Torn on attending a wedding with a positive covid test

[Raveien]

Hello All,

Just looking for advice really, I've been feeling under the weather with cold symptoms after going to a festival and I did a covid test today and its positive. My partner has done a test and is negative. We're both due to travel up country tomorrow, for a wedding on Saturday. I don't know the couple, I am meant to be meeting them for the first time during this wedding. My partner has another covid test that he'll take tomorrow.

I had my partner message the groom to let him know, and he's said for both of us to come anyways, and to just not make a big song and dance for testing positive, he's said about 90 people are going and the chances of someone else having it, irregardless of me, is quite high. My partner will still go without me, I think, but has said he'll be sad without me there, and is of the opinion that if the groom is fine with it, I should still go. But of course, there could be people in attendance who are vulnerable.

However I feel really torn, because my best friend has said she'll be really disappointed in me if I go, and that I don't know these people, so technically I won't be missing out on much - which is true. She said if I was asymptomatic that would be different, but I do have common cold symptoms, but they are manageable with cold and flu medicine.

Just seeking some advice really, if the groom had of said 'she can't come with covid' it would have been so much easier, but now I'm torn between my partner and the groom saying to come, and my best friend saying it would be the wrong thing to do. Would it be unreasonable for me to still go?

I would go but I also wouldn't have even bothered testing. I don't think I've done a covid test in 2, maybe 3 years

It’s all well and good saying “nobody should test for Covid” or “it’s just a cold” but for many many people it isn’t.

with DS we have to test him at the first sign of illness (we get free tests) because if he develops it we need to get the right antiviral drug ASAP before he becomes ill as the risk for him is so high.

Sorry to hear this. The strain that was going round last autumn (I caught it too) seemed to be particularly bad at causing long term issues. My doctor said he’d seen a huge increase in perfectly healthy people with issues caused by Long Covid. It can really get in to the vascular system and cause heart problems, brain fog, inflammation. It’s just awful.

I mean, that's not true.

You shouldn't go now that you know.

I think you should stop listening to your friend!

Don't go, please OP. It really isn't fair on anyone else there, particularly elderly or people with conditions that make them vulnerable. And in fact anyone can get bad covid and long covid which can have devastating effects. Why risk it? You don't even know these people. I am afraid I think you would be very selfish to go just to appease Bf and his mate. Bf shouldn't go either, probably. 😯

Actually immunosuppressed people do. That’s more people than you might think. Your ‘common cold’ is extremely dangerous for some. I think OP should go at all. If you’re unwell with a horrible cold, why would you spread it?

If you had common flu, you wouldn’t go. So why go with COVID. There was a post on here not so long ago about a pregnant lady who’d miscarried and it was potentially because she’d caught covid off a colleague who’d kept coming in to work.

just because you feel fine and the groom feels fine about it, doesn’t mean that you can make the decision about what risk exposure is appropriate for other people.

Covid is flu. It’s not a basic cold

I tested positive in July 2023.

Still fucking struggling with LC now. It’s destroyed mine and my family’s life. There was nothing at all wrong with me when l caught it.

This post is going to divide opinions.

I refuse to take covid tests so i wouldn't have tested in your situation.

I wouldn’t go, it’s selfish when you know (regardless of what the groom, your dp, your friends think) that you have covid which is contagious and could cause someone else to be unwell.

Just go!!! You won't be kissing anyone will you?

But why did you test though?

If my friend advised me to buy one I'd just give her a strange look and ask which year she thinks she's living in.

I hate the 'it's just a cold' responses from some people. It may just be a cold for you and for the OP. For me the last couple of times I've had it, it's 6 days of fever and a 4 week recovery time. It really floors me. For others, it's complications, long covid, even death. There were 850 hospitql adnissions due to covid last week. For others it means they might have to avoid immuno compromised relatives. I wouldn't do it, even if the groom doesn't give a shit about all his guests. And the 'someone else will probably have it' argument may be true. But doing something shit because someone else probably will anyway, isn't any kind of valid moral argument (I may as well shag a married man, he is going to cheat anyway so may as well be me' type argument)

I thought it was a post from 2021! And I was wondering “why is someone reviving that?”. Op, for goodness sake, of course you must go, if you were invited to my wedding and used the Covid excuse you wouldn’t be my friend any more. STOP TESTING !

I honestly find it so strange the way people here are so cool with willingly getting others, potentially those who are high-risk, sick.

I didn't even know you could still get covid tests and honestly it would never occur to me to do one!!

The groom is a bad person.

Plenty of us still test regularly. Covid isn’t over for those of us with high risk family members.

whether it’s Covid, the flu, or any other contagious illness, it has always been rude to knowingly spread it to others and it will always be rude to knowingly spread it to others. Covid should have helped people realize that, but most went right back to being selfish

I think it comes down to moral judgement, there is a very good chance that you will pass it to someone. There’s also a chance that other guests already have it. Thing is you know you have a virus which is infectious and to some people can be quite debilitating so you have a choice to make. I’d stay at home, I find weddings boring when you don’t know the couple.

I wouldn't go but that's because my adult dc is immunocompromised but doesn't really tell people (as that would open up a big medical history that's private). Dc cant have the covid vaccination as had a severe reaction to it. Its not just the elderly who you could infect. I feel if you know then you should take moral responsibility and avoid contact with others.

You should have thought about what a positive test would mean and your decision then.

also why are you seemingly incapable of making your own decisions.
your friend says to get a test do you do, you wanted the groom to decide for you whether to attend and now you want mumsnet to split the vote because you still can’t decide.

ultimately you have to:
a) decide how you feel, are you feeling too poorly to attend? If yes then don’t go. Sucks for your partner and the B&G but can’t be helped
b) if not too poorly then what is more important to? The opinions of the groom and your partner or your friend?

Same. But even then it's a bit of an extreme step - nobody cares about covid any more. They'd just think you were weird.

Well you’re not going to get a definitive answer on here clearly! I presume you were planning on going away for the weekend since you said you were travelling there? So go with your partner for the weekend and test just before the wedding, see how you are feeling and decide from there. If you are still strongly positive and/or don’t feel well then have a relaxing day in bed while your partner goes to the wedding.

If you’re not feeling too ill then there’s a chance you’ll be clear by then anyway.

If you’d not tested and just felt as if you had a light cold I assume you would have gone @Raveien and not thought twice. Now that you’ve tested that puts a different slant on it and in your shoes I wouldn’t go. I honestly wouldn’t have thought to do a covid test though.

It’s great to hear that this service is still available @Sirzy . Do they test for flu and RSV etc or just covid?

Interestingly it’s recently been announced that NHS staff will only be offered flu jabs this autumn, not covid, for the first time since 2020 so I think there is likely to be more covid in circulation this winter.