Friend wants me to look after her DC for 4 days

[FlyingHighandDry]

A friend has asked me to look after their 19 month old DS for 4 days / 3 nights in October while they go to a work event abroad (her and her DH work together)

I really really don’t want to do this.
She caught me on the hop asking me and I just stumbled over my words and ended up agreeing.
I will have to take time off from my job eating into my precious annual leave as even though the DC will be in nursery, they are only in 10-4 and my day including commute is 8-6.

They’ve made out like they’re doing me a favour by telling me I won’t need to have their elder DC as well as they have sorted that childcare!

Friend has a way of bulldozing people into doing things for them.
Please help me formulate something to say to back out of this.
I am a people pleaser and know I need to grow a pair….

Fucking hell what an absolute cow she is. Getting her husband to message YOURS to say she is 'disappointed?' I am fuming again! 😠 How DARE she? She is acting like you're a naughty child who is misbehaving, and mummy is mad - and disappointed, and you should 'go and sit in the corner and think about what you did!'

PLEASE tell your husband to block this woman's husband, after messaging him to say 'your wife has got more neck than a fucking giraffe mate, and YOU are just as bad, using me to have have a go at my wife on behalf of your wife, when it's YOUR wife who has behaved badly, with her demands and her snide little social media posts. You're a pussy whipped cunt. Now fuck off.'

Then BLOCK!

I am so sorry you're upset @FlyingHighandDry You don't need this bitch in your life. URGH she sounds vile, and her husband is a dickhead too!

Stand strong, and ignore her. You're better off without her. Let her bitch about you to everyone. Trust me, SHE is the one who will look like the arsehole.

Actually, the message suggested by @Summercocktailsgalore (at 20.27 tonight) is probably a better idea LOL!

This one...

”we are very disappointed that you think it is acceptable for my wife to use up 4 days of annual leave for you. And to then tell us you are disappointed and let down, when we told you a firm no with 48 hours to consider our annual leave situation is very unacceptable on your behalf. We have not ‘let you down’ - you have been totally unacceptable to think anyone would give you 4 annual leave days to suit you. Being let down is paying for a nanny who’s then decides not to turn up on the day! You have plenty of time to pay for childcare.”

How did your Husband respond ……he should really ignore it

This woman is a huge CF, it’s great that you blocked her

@FlyingHighandDry please have your husband send this:

Hi [CF's husband's name],

Let’s be clear. [FlyingHighandDry] is not, and never was, responsible for providing childcare for CF. Expecting her to take four days of annual leave to babysit is beyond entitled.

Posting passive aggressive memes and then dragging me into it was childish and completely out of line. A friend does not behave this way. Because of this behaviour, FlyingHighandDry no longer considers CF a friend.

Do not contact either of us again.

Absolutely this!

Op tell your dh to respond that you are disappointed in her that she posted a passive aggressive message about you on social media with exagerration about short notice, when you told her within 3 days and she still has over a month to sort this out.
Also, you could not do it because you had to take 4 days off and also because 19 months is too young and a lot of responsibility.

Please stand up for yourself. Don't just block and then cry in silence. Of course never talk to this lady in the future.

This wins the CFery award 2025.

Perfect!

This! These CF need to be put in their place. How dare they feel so entitled that they try to shame you? I hope your DH responded appropriately. I also wonder if they’re still pushing to get you agree to their demand!

I hope ur partner is backing ur decision

This is a perfect opportunity for your Dh to suggest to her Dh that maybe he has a mate who will gladly take several days of AL to look after his toddler. Oh wait, is that a ridiculous request that no man would ever ask of another man? 🙄

This is good too. Your DH needs to get shirty with this woman's husband @FlyingHighandDry because he should NEVER have contacted him in this nasty passive aggressive manner, on behalf of your cheeky fucker ex friend!

Did your husband answer him?

Also, who the F is the 8% who thinks the OP is being unreasonable? (Around 250 posters! Out of 3150!)

Clearly, also cheeky fuckers if you think what the OP's ex friend did is OK!!!

You are definitely not in the wrong, no real friend would make you feel like you are backed in a corner to say yes either. I have a few close friends where we have looked after each other's kids but we would always ask and say that its fine if you cant/don't want to and make it clear it was never expected.

I hope your husband told your CF ex-friend's CF husband to fuck right off.

How can she possibly claim you let her down when you told her you couldn't do it only days after she first asked you, and when her trip isn't until October?
And then to get her DH to complain to your DH is outrageous!
OP well done for standing firm and remember, you have lost nothing here because such an unbelievably self-centred friend is not worth having

I hope your DH told her DH to fuck right off. She's such an entitled twat.

Try not to be upset. She has shown her true colours (as has her DH) and you are better off without them in your life.

I have got someone in my life who is just like this. No matter how much you run after them, giving them what they want they are just vile when they don't get their own way.
It's horrible to get this thrown at you... especially when have absolutely not done anything wrong.
Sending you lots of love and empathy.

Because she isn't rational, normal human being. Just someone who hasn't got her way and is punishing OP for daring ot say no to her.
Imagine what her husband has to deal with😳

If I were your DH I'd be tempted to reply along the lines of "Hi mate! Do you know that CF is sending crazy messages to me on your phone?"

PLEASE PLEASE tell us that your H ripped him a new one???

say your annual leave hasn’t been approved so you can’t do it

That’s awful that she messaged your husband like you were a naughty child. Please tell me your DH has blocked and deleted her?

I’m so sorry they have both done this

You should just be so pleased that you dodged a whole firing range of bullets in saying no.

She and her H are absolute nutters and I cant even imagine the trouble that looking after their child would have caused you long term. Who knows what they would have accused you of?

Scary to think, but you have saved yourself a whole world of problems.

@FlyingHighandDry you have done nothing wrong.

So many of us would have agreed if we'd been deliberately out on the spot.

It was a foolish cheeky ask and you've not done anything wrong by pointing out you can't actually do it.
You're saving your sanity!

She is a vile monster.

I am so sorry op, I am lost for words. I hope your DH replied as suggested by other posters. Entitled does not even cover the issue here.

Full on bullying tactics - remember she is wrong and you are right please don’t capitulate to this. If she was ever a true friend she will come back but if she’s a user she will
move on to her next mark and your life will be much easier.

Hope your DH tells CF DH where to go!