Mum says IABU using some of DD’s bits for baby boy due soon

[baby2incoming]

Hi everyone

I’m not going to drip feed so I’ll preface this by saying my Mum and I have a difficult relationship mostly, we are complete opposites in terms of personality and we’ve always clashed however she is a good Nan to DD and they have a great relationship so I stay civil for DD’s sake.

DD is 2, I’m due in 3 weeks with a baby boy.

Mum came over yesterday and I had his clothes and muslins etc drying ready to pack away and fill hospital bag.

Mum noticed that I had some pink muslins hanging to dry and asked me why as my 2yo no longer uses them, I said I was using for DS when he’s born (I have about 5 that aren’t stained and in perfect condition so they’ve been stored in case we ever had more). She told me I was ridiculous and couldn’t use pink muslins for a baby boy, I asked why and she got argumentative telling me people will assume he’s a girl bla bla, I explained I don’t really care to be honest, it’s to cover his neck if he dribbles milk/mop up any milky sick/swaddle him if it’s too hot for him to be swaddled in a blanket. She wasn’t happy and insisted she was going shopping to buy him some boy appropriate ones (what even is this?! He’s a baby for goodness sake). I have also topped up and bought some blue and white ones, I used to go through about 4 a day with DD as she was a sicky baby.

She then proceeded to ask me if that’s “all the babygrows and vests that I have for him and no outfits”. We’ve got 14 babygrows, 14 vests and 3 hats each in 3 different sizes (newborn mostly up to 8lb, up to 1 month mostly up to 11lbs and 0-3 months). We haven’t bought any outfits as DD’s were wasted, she was a May baby and lived in vests and babygrows for the first 3 months as it was what was most comfortable for her. I ended up giving most of her outfits away brand new with labels to the local mother and baby unit.

She is also aghast that we are reusing DD’s Moses basket (plain white and wicker), we’ve replaced the little mattress as like I said DD was a sicky baby so the mattress is fresh. I also haven’t bought a new changing mat or swing seat.

I ended up in tears last night to DH feeling guilty towards DS, I think hormones don’t help. DH told me to absolutely ignore her and if I did want to go and buy some new stuff like a new Moses basket then let’s do it as he didn’t want me upset, I don’t want to, we are fine for money so that’s not a factor I just would rather save it for days out etc rather than buy a load of stuff we’ve already got that’s in perfect condition.

Any advice on how to handle this? Am I wrong for reusing? This is 100% our last baby so once he’s grown out of all of this, it’ll all be going to charity anyway. Should I be buying more blue things?

Your mother is being utterly ridiculous
most people reuse baby things.
politely tell her to stop nagging and your happy reusing the baby bits and her going on is upsetting you

Don’t be bullied by her. Make it clear it’s up to you. He’s your baby. Don’t feel bad at all. It’s entirely up to you what you do. No baby is going to know or care the colour of outfits etc as long as they are comfortable. There will always be some people (as you’ve realised) that think everything must be new. But why? Why waste money? Plus saving the planet and all that. Most people I know would be re-using equipment and clothes etc. It’s nice to have a few new things for a new baby, but you’ve probably got a few things anyway. Or likely will be bought them anyway.

There’s seven and a half years between my two girls and second child used the old car seat (it was still in date), and everything else (except crib mattress) as I’d stored it for so bloody long (didn’t want a big gap) it had to be used. For dd1 I did buy quite a lot from the boys section as I thought our second may be a boy and I like dinosaurs, so just got whatever I liked. Both babies were generally assumed to be boys whether they were wearing purple, a bit of pink or navy.

Your mother is crazy. Next time give her an eye roll and tell her not be so ridiculous.

You are absolutely fine and she's being rediculous.

She is being ridiculous. I re-used everything like cot / pram / moses basket (got new mattress for both as you’re supposed to with each new baby), sheets, baby grows etc. It wouldn’t have bothered me to use pink / blue for different sex babies. Let her spend her money if she wants, she is crazy for thinking a baby will care what colour its muslin is! I’d try and keep anything relating to baby limited if she’s only going to make comment. My mum was a bit like that and interfering with my oldest who I had when I was still living at home. It was refreshing having no 2 and 3 250 miles away!

She’s being ridiculous and I think you shouldn’t see her again until the baby is at least a few weeks old

I disagree with those saying it’s too long. It’s fine.

😂 My DD is ten and still wears DS’s hand me down school uniform as she likes wearing trousers. It’s a waste otherwise.

Tell her you’re doing it for the good of the planet!

Excellent message.

Your DM is being ridiculous and incredibly wasteful. Tell her my very healthy 17 year old slept in a hand me down Moses basket after a friend’s 3 DC had finished with it. I passed it back and she gave it to another family. I bought a new mattress and bedding for it, but why on earth would you say no to a good quality item?

You stick to your guns as if the baby cares, ignore her, tell her she is being ridiculous and if she wants to buy new things let her waste her money !

