Mum says IABU using some of DD’s bits for baby boy due soon

[baby2incoming]

Hi everyone

I’m not going to drip feed so I’ll preface this by saying my Mum and I have a difficult relationship mostly, we are complete opposites in terms of personality and we’ve always clashed however she is a good Nan to DD and they have a great relationship so I stay civil for DD’s sake.

DD is 2, I’m due in 3 weeks with a baby boy.

Mum came over yesterday and I had his clothes and muslins etc drying ready to pack away and fill hospital bag.

Mum noticed that I had some pink muslins hanging to dry and asked me why as my 2yo no longer uses them, I said I was using for DS when he’s born (I have about 5 that aren’t stained and in perfect condition so they’ve been stored in case we ever had more). She told me I was ridiculous and couldn’t use pink muslins for a baby boy, I asked why and she got argumentative telling me people will assume he’s a girl bla bla, I explained I don’t really care to be honest, it’s to cover his neck if he dribbles milk/mop up any milky sick/swaddle him if it’s too hot for him to be swaddled in a blanket. She wasn’t happy and insisted she was going shopping to buy him some boy appropriate ones (what even is this?! He’s a baby for goodness sake). I have also topped up and bought some blue and white ones, I used to go through about 4 a day with DD as she was a sicky baby.

She then proceeded to ask me if that’s “all the babygrows and vests that I have for him and no outfits”. We’ve got 14 babygrows, 14 vests and 3 hats each in 3 different sizes (newborn mostly up to 8lb, up to 1 month mostly up to 11lbs and 0-3 months). We haven’t bought any outfits as DD’s were wasted, she was a May baby and lived in vests and babygrows for the first 3 months as it was what was most comfortable for her. I ended up giving most of her outfits away brand new with labels to the local mother and baby unit.

She is also aghast that we are reusing DD’s Moses basket (plain white and wicker), we’ve replaced the little mattress as like I said DD was a sicky baby so the mattress is fresh. I also haven’t bought a new changing mat or swing seat.

I ended up in tears last night to DH feeling guilty towards DS, I think hormones don’t help. DH told me to absolutely ignore her and if I did want to go and buy some new stuff like a new Moses basket then let’s do it as he didn’t want me upset, I don’t want to, we are fine for money so that’s not a factor I just would rather save it for days out etc rather than buy a load of stuff we’ve already got that’s in perfect condition.

Any advice on how to handle this? Am I wrong for reusing? This is 100% our last baby so once he’s grown out of all of this, it’ll all be going to charity anyway. Should I be buying more blue things?

Tell her to accept your decision and to but out and concentrate on important things in life like the mother of the baby not getting stressed out by unwanted jibes

Just tell her Mother, don't be so utterly ridiculous, he's a newborn, he has no idea what colours even are, never mind whether he's dressed on trend.

This.

She’s batshit

also he had a boy and then 2 girls. Used loads of the boys stuff on the girls. Blue blankets, green sleepsuits!!

I bought quite a few clothes from girls ranges for my boys and now I have a daughter she wears a lot of boys hand me downs from her brothers, your mum is ridiculous.

same and we will give it to brother and sister in law after

Ignore her.

The only clothes of my DD I didn’t put my DS in were her dresses, everything else I reused until he was about 4.

I have pictures of him in pink flowery vests, yellow trousers, girly sun hats, pink gingham pj’s, the lot. I didn’t give two hoots what people thought.

You are doing the right thing and your dm is being ridiculous. Does she think that if a stranger sees your baby and assumes he's a girl that's going to cause some sort of emotional trauma?

Please order this just to really piss her off for upsetting you! She'll be so confused by the unisex colouring.

www.kite-clothing.co.uk/products/dino-day-sleepsuit-multi-c-51?variant=55621604868480?utm_source=google&utm_medium=shopping&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign={campaignname}&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22436250457&gbraid=0AAAAADM8NavTeCE9hwCPxZ4mLAtCGh5vQ&gclid=CjwKCAjwkvbEBhApEiwAKUz6-3D6wC-ubqV_DHgV-cxE9OiAeNE2QrnQXHO1WaxobJXboRBZbNwbkxoCLiAQAvD_BwE

A lot of my things did 3 babies, same cot/crib/pram I did buy some more bedding for my 3rd because it was looking a little washed out.

when I had my first my mum bought me 1 blue and 1 pink baby grow. He was about 3 weeks old and wasn’t sleeping and well being a newborn, I just put him in the first thing my hands fell on - the pink one, did it matter no, did it effect his development no, he ended up wearing it a few times and so did his brother. I must admit I didn’t take them out in it.

i had my daughter last, and needless to say we went silly with pretty dresses, but she always looked cuter in her brothers dungarees

We were too poor, everything recycled. My friends and family gifted too for second baby.

