Lied to boyfriend about STD. I feel have so much guilt

[wheresamy]

I initially posted this on the relationships board but only 1 person replied. I know there’s more traffic here.

I’m probably going to get some nasty comments, and honestly I can’t blame anyone if they do. I’m 31 now, but back in my early 20s, I had unprotected sex with someone who gave me HPV. I ended up with genital warts, had them removed, and had one flare up a year later, but since then it’s been clear for at least 7-8 years. I haven’t had sex in over 5 years, so I haven’t had to discuss this with anyone.

Recently, I had a smear test, and they found HPV in my sample so I need to go back for another test in 12 months. About two weeks later, I met my current boyfriend, and I didn’t tell him. I didn’t mention it because HPV is so common, and I haven’t had a flare up in a long time.

It’s been weighing on me though. I’ve felt so guilty, so I decided to tell him today. I didn’t mention the warts, just talked about the recent smear test. He asked if I knew about it before we met, and I lied and said no. He was so lovely about it, saying it was okay, that I couldn’t have known and it was just a freak accident. He even said he wouldn’t mind if he got it since it’s very common, but still, I lied.

I feel awful with guilt, and I’m not sure how to move forward knowing I’ve lied. I’m head over heels in love with this man, and I know he might leave me if I tell him the truth, but I’m not sure I can keep going like this. I don’t think he will ever trust or look at me the same way again if I tell him. The crazy thing is I believe he would have stayed with me even if I had been honest. Now, I think he might leave because I lied. I’m so angry at myself.

I’m suppose to see him on the weekend and I’m not sure if I can look him in the eye. What do I do

EVERYONE ON THIS THREAD PROBABLY HAS HPV !!!

that felt better thank you.

Pretty much everyone who has had sex who is about your age has had HPV. You are not vile or deplorable.

This!!!

I would get this thread removed OP. There’s so much misinformation and scaremongering. HPV is just a virus. It shows up as abnormal cells in your cervix during smear tests, it usually clears by itself. Most of the population have had, do have hpv. You do not need to use condoms, HPV is transmitted in bodily fluids, including kissing.

Those who are ‘OMG, CRAZY’ need to research HPV and get a grip!

Well a good proportion anyway !

I expect when it's found they'll all have a mental breakdown thinking their partner has been unfaithful and there'll be a few divorces. Maybe even a few trips to Scotland to drag them to court.

Isn't it scary how misinformation can whip up a frenzy?

You’ve had HPV related cervical cancer but would be more worried about HSV, which is nothing more than a minor skin condition? I’d pick herpes over cancer any day! 😳

Yes!

The op should have told him that she had a positive HPV result before they had sex without a condom.
Neither of them should have had unprotected sex in any case.

Oh FFS. Will you stop it. GENITAL WARTS IS NOT HSV!!!!!!!!!!!

But the greatest majority of people with hpv don't get cancer. It's just unlucky that some of us don't fight off the virus so we'll. Seeing as about 80% of people have hpv at some time in their lives then the people who do get hpv related cancers is very low

Op I urge you to please get this thread removed for your sake and all the frightening misinformation that's taking place spouted as facts which could have devastating consequences for people's lives/relationships/mental health if believed.

He had unprotected sex too. You could have caught something from him.

Genital warts are not from hpv

I’m not trying to argue in any way, but they are from the HPV virus. A quick google search will tell you that. HSV is herpes.

Exactly. 2 different things.

You do NOT have warts anay more, chill, forget about it and move on.

You do have HPV, most of the people on this thread telling you to be ashamed have it too, they just dont know it.

Genital warts are from HPV but not the strain of HPV that's tested for on smear and can cause cancer. They're unrelated.

Not the same type of hpv that causes cancer though

@SquishedMallow I will ask for it to be taken down. I’m sorry if this has upset anyone x

You’re incorrect. From the NHS website (see screenshot attached once approved).

Like others have said, the lack of understanding around HPV is blowing my mind. It is widely contested as to whether it should be considered an STD given most people have it. Condoms don’t fully prevent it anyway given you can it from any kind of sexual connection/touch. And I am a big advocate for condoms all the time for anyone not trying to conceive.

OP - obviously lying isn’t good and you feel awful, but in the nicest possible way, your options are to come clean with him or get over it. I too had warts at 17 after getting HPV from my ex. I was mortified at the time, but the nurse who treated me was so clear that this is very common. I have been with my husband since I was 19 and I don’t think I ever told him I had HPV before I met him. He knows since as I have yearly smears and it’s come up multiple times - in reality, he probably has it too, we just don’t know as he doesn’t have smear tests. Now I am older I am a huge advocate for communication and safe sex, but everyone makes mistakes. It’s how you handle the mistakes that counts.

Lord, people this isn’t hard

HPV is human papillomavirus. Causes genital warts, cervical and genital cancers, etc. Different strains for each. Still HPV

Herpes is HSV. Type 1 can cause oral and genital herpes, Type 2 is usually restricted to the genital area only, but not always. This is due to the nerve endings it “lives” in being located in different areas of the body. HSV cannot be cleared, it can become latent but you will always have it.

Not in any way the same thing.

Ive had HPV causing cell changes. It cleared.

i still have HSV 2, it never clears. Stuck with that one. I always tell any possible partner before any contact.

Done, that is all

HIV is the only STD that has been criminalised. That’s it. You cannot, would not and will not ever get a prosecution for any other STD, I promise you. It is not a crime to have an STD, and it is not a crime to have consensual sex.

l HPV doesn’t even qualify as a proper STD as it can be contracted through non-sexual contact, can be contracted from pretty much anyone at any time as post people will never know they have it, and does not cause immediate harm.

Epstein-Barr is an onco-virus - it causes Lymphoma. Over 90% of the population have it. Are you disclosing that to every person you’ve ever kissed?

You’ve did a quick google search and have zero idea what the application of law actually is. HPV cannot be prosecuted, ever. You’d be laughed out the office.

I would ask for this thread to be deleted because there’s so much incorrect information being posted on here. There’s people who don’t even know what virus causes warts and are confusing them with herpes.

If you want actual medical advice on what the risks are to your partner as you know you carry HPV as per your smear test (and it’s possible you also carry another type which has previously given you genital warts) I’d probably advise you call you local sexual health clinic and ask to speak to a Doctor who specialises in this stuff. It’s important to understand the risks to your partner as yes, he MAY also carry HPV as lots of people do (important to note your immune system can clear it, hence the retest in 12 months!!) but just get real medical advice.

Yes I know that now (thanks to people on this thread who have been extremely helpful and supportive)

Of course it is low, but you being someone who actually had it I find it odd you’re more concerned about a virus that is essentially completely harmless compared to one that can, and does, cause a potentially fatal illness.

I have learned something on this thread too so don’t delete it.