Friend wants me to look after her DC for 4 days

[FlyingHighandDry]

A friend has asked me to look after their 19 month old DS for 4 days / 3 nights in October while they go to a work event abroad (her and her DH work together)

I really really don’t want to do this.
She caught me on the hop asking me and I just stumbled over my words and ended up agreeing.
I will have to take time off from my job eating into my precious annual leave as even though the DC will be in nursery, they are only in 10-4 and my day including commute is 8-6.

They’ve made out like they’re doing me a favour by telling me I won’t need to have their elder DC as well as they have sorted that childcare!

Friend has a way of bulldozing people into doing things for them.
Please help me formulate something to say to back out of this.
I am a people pleaser and know I need to grow a pair….

perhaps you should post something about time to distance yourself from cheeky fuckers who expect too much?

Take her advice and distance yourself from her. She is a user. This wasn't a long term commitment she railroaded you into something you didn't want to do. What sort of mother dumps her children on people/friends who don't want to look after them.

Yes! Please do this, it will certainly be an eye opener for her 😀

I have to say @FlyingHighandDry you are VERY unreasonable. And a complete idiot.

"She caught me on the hop asking me and I just stumbled over my words and ended up agreeing."

If I asked you to run out in front of that oncoming bus would you stumble over your words and do it?!?

Next time someone asks you to do something unreasonable and you start to panic, say
"Oh I don't know. Let me get back to you on that"

PS: I am glad you managed to extricate yourself. Well done!

Arf @MrsJeanLuc ... who among us has not done something like that at least once, though? The skills involved in replying "No, I'm afraid I can't do that" to the original question and then responding to the (inevitable) "But why not?" with a cheerful "Because I don't want to" need to be honed!

you need to say you can't do it
can't get time off work
sorry

that's it

Each to their own but I wouldn’t leave my DC with someone for 3/4 days.

YANBU! No considerate person drops that on someone “on the hop” without asking if they would consider it first, says a lot about her as a parent that she happily leaves her child when she has imposed that child on another person, it’s not fair on her child either. She is rude , just say you have changed your mind, and if you can be bothered say that significant “asks”like this said to you when you are on the hop are imposing and inconsiderate to you and your family , then she won’t try it on again. Life’s too short to spend it being bulldozed by assholes like this! Believe me she does not let people treat her like this !

Hi everyone.
I wanted you to know that i am reading all your messages.
Thank you.

I’m sorry to disappoint you all but I didn’t respond to her stories. I deleted her as a friend and blocked her.

CF has now got her DH to message my DH saying how disappointed DF is to be let down by me.
What the actual fuck?
DH came home and told me and I must admit I just burst into tears.
However I know I am not the one in the wrong.

I’m so sorry OP. This is not you.

When she said “let down by you”, does she mean the blocking or the babysitting?

Well I hope your husband was very blunt and frank with the DH. I am outraged on your behalf.

WTF! At least you know now that she is not and has never been your friend.

Good grief! Not only is she a CF she is a manipulative horrible person and her husband is just ridiculous.

You are not the one in the wrong. Not even slightly. She is horrible.
I hope you husband gave him short shrift and what for!
Sending a hug because you don’t deserve any of this. Blocking was the wisest move.

No need to respond to any of it OP, just ignore, she can sort her own childcare out. CF her and her husband. Very manipulative.

She's shameless and not used to be told no from the sound of it. See this as a blessing, you don't want or need someone like that in your life. She's shown her true colours, let her bad mouth you to whoever she likes, I reckon most people will see right through her histrionics, it can't be the first time she's been a CF.

Wow! She is next level toxic. I'm glad you've blocked her. It's sad when a friend turns out to be a horrible person though. Sorry OP!

Holy hell these people are awful! Your dh needs to say how cheeky they were to even ask you to take annual leave to baby sit in the first place, but to make out you're the unreasonable one is just brass necked.

I would get your DH to reply

”we are very disappointed that you think it is acceptable for my wife to use up 4 days of annual leave for you. And to then tell us you are disappointed and let down, when we told you a firm no with 48 hours to consider our annual leave situation is very unacceptable on your behalf. We have not ‘let you down’ - you have been totally unacceptable to think anyone would give you 4 annual leave days to suit you. Being let down is paying for a nanny who’s then decides not to turn up on the day! You have plenty of time to pay for childcare.”

What the heck! You Have NOT let her down!

Yes, send this then block.

Wow she really is trying to guilt you into an apology and then reinstate the ‘favour’.That is top drawer cheeky fuckery.

Sending a hug to you, it’s hard to stand up to people, but you are doing the right thing. No friend would EVER behave like this.

Aside from anything else what kind of person wants to foist their little one onto someone who has been clear they don't want the responsibility of them?

I'm sorry OP, they've been rotten to you and they aren't showing any great amount of care to their baby either.

CF has now got her DH to message my DH saying how disappointed DF is to be let down by me.

Response:

It's difficult to know how to reply to this sentiment. The rather large request caught us both off-guard. After time to consider it, it was obviously not doable on our end for a few reasons, but a big one being time off from work would be needed to accommodate you. That alone is too much. We shouldn't have to say more.

Your DH should respond to her DH with:

FyingHighandDry is not a childminder but there are good, registered ones available at reasonable day rates if that interests link to childminder website

I hope your DH will reply telling him the truth.

You have done nothing wrong. You says yes but with in a few days confirmed it didn’t work. That is perfectly reasonable.

I think with CFs like these they will think they are right. So will act all indignant and aggrieved. You just need to break all contract now as it can’t be repaired.