Your mum sounds like she could have an argument in an empty room - if you had been out and replaced everything she'd have criticised you for not reusing perfectly good things.
There is literally no pleasing some people, don't let her silliness ruin your nesting - you sound like you're doing a great job.
ignore her, she's being a twat.

Tell your mother that as she is already DD’s grandmother you will be recruiting one for just your DS. Obviously they cannot share anything’s. Hope she doesn’t mind, you’ve a lovely local lady lined up.

You are sensible and right, and your mum is being ridiculous!

Don’t let her upset you. Just carry on exactly as you are doing.

"Dear mother - I have been mulling over what you said about the new baby needing new things in blue rather than anything his sister has worn. I guess you will object to my plan to continue to dress him in DDs hand me downs until he is old enough to buy his own clothes? I was looking forward to seeing him going to school in a dress".

Stupid I know, but no more so than your DM. Try not to take it too seriously. But its also ok to tell her its not ok for her to upset you like this. You take care, OP.

Bonkers but you know she is being batsh*t. I wouldn't waste your braincells being concerned about it.

Perhaps a way around it is to positively redirect her towards stuff you don't have?

I would ask her to hold fire until your son is here because
a) babies in the same family are often very differently sized
b) even when they are not, if born in different seasons they are completely the wrong size for the season of the garment.
c) winter clothes aren't in shops yet.

Would you like small baby hat and fleece lined mittens for example? A snowsuit? DC2 tend to be out and about a lot more in bad weather as you don't have much choice with a toddler to run around after.

I would also consider making a pointed comment that while you can see she is very excited to have a grandson on the way, the nature of the comments mean you are concerned that she is going to favour a grandson over her existing granddaughter...

I agree with this. My mum is like this too, it doesn't matter what I do, it's always wrong and she always knows the 'right' way to do it. It's bloody hard isn't it OP? I really wish I could have a lovely relationship with my mum but I can't.

Ignore her. Both my boys had a pink Moses basket handed down from dniece (with new mattresses each time). They are used for such a short space of time it would be such a waste to buy new each time.

Is this right @baby2incoming ? You're heavily pregnant, awash with hormones, tired and in need of support and your DM is upsetting you over babygros and muslin cloths? Tell her you're expecting a baby, not the line-up for Paris Fashion Week and what other people (especially strangers) think couldn't possibly be less relevant.

@baby2incoming tell her it's a waste of money. She is ridiculous. show her the thread and she can see she's in the minority. As for pink - it used to be THE colour for males in the past. She can look it up LOL

Has she always been a nasty manipulative cow? Ignore her.

She is being ridiculous. I have 2DDs and have reused a lot of the same clothes. Most were still in very good condition and my niece has also had great use out of them and sister in law has passed them on again.

I used used same next to me, swinging chair, steriliser, bath seat etc. It was all thoroughly cleaned and stored safely. Personally love seeing them in pics where they have both had the same outfit on and love it when sister in law sends pics of niece in the clothes.

Anything stained or scruffy went in the bin.

@baby2incoming

You're right & your mother is bonkers. Ignore her. 🤦‍♀️

Please ignore your mother, and try to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. Some of our baby stuff (mostly the particularly cute babygros in smaller sizes) ended up being used for my two, and their four cousins (the six of them are: girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, girl). Most baby clothes just don't get much use because they are grown out of so quickly. It was lovely to see our favourites coming round again, especially a cow print and the one we called 'Little Star', which was red with purple stars on it. Didn't cross my mind that some of the vests/ babygros might be gender specific, because neither I nor my SIL go in for that 'Mummy's Little Princess' stuff. Also... who buys a new Moses basket or swing for each baby? That would be madness. Can you imagine the waste, even with the six kids SIL and I have between us? All of them were singletons... obviously you'd have to have more than one set of new things if you had multiples.

I reused everything for DD (she has a brother 2 years older). She was clean and comfy so it didn’t really matter. She did get a few new items but most of the basic items were hand me downs.
Most stuff then got passed onto friends’ kids (boys and girls) and has now been used by 4 or 5 babies.

I actually regret not buying more stuff secondhand, apart from the car seat and mattress it really didn’t need to be new.

It saves you money and it’s better for the environment. I really wouldn’t give it any more thought (your son isn’t going to care if he sleeps in a floral sleepsuit or has dribble mopped up with a pink bib!)

Ignore her OP. I total agree re “outfits”. I only bought babygros/ Vests for mine for the first few months on the advice of my sister and he just lived in them. Ironically my sister herself bought him outfits that were completely impractical and he mostly to never wore due to being wrong size for the season.