To ask DH to contribute some money for summer

[snailandwhale25]

DH and I do have separate finances which I know isn’t for everybody but it’s just how we do things. He earns a lot more but in fairness pays for a lot more as well.

We have two children and I seem to be haemorrhaging money this summer. It isn’t even expensive days out, even things like a trip to the park once you’ve factored in parking and ice creams can leave not much change from £20. Plus because I’m with them in the one buying eg sun cream, snacks, groceries so we have food for dinner etc.

I’ve managed until now but payday is next week and I’ve barely anything. It isn’t unreasonable to ask DH to send some money over, is it?

If you don’t want a joint account, then you are going to have to sit down and talk about money regularly. Because the costs you cover are variable and will only increase as your children get older. You need to address why you can’t talk to your husband about money.

My husband earns about 10 times more than me as I work part time around the kids. He jokes that “what’s his is mine and what’s mine is mine”. I pay for various smaller bills and he does big ones like you guys do … but we have a joint credit card which he pays off every month. I use this for groceries, stuff for the house, days out any kids stuff etc . I wouldn’t expect him to pay for me getting my hair done etc but honestly if I was short one month he’d be fine with it. We came up with the card solution when I had our first and was on mat leave as I never wanted to have to ask him for money.

What about keeping your own separate accounts and having a joint family account that you use for all the stuff for the kids. Then both people have access and can see when it needs topping up and do so accordingly without having to be asked. I think if finances are run separately and one person earns a lot more it can lead to the person who earns less having to ask for money. A family account would solve this problem.

I don’t expect him to pay for my hair etc

Why not? You earn considerably less because you’ve gone part time to look after the kids who you are both parents of. If you were still full time, you would both be paying for their childcare, surely? As a result he has more money to play with, and you have less. Why shouldn’t he contribute to things like your hair appointments? That shouldn’t be some kind of favour because you’re ‘a bit short’. You’re a team, contributing equally important things. He puts in the majority of the money, you put in the majority of the childcare. Your contribution is not lesser, and you should not be penalised.

@VenusClapTrap I agree with that. When I was a sahm or earning very little when DH was at the height of his commercial career, it was accepted that he paid for my smart stuff for entertaining which supported him. He paid for my hair when I was in my mid 30s to mid/late 40s - but it was far lower maintenance in those days.

We were a team and my job was to run the house, the children and everything else when he was out for 14 hours a day and often overseas.

I think if finances are run separately and one person earns a lot more it can lead to the person who earns less having to ask for money.
Again with this childlike naivety. There are two alternatives to "having to ask"; one is to budget within your means and the other is to actually discuss finances. All this coy dodging around achieves is avoidance of being a real adult who has adult conversations with their life partner about money. Even for wealthy people, money is NOT endless, and it takes effort to earn. "Just spend his money" shows how little some of you understand the causes of debt in so many households.

Why not? I cannot fathom why you wouldn’t want a joint account for joint expenses, even if one pays more into it than the other.

we have a joint account for all the household bills. DP pays more in because he earns a lot more. Then we both have our own accounts with the leftover money in to do whatever we want with. That way, we know all the bills are covered and neither of us can loan at what the other is spending their disposable income on.

You don’t have to do that though, just work out a rough split based on your incomes. Eg if your DH earns £100k per year and you earn £50k (I picked those numbers as they’re easy to work with), work out how much all
your bills come to, with some extra factored in for days at the park etc, he pays 2/3 and you pay 1/3.

TBH it doesn’t sound like either of you have a very good handle on your finances? Is this why you’re so averse to going through the bills and having a joint account?

But surely it would be easier to budget for the "more expensive month than normal" not let it catch you by surprise and then be flapping about cos there's nothing left. Honestly I don't know how some people cope. I'd be so stressed!

Can’t believe you’re having to beg him for money, it should be shared! You are a team FFS.

You need a “holidays, birthdays and Christmas presents fund”. Be it a jar you stuff notes in or another joint bank account. That way this won’t happen. But you can’t blow it all at once.

I think you’re worried DH will be annoyed youve overspent. Which is why youre on here to see if you’re being reasonable or not as you suspect what he will say. You need to speak to him.

If you’re doing every single activity that exists every day you will overspend. If you’re both ok with that it’s fine but if he’s told you to not go crazy as the moneys not there and you did that’s on you.

Most families would like to do everything but can’t afford it. So a few days doing cheap or free stuff and the odd day doing premium stuff is the norm. The premium stuff being days that’s dads there too to enjoy it all with his children.

How ridiculous that you have to ask the question. Separate finances to this extent is just pathetic for a married couple.

very weird post. If you and DH had healthy communication and you felt able and knew what he earned/spent and what you did then you wouldn’t be posting on here. The problem is you phrase it as contribute but actually what you are spending on the summer needs to be considered with a view of a whole household budget. My husband and I have a joint account - this isn’t penny pinching, it’s just a basic understanding of finances and savings and investments for our joint life together. The one that earns more pays more. Salaries go in and fun money and bills go out, what is left is what we can spent on kids or emergencies or save. Very little left but it gives a broad idea of what we collectively have and what we can afford to do over summers. You say just August but it isn’t - it is every August. No one is forcing you to have a joint account but in the absence of one where you can’t easily view or track your budgets, a joint spreadsheet with your costs is the other option. Then you at least know what your husband has to give, and know if you should drive or walk to the park!