Torn on attending a wedding with a positive covid test

[Raveien]

Hello All,

Just looking for advice really, I've been feeling under the weather with cold symptoms after going to a festival and I did a covid test today and its positive. My partner has done a test and is negative. We're both due to travel up country tomorrow, for a wedding on Saturday. I don't know the couple, I am meant to be meeting them for the first time during this wedding. My partner has another covid test that he'll take tomorrow.

I had my partner message the groom to let him know, and he's said for both of us to come anyways, and to just not make a big song and dance for testing positive, he's said about 90 people are going and the chances of someone else having it, irregardless of me, is quite high. My partner will still go without me, I think, but has said he'll be sad without me there, and is of the opinion that if the groom is fine with it, I should still go. But of course, there could be people in attendance who are vulnerable.

However I feel really torn, because my best friend has said she'll be really disappointed in me if I go, and that I don't know these people, so technically I won't be missing out on much - which is true. She said if I was asymptomatic that would be different, but I do have common cold symptoms, but they are manageable with cold and flu medicine.

Just seeking some advice really, if the groom had of said 'she can't come with covid' it would have been so much easier, but now I'm torn between my partner and the groom saying to come, and my best friend saying it would be the wrong thing to do. Would it be unreasonable for me to still go?

Doesn’t seem to have much impact on people catching it, spreading it and having complications. The vaccines wear off. Lots of fit, healthy and vaccinated people are developing long covid.

I caught covid years after 2020, as a healthy person I ended up in hospital and now have LC . I have had to retire from clinical work , give up many of my interests and learn to pace myself . I also have permanent neurological damage .

On holiday this year I felt unwell , tested positive for covid and isolated in a caravan . Holidaying with me were people who had just finished chemo , immunosuppressed people , and two other people with long covid and that’s just what I know . Other than the person in the wheelchair you would never know these people were at risk .

Just as I would isolate if I had diarrhoea or vomiting for 24 hours after last episode , or if I had impetigo or chicken pox or flu etc I would isolate for covid . Strangely enough I feel I don’t have the right to make others ill.

Covid or no covid, what’s the appeal of going to the wedding of some randos you've never met while you’re not feeling well? I can’t imagine that being in the least bit enjoyable. I’d rather snuggle up in front of the tv with a hot drink.

At a wedding there’s more likely to be older relatives there, and relatives who are immunocompromised who have made the effort to turn up.

I think they should be informed there’s someone who is Covid positive coming, so they can decide for themselves whether they want to attend or not, perhaps ask to sit in a garden seat.

If the groom genuinely thinks that there's no issue with you attending the wedding with Covid, why has he specifically asked you to keep it quiet and not mention it to other guests?

You were obviously concerned enough to do a Covid test when most people probably wouldn't bother. You've taken the test, it's positive, don't go.

I am going to a wedding on Saturday taking my elderly mum. If you are there and infect her she could die. Chances of the same wedding are slim but not zero. How selfish.

I have no words.
Well maybe a couple.
Ignorant. Selfish.

How thick and ignorant.

What a load of scaremongering! It's a mild virus that countless people have these days without testing and there is no ban on mixing, the world has thankfully moved on since 2020. The vulnerable will have been vaccinated and if they're that medically vulnerable to a viral infection then they shouldn't be going to large gatherings of people. Go and enjoy the wedding.

This. It doesn't matter whether it's covid or something else (and it being covid has made it into a red herring where people fall over themselves to say it doesn't matter any more). The point isn't that it's covid, it's that people who go to busy events when they're ill are selfish.

("But what about if you have a job where you have to go in when you're ill or you can't afford to live?" That's a failure of capitalism and you have to weigh up your need to survive financially with the moral thing and in that instance it's understandable but there are lots of instances where that obviously does not apply and therefore the majority should do the right thing to make the impact of those who have to make that choice smaller.

"Do you really think everyone should just stay at home if they're infectious with anything?" Ideally, where practically possible - which it obviously is here - yes.

"Nobody dies from a cold." That you know, maybe. But my best friend is immunocompromised and an infection of any kind absolutely could kill her. She is far from the only person that's true for.

"Why should I have to stay at home to cater to a small subsection of people who might be immunocompromised" I don't know how to teach you to be a good person sorry. Also it's not just whether it can kill people but whether or not other people will suffer/be ill on any level. Having covid can be miserable, saving other people from that is still a good thing to do.

"Everyone's too soft nowadays" Let's put lead back in the paint shall we? Really go the whole hog)

You shouldn't go. If I went somewhere and found out later that another person there knew they had Covid, I'd be furious. Not for myself, but because I'm a carer for my frail, elderly parents.

My DD12 currently has Covid. I don’t even know what made me test she had a raging temperature that wasn’t budging and said eeeew the thought of food is
making me sick I was like huh!! I had some tests came up straight away. She was poorly Monday night all day Tuesday and even yesterday today she’s still coughing like mad to the point the neighbours made a comment about her bad cough. Temp is gone but she’s now very clammy sweating it out. She missed her first day at high school but when I spoke to them they don’t want her in at all this week. She still have a strong positive today. It’s up to you though. Xxx

Covid and other viruses like flu and rsv, can be very serious for some people. The issue with covid is that it is unpredictable. Mild in one person, ravaging another seemingly randomly. Regardless of knowing you have Covid, surely, at the very least, the courteous thing is to stay away and recover at home. Illness is not about you. It is about protecting others. This is someone's wedding fgs.

No way would I go. You say there will be 90 people there, so there's a high chance that would include people who are immunocompromised, elderly or otherwise vulnerable.

It's one thing spreading Covid or flu unintentionally, but you know you have it, so you would be knowingly spreading illness among the wedding guests.

The groom sounds pretty stupid by the way.

Of course considering vulnerable people is the most important thing here.

But as another (less important) perspective I wouldn’t want to make the bride and groom poorly for their honeymoon.

Plus I wouldn’t be much fun to be around if I was feeling ill.

It’s not for the 1 in 10 that develop long Covid. Most of them fit, healthy…

Everybody has a 10% chance of developing LC with each infection (and the risk increases with every infection).

I hadn’t had so much as a cold for about a year before I got LC. You can even get it after an asymptomatic or mild infection. Women in their 40s ar the group most affected. Being healthy won’t protect you. It’s not just the vulnerable who are at risk.

Imagine ruining their honeymoon!

When the other guests start conversations by asking how you are, will you tell them you have Covid, or keep it quiet?

Yes because you can get ‘long cold’ 🙄. Have you even looked at any of the evidence coming out about long covid? Thought not.

No, you shouldn't go if you have covid. Very unfair on others, no matter what the groom says.

I work in respiratory medicine. COVID is not like the common cold now.

Educate yourself or be quiet.

Go up, test on Saturday morning- stay in if positive/ feeling shit

A lady I work with had it a couple of weeks ago, she came into work every day and didn't pass it on to anyone else. If you feel well enough, go to the wedding. If you feel rubbish, stay home.

I don't see the point in testing if you are going to spread it anyway.