To ask DH to contribute some money for summer

[snailandwhale25]

DH and I do have separate finances which I know isn’t for everybody but it’s just how we do things. He earns a lot more but in fairness pays for a lot more as well.

We have two children and I seem to be haemorrhaging money this summer. It isn’t even expensive days out, even things like a trip to the park once you’ve factored in parking and ice creams can leave not much change from £20. Plus because I’m with them in the one buying eg sun cream, snacks, groceries so we have food for dinner etc.

I’ve managed until now but payday is next week and I’ve barely anything. It isn’t unreasonable to ask DH to send some money over, is it?

I'm a sahm and get a monthly allowance from DH, as we never bothered getting a joint account. So not quite the same situation, but I am spending a lot more than average on DC in the holidays and yes, I have asked him for more contributions to cover half of it. He's said of course.

But you would roughly calculate what costs to put into each pot. So if you know nursery usually costs x amount, that would be what goes in it, along with a rough calculation of other spends e.g. I normally spend around £200 on Christmas per child so I would work out splitting this each month. Then a set amount for clothes. Basically building having a pot readily available for spending.

What happens at weekends if you do things with the kids? Who pays then? Is it you as you pay for child related activities?
What about holidays?

We have a couple of joint accounts as well as our own and different things come out of each. Likewise we do put most things on credit card and then pay off in full each month.

He pays mortgage. Are you on the deeds?

Exactly @Moonnstars and honestly trawling through every bill and working out ‘my’ percentage and ‘his’ is just not how I want to be spending the precious little free time I have, it just isn’t. I’m honestly not knocking it in the slightest; obviously people do and it works well for them.

It's not just this month though. The older children get, the more expensive they are. Clubs, activities, trips out, clothing, food, presents, and so on.

I’ll be able to work more then, though @Whinge and other costs will either go or be reduced (childcare mostly!) So a different financial picture and we’ll keep adapting and tweaking. I’m just not really looking to start a joint account on the basis of August - especially since I’ve nothing to put in it at the moment!

But your current system doesn't work either. What if your partner says no he doesn't have the money either?
How do you know what he has spent all his money on?

Going forward Just ask him for £20 the night before

@Moonnstars its worked until now- August is a bit of an anomaly.

God, how do women live like this?

OP, you're married. What's his is yours, as he would very soon discover if you were to divorce.

Let me guess - he has a shit load of money for personal spends which you don't see or know about and while you're scratching around trying to afford an ice-cream for his children, he's spending on hobbies, tech, clothes, cars......

I guess it depends on what you can afford collectively? How much does he have leftover?

You both need to sit down and work out a budget that works for the family income and expenses. Then work within that. Sometimes that means - as a family - you can’t afford £20 just to go to a park. But if you can afford that collectively then of course you should expect him to pay his fair share.

Cannot believe there’s another thread like this already!

@Gallivant - quite happily! Honestly, I’m not getting the massive fuss here. DH pays for the mortgage, the bills, that’s a lot.

I pay for nursery, swimming, other activities, I mostly buy their food and clothes but it isn’t set in stone and DH sometimes does as well.

Sitting down and working out a budget is exactly what I definitely don’t want and neither does DH. I do with my monthly salary of course but the summer has taken me by surprise and the budget would have been blown by week 2 anyway!

Sitting down and working out a budget is exactly what I definitely don’t want and neither does DH.

Of course he doesn't. If you actually sat down and compared how much you spend each month compared to how much you each earn, it would be obvious just how much better off he is due to the current arrangement.

Children should be a joint expense. You're working less hours and yet you're still paying for nursery, childcare, actvities, clothes, food and most of the other general household expenses. Do you know what he spends his money on? Doesn't it bother you that you have nothing left and he could have thousands in savings?

I think I’ve tried to make it politely clear it isn’t something I’m looking to do at this time. I don’t want that to sound rude, ungrateful or in any way surly but I just don’t think there’s much to be gained by us endlessly going over it for pages when to be totally transparent here I’ve no intention of opening a joint account unless DH indicates he’d also like to!

Do you really know how exactly how equally it works out though? I can't see why you wouldn't have a joint account you both pay into, but keep your own personal accounts too. That's what we do. We set it up so that we both have the same amount of money left in our own accounts each month, so that it works out fairly regardless of who's earning what.

Ah so it's your dh who doesn't want to. That's not really surprising tbh.

No - if he said it was something he was interested in, that would be fine; he hasn’t, neither am I, so we’re both happy. For now!

Why not? It would mean there's one account that you both pay a certain amount into according to your incomes (since you'll never completely pool everything by the sound of it) and then you dip into it for things like entertaining the kids in holidays and weekends. What's your objection?

Sitting down and working out a budget is exactly what I definitely don’t want and neither does DH.

Well no one wants to do this, OP. But unless you are super rich it is unfortunately part of being a grown up, especially once you become a parent.

Why are you asking if it's unreasonable to ask DH for more money? Is it that you're worried it will cause an argument? Is it because you're not sure if he has the money to give you?

However you choose to manage your money - budget or not, joint account or not, you should never be worried about asking the father of your children to contribute to their costs and you should know whether he can afford to contribute.

You started this thread because you're not happy! Why can't you talk to your own husband about money?

Of course he's not interested. He's much better off financially as he earns a lot more than you and he doesn't need to contribute towards any of the expenses from the children.

You might not want to focus on it, but you started the thread as you obviously want to change something about the situation. Do you really want to continue for the next goodness knows how many summers pinching pennies or feeling worried about asking your own husband for money?

I get it OP

I have been married 25 years , we've never got round to sorting out joint account - we've varied over years who is higher earner.

Now I work part time for very small wage ,DH is retired with state and private pension and savings.

We are mortgage free - from my acccount I pay council tax, electricity, gas and water - we put all food and other household expenses on credit card including DS 17 costs and when monthly bill comes in DH pays it in full .

Our DC are grown up now. We always had separate finances. When I wasn't working I just billed DH at the end of the month. I kept a book and the receipts. He paid a cheque. That covered everything.

When I went back to work when the DC were 5 and 8, I earnt £8k, DH was earning in excess of £250k. He started giving me a monthly allowance for food and incidental spends. I started to pay for my hair, clothes, the DC's clothes and days out. DH paid for the bigger stuff - swimming, music lessons, etc. As my earnings increased, I.picked up more.

But what strikes me @snailandwhale25 is your comme t about how easy it is to spend £20 going to the park on parking and ice creams. We were in London and walked to the park and even now Richmond/Battersea Park wouldn't be more than a tenner I imagine. We used to take snacks and usually, if they wanted ice-cream we bought it on the way home where it was much cheaper.

We used to have great days put at a big garden centre, pretend the fish sheds were an aquarium, walk the wandering trail and I guess they did get an ice cream there. Another great outing for rainy days was a ride around Richmon Park with binoculars, getting them to spot deer and maybe having a little romp at the mini playground if the rain held off. Picnic in the car and a hard no to the ice cream van - we went to the shop instead.

You're being mugged off, you should have the same money.