Comment to air hostess

[Backfromthebrink]

Just arrived on holiday and I need the wise opinions of the Mumsnet community to help me decide if I’m being super unreasonable or if I’m right to feel pissed off.

On the plane off on holiday with my DH and DD9. Half way into the journey and the air hostess (think blonde, slim, attractive) comes down the aisle selling scratch cards, Prize being another holiday. She gets to our row and DH asks for x5 tickets and cheekily says “if I win, do you come too?” to the lady selling. I’m mortified and give her an apologetic look. She gives me a somewhat sympathetic look and I’m just feeling like the biggest dickhead.

I can’t bring myself to speak to my DH out of disgust and he laughs it off and makes me feel like I’m creating a drama for no reason. Feel so upset that he would humiliate me in front of my face.

Honest opinions please. Should I have laughed along or would you be fuming? Thank you!

I didn't say there was anything wrong with waiting staff. It's a job I've done myself. But they don't have anything like the same training as a flight attendant and it's ridiculous to suggest that they do.

I would have died of embarrassment and humiliation if my partner had said that not just in front of me but my kid as well. It’s the implication that you are this Olive type wife from On The Buses that is the boring, dowdy model that he’d rather trade in. It’s also not great male role modelling for the kid either is it?

I also think people are giving the OP a hard time over her terminology. She was clearly upset when writing her post. Having grown up in the 1970s my brain automatically thinks “air hostess” too, before I self correct. Mumsnet doesn’t let you edit after a few minutes either.

I think this is good. Humiliate him back.

I do think tears streaming down your face is an overreaction though

Why? She's clearly very hurt. OP if it means anything I would be so hurt. I'm very insecure though and I would find it extremely hurtful. I don't think you are being unreasonable. He's being very disrespectful to you, to her and clearly thinks a lot of himself!

Overtly flirting with someone when you are married and your wife is sitting next to you is wrong

Overtly flirting with someone while they are at work and have asked you a work related question, is wrong, because they can't respond how they'd probably like to (fuck off you sleazy old letch)

Not caring that your wife is upset by your behaviour (when most people would be upset or uncomfortable at best) and reversing it back on them for being 'unable to take a joke' or telling them they're over reacting is wrong, and gas-lighting slightly abusive behaviour.

These are the terms used by people who do the job. I shared a flat with a flight attendant in the 1990s and even then she didn’t like being called an air hostess.

I also think people are giving the OP a hard time over her terminology.

I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it but it's a bit hypocritical to be upset at a misogynistic comment but then use misogynistic terminology yourself. I know his comment is in a different league but it's the little things that can make a difference in changing attitudes. It's surprising how many people on this thread still think it's an acceptable term.

Nothing to do with gender politics. The terms flight attendant and cabin crew have been used within the industry for decades because ‘hostess’ has sexist connotations.

of course you can use whatever term you like, and people know what you mean.

I feel for you, OP. I know some women would be able to laugh that off, but I couldn't. On a holiday as well! You have every right to be upset.

I'm wondering if you raise it as calmly as you can, would he do the decent thing and apologise? At least you could then try to brush yourself off and move forward.

He sounds out of order to say the least! I think if hes not usually like this,he may just think its an ill timed joke .Maybe not realising you would be upset.On holiday people let their hair down /Realistically shes a slim blonde which is part of the job requirement presumably .To flirt with customers and get them to buy tickets .Please dont upset yourself ,its a throwaway comment .He sounds tactless .

Honestly, the OP is on holiday right now, and upset right now - and you've decided to turn this into a discussion on gender politics.

Yes and that hasnt stopped men now doing the job 🤷‍♀️

This is pretty grim. Also really sad that this is the sort of behaviour he is modelling to his son.

Is he normally like this or was it out of character?

Used within the industry but not by members of the public. Takes time for things to change. Some people decide they dont like it, takes a long time for word to get around the general population that we arent supposed to use the word anymore.

Yes flight attendant does sound more exciting but tbf they aren't attending the flight they are serving the customers and there's nothing wrong with that.

That was very lame and naff of him but no reflection on you whatsoever. I would have second-hand embarrassment rather than be humiliated.

It is the kind of thing my FIL (who has been happily married for 63 years) would say thinking he was being witty and not getting how inappropriate it is on many levels. He is the kind of bloke who clicks his fingers in restaurants...

I'd not have thought massively about that TBH.
Along the lines of when I buy a lottery ticket or scratch card and either say "If I win, I'll share" or am asked "Will you share if you win the millions". To and from either gender.
There are certainly far greater problems in life. And I'm not one for minimising misogyny, but this one's one where you really would have to look intensely to find it.

I would have cringed and teased my DH about the comment but crying about it is a bit OTT. My Dad is still a creepy old bloke who thinks he's funny with his cheeky chappy inappropriate comments, doesn't make it right, but nothing my Mum would've divorced him over 60 years ago. Men are just childish and think they are funny. Just move on don't let it spoil your holiday.

We don't know if it was the last straw maybe other behaviour had added to this.

Sometimes peoppe do burst into tears over stuff that seems irrelevant to others but we don't know the bigger picture.

I would have been annoyed but not embarrased.
I would have loudly said "don't be such a Dick" and then me and the Teens would have taken the piss mercilessly for the entire holiday.
Don't be upset, be angry

Realistically shes a slim blonde which is part of the job requirement presumably.

@dottiedodah Are you for real with this?!

Jesus Christ. It's always 'a joke' isn't it? And you 'can't take a joke'. So it then makes it your fault. What a total, utter wanker.

Are you trying to be patronising? It's not about making the job sound more exciting, it's about recognising the full extent of what is involved. Which you clearly have no clue about...

Jesus, it’s like something from a Carry On film. I would be upset too. And seriously pissed off.

So … servants then?