Old men sitting next to me

[pamelanoon]

Does this happen to anyone else.

There is a little cafe near where i work. I go and have my lunch there. I sit at a small table with two chairs.

Two times, old men have come in by themselves and asked can they sit at my table. There are loads of free tables, so there is no need to sit at mine.

When I said no to the first man, he was really rude and called me a typical selfish female.

I then said to the restaurant staff that he was abusing me and they said "oh but he is very old".

He grumbled and went off to sit by himself.

The next time I went in, a different old man came in and asked if he could sit at my table.

The chairs are a bit more comfy at the table i was at, so I thought that he wanted the comfy chair.

I said to him "yes you can sit here, i will move to another table".

I moved to another table, he went to the counter, came back, and came over to me at the new table and asked could he sit with me at this second table! I said no you can sit over there, and he shuffled off angrily.

Right they are probably lonely, but i want to enjoy my lunch, i don't want to be sitting talking to an old man i dont know all through lunch!

What would you do?

YANBU. Why do some men think it's their right to have a woman entertain them.

Good for you for saying no. They're pissed off because women are realising that indulging every request from a man only encourages them to make even more unreasonable demands on our time and energy.

It annoys me, i just want to eat my lunch without being harassed by old men!

And the restaurant staff treat them quite nicely because they are so old. After one of the old men insulted me , i complained to the restaurant staff. They did tell him that he couldnt sit with me. But their attitude when they were talking to me was "ah but he is old and doddery"

I get this with old annoying women.

Unless there was absolutely nowhere else to sit I wouldn't let anyone share a table with me, regardless of age or sex.

Exactly.

I want the table for myself.

And there were loads of free tables when he came in.

Hope you never become an old annoying woman.

In my experience elderly people who want a but of company just move on politely when you say no (and sometimes I say yes depending on the situation). Entitled assholes just hurl abuse. YANBU

@softlyfallsthesnowso you think women can do it but not men? Why? Typical!

What? She didn't write that.

I wouldn't let a woman sit at my table either, if there are other free tables.

No woman has done this to me.

It has only been men who have done this to me

Personally I wouldn’t go back to that cafe after they refused to do something about one of their customers being verbally abused by another customer!

Weird behaviour from them 🤔

All I would questionhere is your need to keep saying ‘old men’ I’m not sure why their age is relevant. You seem to enjoy using the phrase. I personally wouldn’t want to be hassled whilst eating alone by anyone.

The OP never once said this!

I have had this a few time with both men and women. All the women were fine when I said that I prefer to sit on my own. I got a bad reaction from a man during a recent hotel stay where I was working on a laptop while eating dinner. Got very angry when I refused his offer to keep me company.

Your choice, but one of the most interesting evenings of my life was when I turned up late at a remote restaurant after travelling all day on my own. They had no tables but the owner asked a man eating alone if he'd mind me sharing. He didn't and I had a lovely chatty time, talking to someone from a walk of life I'd never normally have met.

Obviously they shouldn't be grumpy if you say no, but I don't think there's any harm in asking, and lots to be gained.

Because it's only old men that have done this to me.

Young men have not done this to me.

So their age is relevant in describing who is doing this to me.

I also think that age is relevant in harassment and abuse. As someone a lot older can be very intimidating.

The man wasn't "grumpy" when I said no.

He got very aggressive. He called me 'a typical selfish female' and he said "well what would you do if I just sat there anyway"

Older men can often see women as default conversation providers - sorry but it's often true. Tell them you're working. Maybe put an open notebook next to your plate so it looks like you're doing something. No, you shouldn't have to, I know.

Some men do seem to think they are absolutely entitled to chat to any woman.

I remember one time i was in spain and i was sitting at a table outside a restaurant. This man walked up and said "i noticed you have beautiful eyes , you look like you are from X country are you , I am from there too blah blah. He was talking to me like I would be absolutely delighted to talk to him, when i was annoyed that he was interrupting my lunch.
I wanted to tell him to go away but sometimes i get nervous to say that, in case the man gets aggressive. I said to him "i have to take a phonecall" and he eventually got the hint.

Are you serious? This happens to women all the time. Women get harassed by men a lot.

My friend told me that she was reading a book in a cafe, and an older man just sat down opposite her at a two seat table. She had to get up and move

In all my life of sitting alone in cafe's & restaurants this has never happened to me. I wouldn't consider myself unattractive or attractive, just 'normal'. You are just very unlucky I would say, or maybe have a friendly face, and maybeI have a resting B face :-)

The aww he is old and doddery reaction from the cafe staff would have pissed me off

I always get frustrated when people talk about older people as if they are all sweet and harmless. Some people whatever their age can be lovely and some can be horrible. People who are horrible don’t suddenly hit 90 and become sweet and nice overnight

Neither of these men sound like they fall in the lovely category given their reaction to you saying no and the fact there were plenty seats available to them

I don’t think you were being unreasonable to say no and I think the cafe staff were being unreasonable to just brush it off because the men were older