Lied to boyfriend about STD. I feel have so much guilt

[wheresamy]

I initially posted this on the relationships board but only 1 person replied. I know there’s more traffic here.

I’m probably going to get some nasty comments, and honestly I can’t blame anyone if they do. I’m 31 now, but back in my early 20s, I had unprotected sex with someone who gave me HPV. I ended up with genital warts, had them removed, and had one flare up a year later, but since then it’s been clear for at least 7-8 years. I haven’t had sex in over 5 years, so I haven’t had to discuss this with anyone.

Recently, I had a smear test, and they found HPV in my sample so I need to go back for another test in 12 months. About two weeks later, I met my current boyfriend, and I didn’t tell him. I didn’t mention it because HPV is so common, and I haven’t had a flare up in a long time.

It’s been weighing on me though. I’ve felt so guilty, so I decided to tell him today. I didn’t mention the warts, just talked about the recent smear test. He asked if I knew about it before we met, and I lied and said no. He was so lovely about it, saying it was okay, that I couldn’t have known and it was just a freak accident. He even said he wouldn’t mind if he got it since it’s very common, but still, I lied.

I feel awful with guilt, and I’m not sure how to move forward knowing I’ve lied. I’m head over heels in love with this man, and I know he might leave me if I tell him the truth, but I’m not sure I can keep going like this. I don’t think he will ever trust or look at me the same way again if I tell him. The crazy thing is I believe he would have stayed with me even if I had been honest. Now, I think he might leave because I lied. I’m so angry at myself.

I’m suppose to see him on the weekend and I’m not sure if I can look him in the eye. What do I do

I’ve never understood the difference in treatment between oral and genital herpes. One is treated like leprosy and the other, people parade round with it on their face announcing they have a cold sore and it’s considered fine 🤣 it’s so odd lol

Not in Scotland. Look it up before claiming it's misinformation.

Gosh the ignorance on this thread is jaw dropping 😯

(And deeply concerning)

Please go do some reading and think before you post and make statements that sound like facts.

No 👏 it 👏 can’t 👏

You are wrong and embarrassingly confident with it.

HIV is the only STD that would ever be considered and even then it’s a very hard case to argue - and would fall under a GBH style charge.

@Foodylicious no that wasn’t me, I’ve never really spoken about it before. I guess since it’s common I won’t be the only person in this kind of situation.

Now see I don't feel that way, and I've had hpv related cervical cancer. HPV is so common and most people don't even know if they have it. It's only recently that it's been tested for in smears anyway. And even using condoms doesn't guarantee that you won't pass it on

I've be more worried about the herpes virus

I work in law. In Scotland 🤣

Just to clear up any misconceptions, here are some links:

https://news.cancerresearchuk.org/2021/06/16/lets-talk-about-hpv-6-common-questions-answered/

https://onlinedoctor.lloydspharmacy.com/uk/sexual-health-advice/hpv-vs-herpes

@wheresamy I think if you feel this one is a keeper, you need to be honest.

I couldn't even bring myself to reply. So I'm glad you did. 🙈

Nothing to do with the virus, I mean what if she actually got pregnant with someone she just met??? Having unprotected sex is really risky!!!

We are both in England

oh right, yeah that’s a fair point 🤣

You’re not a lawyer, are you?

I would just stick with the lie now.

No good will come from being honest saying you slept with him when you knew you had it.

You know you’ve done wrong. The guilt shows you’re not a horrible person who doesn’t give a shit.

I didn’t realise how clueless I was about this. What makes it worse is that I’m a teacher and I have to teach a unit on STIs, I did full training for this and there was absolutely no mention of HPV in the training and it isn’t mentioned at all in the scheme of lessons. (It isn’t my usual subject, we’ve all had to train to teach it to our tutor groups). So the next generation will be just as uninformed. I will mention it being missing to the person in charge.

I hate it when people like you do this @Foodylicious . It's cruel and smarmy (and it wasn't the OPs post anyway)

Stop trying to be 'clever' and humiliate her.

This thread, and others like it, show the woeful state of sex education in the UK 🤦🏼‍♀️

You should know that it absolutely can then. Culpable and reckless conduct is a crime in Scotland.

Previous cases have been HIV but it is NOT limited to this virus and knowingly having unprotected sex with an STD that can cause cancer is a crime. Men can get cancers from HPV too.

@WakeMeWhenCommonSenseReturns

Whether HPV should even be considered an STD is actually disputed. It’s a very common virus than can be passed on even during protected sex. I’d love to hear some case law examples of why you think prosecuting for a virus her boyfriend probably has anyway would ever stand up in court?

OP please read this and give yourself a break:

https://www.jostrust.org.uk/about-us/news-and-blog/blog/why-need-ditch-sti-label-hpv/

HPV and genital warts are not the same thing. The latter is HSV.

HPV can appear years later and it's extremely common for those who didnt have the vaccine.

I wouldn't!!!

Most of your staff room probably have it. Same way half of you have probably got staph aureus on your skin. Or c diff laying dormant in your gut.

The STI of genital warts - is not the HPV tested at smears. They're not in any way linked.

You may as well start teaching everyone to swab their skin for staph.

You would be wrong, again with your reply.

@CandleRigg89's law experience seems lacking in knowing the actual law.

https://www.copfs.gov.uk/publications/prosecution-policy-on-the-sexual-transmission-of-infection/html/

The latter is not HSV. HSV is genital herpes.

But you are correct : genital warts hpv is NOT the hpv found at smears.

It is potentially forgivable - but that relies on you being honest with him asap with an incredibly genuine apology. He’ll understand why you lied, and he’ll appreciate the truth and it will be in his hands if he can forgive it. But nothing is worth that sick to stomach feeling. Make amends best you can and hope for the best xx

As far as I’m aware genital warts are from the HPV virus. HSV is herpes.