Lied to boyfriend about STD. I feel have so much guilt

[wheresamy]

I initially posted this on the relationships board but only 1 person replied. I know there’s more traffic here.

I’m probably going to get some nasty comments, and honestly I can’t blame anyone if they do. I’m 31 now, but back in my early 20s, I had unprotected sex with someone who gave me HPV. I ended up with genital warts, had them removed, and had one flare up a year later, but since then it’s been clear for at least 7-8 years. I haven’t had sex in over 5 years, so I haven’t had to discuss this with anyone.

Recently, I had a smear test, and they found HPV in my sample so I need to go back for another test in 12 months. About two weeks later, I met my current boyfriend, and I didn’t tell him. I didn’t mention it because HPV is so common, and I haven’t had a flare up in a long time.

It’s been weighing on me though. I’ve felt so guilty, so I decided to tell him today. I didn’t mention the warts, just talked about the recent smear test. He asked if I knew about it before we met, and I lied and said no. He was so lovely about it, saying it was okay, that I couldn’t have known and it was just a freak accident. He even said he wouldn’t mind if he got it since it’s very common, but still, I lied.

I feel awful with guilt, and I’m not sure how to move forward knowing I’ve lied. I’m head over heels in love with this man, and I know he might leave me if I tell him the truth, but I’m not sure I can keep going like this. I don’t think he will ever trust or look at me the same way again if I tell him. The crazy thing is I believe he would have stayed with me even if I had been honest. Now, I think he might leave because I lied. I’m so angry at myself.

I’m suppose to see him on the weekend and I’m not sure if I can look him in the eye. What do I do

I think a lot of people are missing the point here - the OP doesn’t feel guilty about having HPV. The poor guy asked her if she knew before they met and she lied, saying she didn’t.

That’s shady and I know for certain that if the OP posted here saying her new boyfriend had lied about something similar, there would be 20 “LTB, this is where it begins” comments.

This may be helpful: ‘The types of HPV that can cause genital warts are not the same as the types that can cause cancer.’

https://www.cdc.gov/cancer/hpv/basic-information.html

ETA - Just realised lots of people have already said this.

Did you both have STD tests before ditching condoms?

You shouldn't have lied or hidden it from him - that's totally out of order.

What if you got pregnant?

It’s not worth the risks. Honestly it sounds like you actually like this guy. Just suggest you both go for a full set of sti tests together and move on.

Look after your health woman x x

You have to go easier on yourself. If you’d had a smear two weeks later than you did, you would have had no idea. You’re not actively hiding lesions all over your genitals - it’s a virus, not a moral judgment. I honestly wish people wouldn’t call this an STD, it just stigmatises it. It can be passed sexually, yes, but also in other ways too. It’s so so common.

He knows you have HPV now. In future, don’t lie. But otherwise, it’s done now, try to move on.

Omg

No , I was scared only of HPV - until HIV came about

At that time the only STD known about that couldn't be treated was Herpes ( as it was known then - HPV now ) Then came HIV - that's when we all condomed up and started to look after our sexual health

Didn't you post about this a few weeks ago before you had sex with him?
Or am I miss-remembering the previous thread?

People actively conceive with HPV infections and THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. It doesn’t affect the baby or the mother. The body will likely clear it after birth.

The utter lack of any actual understanding of this virus on this thread is eye watering.

Op just tell him and say you’re sorry, nothing more you can do but it is likely he will go. It will eat you up if you don’t tell him. Please do learn from this it is so so wrong

Herpes is HSV. HPV is a different virus.

I’ve just found out from this thread that the smear test only checks for HPV types linked to cancer, which is somewhat of a relief because I thought it was linked to the warts I had years ago. It's still not great, but at least it's not connected to the warts.

I was aware of the HPV infection as I got the letter two weeks before I met him. The letter arrived at the end of May, and I met him in mid June. What’s bothering me is that he asked if I knew about the HPV infection beforehand, and I lied and said no. That’s what I’m struggling with :(

PLEASE CAN PEOPLE ON THIS THREAD STOP CONTINUING TO SPREAD MISINFORMATION. HPV FOUND ON CERVICAL SCREENING IS NOT THE GENITAL WARTS VIRUS.

I assume you aren't in Scotland, as you could be prosecuted for what you have done even if he didn't become infected.

You knowingly put this man at risk of a know STD and you just feel "guilty". He has every right to try and have you charged elsewhere in the UK and might be successful with a good solicitor.

I know it’s a shitty thing. I don’t expect any sympathy.

Isn't it just !!!! (And I've got no skin in the game!!)

No she couldn’t and that is dangerous misinformation to spread. The only STD that’s remotely prosecutable is HIV.

I haven’t got hpv, l haven’t had the vaccination, l’m 50, from what l can gather l’m too old to have it.
l get a letter after every smear, been having them since l was 25, informing me l’m hpv negative, so l don’t agree with saying it’s not a big deal, because it’s so common, obviously not everyone has got it.If someone knows they have it, it’s wrong not to tell someone, you’re going to have a physical relationship with.
@wheresamy this is causing you to worry, weighing down on you, get it out the way and tell him.The longer you leave it the harder it’ll be.I really don’t think you deserve nasty comments, you obviously care.

I've reported your post for spreading malicious misinformation.

I suggest you read up on the many many types of HPV and educate yourself.

Hi there

I’ve seen a lot of intense moralising (from presumably perfect people) on this thread and would like to add some sense of proportion.

• 80% of people who have sex contract some form of HPV in their lives
• For most people this clears up without incident. Indeed, many people aren't even aware they have it

These situations are difficult.
yes, what you’ve done isnt ideal, but it’s also understandable. You will feel a lot better when you tell the truth. And people will surprise you with how well they can take it.

You know your only option is to tell the truth - your feelings are telling you as much.

RE: people saying “oh my god you had unprotected sex” - how do they think babies are made? 🤣🤣🤣

@Foodylicious no I’ve not posted about this before. I’ve never really talked about this with anyone before.

There’s a LOT of misinformation on this thread about herpes, warts and HPV. I’ve never been tested for HPV but had herpes and of course never told my partner when we met as I didn’t have an active infection.

It would be like kissing someone and saying “stop, don’t come near me, I had a cold sore 5 years ago”. The most worrying aspect of the story is the fact you chose to sleep with a new partner without protection - you’ve both been stupid.

Is this when you asked for advice before?
I'm not really sure what you want from today's post.
People to make you feel better, so you feel better, or people to agree how awful it is and its right you feel guilty...so you feel better.

goodoldfriend · 17/07/2025 11:41
This is quite embarrassing, but I really need some advice please.
To give you some background, I haven’t had sex in almost 4 years, which is why this topic has never come up. Just before I chose celibacy, I had unprotected sex with someone and ended up catching HPV, which led to genital warts. I had them removed, and thankfully, they haven’t returned since. I understand there’s no cure for the virus, but I haven’t experienced any flare ups. However, I recently had a smear test that confirmed my cells are normal, but HPV was found (I need to return in 12 months).
Anyway, I’ve started dating a new man, and I really, really like him. We haven’t had sex yet, but I would like to, though I’m unsure how to bring this up with him, or if I even need to? I know HPV is common, but it is still as an STI, so I feel like I should tell him before we have sex. I also realise that it can still be transmitted even with condoms.
I'm so worried that he's going to think badly of me and be put off.

Report all you want. It is a fact that putting someone intentionally at risk of STDs including HPV can be prosecuted under common law for offenses against a person or assault in Scotland.

I suggest you educate yourself and stop spreading misinformation.