To ask DH to contribute some money for summer

[snailandwhale25]

DH and I do have separate finances which I know isn’t for everybody but it’s just how we do things. He earns a lot more but in fairness pays for a lot more as well.

We have two children and I seem to be haemorrhaging money this summer. It isn’t even expensive days out, even things like a trip to the park once you’ve factored in parking and ice creams can leave not much change from £20. Plus because I’m with them in the one buying eg sun cream, snacks, groceries so we have food for dinner etc.

I’ve managed until now but payday is next week and I’ve barely anything. It isn’t unreasonable to ask DH to send some money over, is it?

Multiple people have asked how you split your finances. Are you going to tell us?

Is there a reason you haven’t asked him?

What are the reasons it doesn’t work?

It's completely mad isn't it! Honestly the fact you think it's unreasonable to expect him to help pay for children you both had is just blowing my mind!

It's also completely odd to me that he hasn't thought about the fact you'd be paying more for them during the summer holidays and therefore already offered to transfer some money across.

Interested to know why a joint account “just doesn’t work”. Does one of you have a spending problem?

Of course it’s not unreasonable for a father to pay for food/toiletries/entertainment.

In summer we continue to buy the same ‘school lunches’ and make then each night before. Sit in the fridge ready for a day out or a day at home they are ready whenever they want to eat them. Saves rushing around (both parents working from home all summer). Works better for us

You can have joint account for children where you both contribute.

we have a joint account that just covers food household and family expenses. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Unless you have a set up where he pays all the bill and mortgage and you pay for the shopping. In which case the shopping person always get screwed

I can't believe that it hasn't occurred to him when you talk about what you've done during the day to offer to send you money to entertain his kids!!!

DH transfers me an extra £100 a week during the holidays to cover the extra costs. Even though I’m a SAHM I’ve never wanted a joint bank account, happy with my own account with money transferred into it

I don’t have a joint account with my partner - because he is a saver, and I am a spender.
it just wouldn’t work.
we’d get to the end of the month and I’d think ‘oooh, bank account looks good - I’ll pick up x,y,z.’
he thinks ‘I’ll pop that over to the other account/premium bonds/whatever sensible thing should be done with the money’
I have my money, he earns considerably more, so if there’s a big expense for the kids or something I let him know and he’ll transfer it over.
we have a joint credit card, but that’s it.

Just have joint money. What is the advantage of having separate, I’ve never really understood it?

But you don't have to put all your money in the joint account. Just enough to cover joint expenses each month with maybe a bit extra so you have some leeway for any extra expenses that crop up.

Obviously just do whatever works for you but I find it very strange to have completely separate finances when you have lots of shared expenses.

We don’t though - we have things I pay for, and things he pays for. His overshadows mine, but we are each responsible for our own family expenses, if that makes sense?
he then will just give me whatever extra I need.

We don’t run totally separate finances, or all into one pot- there are joint and separate accounts. We have agreed budgets for certain things and expensive purchases/large cost activities are jointly agreed. There can be very good reasons for separate finances, though, and if it works for you then it’s fine.

the issue here is that it isn’t entirely working for you. Whether that’s the fault of the nature of how you share your finances and joint costs, or whether that is because you have had a budgeting/ overspending issue is impossible to say.

I suppose it depends on what your agreement is. If it’s he pays all day to day costs- mortgage/rent, council tax, utilities/insurance , travel costs, whilst you pay for children’s clothes/shoes/hobbies and school
holiday entertainment (assuming the current split of costs is more or less proportional to income) then he might have some justification in wondering why you hadn’t stuck to your budget, or had not put aside money in anticipation. If your income is really low and you can’t afford to put money aside after your expenses, then there is a problem- either an unfair split of costs is leaving you struggling, or your joint outgoings (even if paid separately) are too high.

I don’t think it unreasonable to ask, and if he can afford to, he should help you. Whether this reflects a wider issue in the way you split your finances, or your budgeting, is another matter.

I didn’t realise they had to be honest. I’m multi tasking. DH earns a lot more so he pays for the mortgage, the bills etc. I pay for the kids stuff - so nursery (although dc1 has now left) and activities and most food and clothes. It works out fairly equal and in fact I thought I’d save money this summer as I didn’t have a childcare bill for dc1. That has not happened!

What's the point then if he gives you the extra?

I couldn't be doing with this at all. DH and I both work, it gets slung into a central pot which is ours as a couple. If he wants to buy stuff he can, so can I. We might check in if it's a larger amount like "oh btw I am going to buy x which is prob about £250 if you see it coming out of the account".

Yeah this is similar. I have to admit a joint account just doesn’t appeal to me in the slightest.

Children’s expenses need to come from a joint pool. You can keep other expenses separate if you want, but not those. So you are unreasonable to ask him to send some money over because what you need to do is completely overhaul this situation.

But this is a strange way of doing it, and also relies on you being the one to budget well. His money is used for things that are consistent (well mostly). He knows how much the mortgage/rent is, gas/electric, water bills etc. Whereas you paying for the children varies. Do you also buy their presents? Will you be buying school uniform? You therefore need to ensure that by only funding the child related activities you 'save' for holidays and don't spend on weekends term time, and also save enough for gifts.
It seems a strange system as your costs could vary.

The only think unreasonable about this is the fact it’s a question. You shouldn’t think this is unreasonable neither you shouldn’t be worried to ask.
the fact that you have is concerning

@Moonnstars i do think that’s a good way of putting it but then the issue with the joint pot is that if / when it runs out because as you rightly say it isn’t consistent it still is me replacing it. So back to square one really.

Why doesn't it appeal to you. You'd both put in amounts and all bills would come from that? Much the same as what you do now but then you wouldn't worry about having no money.

I think it's good to have separate finances. As long as it works out fairly. We have never had a joint account.

We do help each other out though if one of us is a bit skint. So just ask him for some money.

It just doesn’t @Spies . I think the system we have is mostly fair; it’s just this month where it’s disproportionately fallen on me a bit.

Course not. But I am concerned that you are concerned about asking him
should be a
“oi, dh, keeping these two happy over summer hols is pretty expensive can you transfer me an extra £100 to tide me over”