Torn on attending a wedding with a positive covid test

[Raveien]

Hello All,

Just looking for advice really, I've been feeling under the weather with cold symptoms after going to a festival and I did a covid test today and its positive. My partner has done a test and is negative. We're both due to travel up country tomorrow, for a wedding on Saturday. I don't know the couple, I am meant to be meeting them for the first time during this wedding. My partner has another covid test that he'll take tomorrow.

I had my partner message the groom to let him know, and he's said for both of us to come anyways, and to just not make a big song and dance for testing positive, he's said about 90 people are going and the chances of someone else having it, irregardless of me, is quite high. My partner will still go without me, I think, but has said he'll be sad without me there, and is of the opinion that if the groom is fine with it, I should still go. But of course, there could be people in attendance who are vulnerable.

However I feel really torn, because my best friend has said she'll be really disappointed in me if I go, and that I don't know these people, so technically I won't be missing out on much - which is true. She said if I was asymptomatic that would be different, but I do have common cold symptoms, but they are manageable with cold and flu medicine.

Just seeking some advice really, if the groom had of said 'she can't come with covid' it would have been so much easier, but now I'm torn between my partner and the groom saying to come, and my best friend saying it would be the wrong thing to do. Would it be unreasonable for me to still go?

The headline figures are quite clear but as the population as a whole aren’t now testing it’s only a snapshot . During the pandemic the individual hospital data was more interesting in seeing where the worst outbreaks were and how hospitals needed to move patients to other areas of the country where there were resources lower cases and hospitals with some (limited) capacity

It’s a snapshot, but so tiny, it’s a useless one. That won’t even reflect anywhere near the true number of staff with it working in hospitals.

You did the right thing OP. The groom might have been happy about the risk, but he cannot speak for everyone else you would come into contact with. It isn't just about the absolute health risk, but also spoiling other people's plans (holidays/ life events etc) if they catch covid and have to miss out.

Good job you posted here OP. You must be very clear on what to do now 😂

oh, sorry, think it’s passed now anyway.

I’m not sure what wasn’t clear in my earlier post. But to clear up any misunderstanding:

I am immunocompromised (offered Covid vaccine in most recent round).

I wouldn’t test for Covid and so I wouldn’t know if a minor illness was Covid or not. If well enough, I would continue my life as usual and not take any special precautions.

I certainly would not expect anyone to take any special precautions for my benefit either. If I was concerned, I would take steps to protect myself. However, I would rather accept the risk and continue to live my life to the fullest extent possible.

Others may of course have different views, but I thought the viewpoint of an actual immunocompromised person might have been helpful to the OP.

It's the part where you wouldn't take any steps to protect others that is baffling. Being health compromised doesn't equate living life with impunity where others are concerned.

Maybe not, but Covid is endemic so it can’t be avoided. If you don’t want to take any risks, you have to take steps to protect yourself, not rely on others to do so.

What you call continuing to live your life to the fullest extent quite literally takes away other people's ability to live their lives. The people who are severely disabled or dead because people spread covid to them are going to have a hard time living life to the fullest....

I have a blue badge and get DLA - the Scottish version of PIP because of how long covid has left me disabled.

I used to be able to go to the shops on my own, walk round, do my shopping, go to the library and browse the shelves, walk the dogs, cook dinner almost every day, do housework and ironing etc. Now I can do none of that. I have to sit down to prepare the dogs’ food, and need a rest when I get back to my chair afterwards. Dh does all the cooking, laundry, ironing, unpacks the shopping and drives me to my one and only activity outside the house - knitting group - where he has to walk me into the venue to carry my knitting bag for me.

All this after having a milder dose of Covid - I’d had my first vaccination, and didn’t feel that ill (though I did drop my O2 levels and needed oxygen in hospital for a few days).

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius I'm so sorry 💐 😢

Flu also kills people, but most people don’t buy flu testing kits and refuse to attend events. A common cold could also kill someone who was vulnerable.

I certainly don't go out with flu and spread it to people. I don't go out and spread any kind of illnesses to people as if I am ill I stay home where possible and if I can't I wear a high quality mask so I don't spread my illness to people. Also comparing covid to a cold is like comparing a raindrop to a hurricane

If you had the flu, you wouldn’t be able to get out of bed let alone attend an event.

@itsachickeninnit - for me, what is different about Covid is how unpredictable it is. It can make some healthy, fit people really ill, but not others. You can have what feels like a milder dose, and still end up disabled by long covid. It really is just a mild cold for some people, but a killer for others, and it isn’t necessarily the elderly or vulnerable who are worst hit by it, whereas it is my understanding that flu, when it does kill, is killing mainly elderly, vulnerable or immunocompromised people.

I do accept that my views are coloured by my own experience - it was scary ending up in hospital with falling O2 levels, and long COVID has literally taken away most of my life - but we haven’t had a world wide pandemic of flu or colds, killing so many people for decades, but the covid pandemic and everything that happened during it, is still green in my memory, and maybe that has made me more wary of covid than I am of flu or colds.

I’ve been musing that it’s as though Covid is designed to be mild - so everyone goes out and spreads it. Then some people have issues and many, as we see go on to get long covid, even healthy people with a mild case.

I’ve come to realise it’s a very unique virus. And is quite vascular in nature (hence causing issues with people’s hearts and autonomic nervous systems). Colds don’t do this. They are very respiratory in nature.

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius I’m so sorry your life has been affected in this way. You are right - it’s the unpredictability of the virus that is the issue. It’s not just the vulnerable who are now being affected. I’m not sure many people realise this yet.

Also, with flu. Most people will get it a maximum every 10 years or so. Immunity lasts and it’s not like people get flu multiple times a year. Immunity from Covid seems to wane quickly and it is mutating all the time..it’s also continually circulating, even in summer.

You can have flu very mildly or asymptomatically.

Doesn’t seem to cause issues if you do have it mildly or asymptomatically. Whereas you can have a mild case of Covid and still get long covid.

I’ve had flu twice in my life (I’m 49). I’ve had Covid 3 times in 4 years…and it’s only been around 5 years. Had 3 vaccinations and perfectly healthy (well I was!).

I don’t know if it does or not. That was just in reply to someone who said people would know if they had flu. Sorry you have long covid too. On paper I wasn’t vulnerable, but my mild covid infection ripped life as I knew it away. I wonder if the person who passed it on knew, but decided to take a chance on turning another family’s lives upside down anyway. I wonder if they worried their child would miss a fun afternoon ant school and didn’t think about all the fun things my kids have missed as their previously active mum is mainly housebound now.

Shirking one's social responsibility is reprehensible.

Sorry you’ve been hugely affected too.

I hope that people soon understand that even mild infections can cause huge, long term problems in healthy people.