YANBU. If items are still in good condition it helps the environment to reuse them rather than buy loads more unnecessary items. Just do what makes you feel comfortable and try and look at the silver lining - granny’s indignation will probably mean lots of freebies for your new baby!

Snap! My poor DD was often mistaken for a boy when she was wearing her older brother’s blue winter all-in-one. (My DM bought her the pinkest, girliest hat she could wear with the all-in-one.) It was in prefect condition as were a lot of his babygros etc. We used all our baby equipment again. Couldn’t afford to go out and buy all new. Then I passed lot of stuff to my sister, so it got used again. Why waste money?

I think it’s too long too. I just zoned out. I wouldn’t even bother with a message about it. I would just leave it as an exercise that made you feel better but don’t send. I’d then wait until next time she says something and say ‘thank you for sharing that’ and change the subject. Just do that every single time. If she buys you new things just say ‘thank you’ and change the subject.

She is going to think she is right, she won’t see your perspective and sending that message may well just put her back up. You don’t want to be falling out with your mum at this stage when you’ll be needing her support.

I see from your latest update that other PP have gently given your head a wobble and helped you realise your mum is perhaps a little old fashioned is the politest way to word it lol DS will grow very quickly and will likely spit up and / or poonami over a lot of clothes so yeah I wouldn't waste money on a load of new outfits that he will either wear for an hour or two or indeed not at all, but you already know this from loving your DD for the past couple of years.
The ONLY question you need to ask yourself at this stage is; is this safe for baby? You don't need to care about what colour it is or if its got fairies or dinosaurs on it, be that clothing or equipment, as long as its safe that is the only consideration you need.
Muslins as you know are the lifeline for parents in those first few weeks and the only thing you are going to give a shiny shit about in the moment is if the one nearest to you that you can grab is clean, you are not going to be thinking about what colour it is.
Finally let's be honest, our babies are adorable and the cutest babies EVER to have been born and in our eyes its obvious what genitalia they have from just glancing at their face but truthfully? Line up 10 babies all dressed in white baby grows in a row, then ask strangers to say which have girl bits and which have boy bits and the majority will be guessing given its a 50/50 chance of being right! You'll likely be telling any strangers you interact with that hes a boy once you realise they are dancing around deliberately not saying he or she!!

How wasteful it would be to buy everything again just because they are the 'wrong' colour!

I have two boys but they have worn plenty of pink clothes, floral (reusable) nappies, purple toys. It's a shame that some people want to start the pink/blue divide from birth, when they are literally just colours.

I wonder if she would have strong opinions on the sorts of toys girls/boys can play with too

Sort of thing my mum would say
You have to try and ignore.. but irs hurtful etc. You do you. All your ideas are sensible:)

When my daughter was about 6 months old we took her to her grandpa's birthday party. Somebody asked whether she was a boy. When I said no he responded "Oh, I've been led to believe blue is for boys". She was indeed wearing navy blue... it was a dress covered in daisies. Some people are just idiots. Said child is now 3.5 and I literally bought her something from the boy's section yesterday - because she asked for it. A t-shirt with a digger on it. She loves construction vehicles but apparently girls aren't allowed them.

I'm now expecting number 2 and we will be reusing pretty much everything. It is another girl as it happens but I wouldn't have cared either way. A lot of what we have is gender neutral anyway to be fair - it was only other people who bought super girly things and most of those were entirely impractical for either gender (frills and lace for a tiny baby?!) so I only put them on her once for a photo.

I wouldn’t send the text.

My grandson was christened last weekend in the family christening robe which has been worn by girls and boys. He is third generation to wear it.

your mum is being bonkers. Ignore her and carry on using stuff you have.

I wouldn't send a text, I'd say it face to face. I had a girl second & used her brother's stuff as a new born. As others have said, babies don't care what colour they're wearing as long as they're comfortable and fed

Honestly sounds like your mother has lower class values in the worst possible way. Does she also worry about "what the neighbours will think"? I would ignore absolutely anything that flows from her mouth as utterly drivel. If she's a nice grandmother, I might smile and nnod, but ignore her opinion on anything.

Agree with this. The message won’t make a difference other than annoy/offend your mum (because that’s what she’s like) and then you’ll get wound up when she doesn’t reply or reacts badly. It’s not worth it.

Your mother is being ridiculous and sounds quite spiteful. I’d probably ensure that she keeps away from you as you don’t need the stress. Your DH sounds lovely.
Babies need clean comfy clothes and bedding and couldn’t care less what colour they are. Tell her that actually pink was originally a boy colour until med 20th century, and you’re resurrecting the tradition. Hopefully your DD will love it that he is reusing things that were hers. 👶 💖

Enjoy your new baby .

The world is literally dying due to consumerism / fast fashion etc. You are being kind to the world by reusing perfectly good things. We need to look after the world for our kids’ futures!

My second son has reflux and is constantly vomiting and if someone gave me a bright pink unicorn muslin I’d happily use it!

All sounds fine to me OP.

Totally understand not wanting to waste money if you already have things that you can use.