but what DH and I do is put all our wages in the joint pot that pays bills and family expenses and then take out equal savings money and spending money for our seperate accounts. That means that we truly pay expenses proportionately to our earnings and save and spend equal amounts as we're a team.

You say you thats not something you want to do, but yet you are short every month and because he earns more no doubt has more disposable income. Could that maybe be a discussion?

Not going to tell you to do a joint account, OP, although I will say we have one without doing a major line-item budget – we both just stick in a set amount and the bills/mortgage/stuff comes out of it. Everything else left in my account and his is a free-for-all.

It does worry me you feel like you can’t ask him or talk about money, though? My DP earns 4x as much as I do and pays for a lot more, as he should! But he also acknowledges I do the lion’s share of childcare and catering; he wouldn’t bat an eye at topping me up for summers/half terms; suggesting he pay for a family pass to the zoo/farm/whatever. With our division of labour and finance, for instance, he books and pays for the food shop, and unpacks it, clears the fridge, etc; I meal plan and add items to a shopping list – which in summer means an absolute fortune in berries but also packaged snacks for ease. No comment is made on the cost.

Summer is expensive – even though I do picnics and free stuff or places we have passes, as you say it’s ice creams and parking. I call it the “£10 a day cost of living with kids”; there’s ALWAYS something, a new water bottle or present for a party or parking or suncream. But I wouldn’t hesitate to tell DP I was short because of this; he would respond that he’s only able to earn to pay for it because I’ve taken more time off to do the childcare, how much do I need. Just talk to him.

I can't see any benefit in separate accounts. Is it just because you feel guilty spending joint money? A secret porn subscription? Or you can't trust your OH not to take the piss and spend all of it?

Maybe she’s a saver and he’s a spender.
Maybe (outside summer months/august) she’s actually better off keeping all her wages.
Maybe she has expenses she doesn’t want her husband to know about that wouldn’t be covered by the leftovers.
Maybe her husband has debts that she doesn’t want to contribute to.

I doubt most of this very much.

Do you have equal amounts of savings and pensions. If you don’t then sort that out. And they are his kids so them and food should come out of a joint account.

I personally ( as an old doll in her 60's ) dont understand separate finances - esp if there are children

Me and DH, he came with 2 kids, and we do have some separate accounts ( hes a spender, Im a saver ) we have always had a joint account Living costs - for everything - from mortgage to the Sunday roast - all worked out, Then He paid more of his left overs into child care - dont give a poo where he spends his " surplus " as long as OUR bills are met

These are your children - you and partner? Therefore you need, if keeping finances separate work out percentages . If you are earring a thousand and its sorting you 500., and hes earring 2k and only spending 500 - that's not right

You have to speak up and have these conversations

@snailandwhale25 sirely though no matter how you split it you need to budget, have an idea of incoming vs outgoings and adjust accordingly

I get this , we only have joint to pay bills we both like having our own money so if I go out with kids I just assume I am paying , if he took the kids out without me I would assume he was paying … if it’s going to be really out of kilter for whatever reason we would however send each other some money

DH does earn more than me but he also pays for more

This is fine, but does he also have more personal disposable money than you do? Does he get to spend more on savings/hobbies/socialising than you do? Something is going wrong if so.

You are a partnership. You should be equal in this partnership, especially as you are married and children are involved. I would really struggle to feel it was fair if one of us in my marriage had more disposable money than the other. How is it ok that you have no money at all, but he presumably has some money if you think he can transfer some over to you?

It is also very telling that you don't know whether you should ask him for some more money. If, between the two of you, you don't want to do budgeting, then of course it's ok to ask him to contribute towards the kids.

ask for some money for activities for HIS children. why are you the only paying?

and stop driving to the park, go to the closest one and walk.

We have separate finances too but DC's costs are shared just like bills such as the mortgage and nursery fees.

A joint account wouldn't work for us.

Me and my husband are a partnership, one account from which everything gets spent, I can’t imagine having to worry about asking him for money! What’s the point in marriage if your not transparent with each other